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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Taking all afternoon to get baby to take an afternoon nap!! Help!

83 replies

Rugby01 · 05/04/2017 14:44

Hi! I have a 4.5 month baby who i can't get to take an afternoon nap. I will spend three hours trying to make it happen and then give up and then I'm frustrated as I feel I could have been doing something better with him, and he's over tired, and then we end up putting him to bed at 5.30 - 6pm as he's so tired! He naps ok in the morning and is good at night, going from 6pm -3am ish. But the afternoons are driving me mad! I worry he'll get a flat head lying in the cot for two-three hours as I try to get him to sleep (unsuccessfully). He is definitely tired in the afternoons and will fall asleep in my shoulder or whilst feeding, but two mins after I put him down in the cot he wakes up again. He ONLY does this in the afternoon. I tried a mobile above him but it just stimulates him rather than soothing him to sleep. Please help me! I'm going mad! It's such a waste of three -four hours every day and I get so frustrated as I am sure I should be doing other things with him like reading, playing etc. Thanks!

OP posts:

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Aliveinwanderland · 07/04/2017 22:55

My DS self settles for the morning nap, does his lunchtime nap in the car or pushchair (first 30 minutes moving then will do another hour and a half) but the afternoon one is hardest to get him to take.

Use the pushchair to get him into a routine of longer naps, then work on settling him in the house.

Original poster

Rugby01 · 08/04/2017 03:12

Oh I see! Thanks,.. back to sleep now, less anxious...

OP posts:

LapinR0se · 08/04/2017 06:53

Oh sorry I didn't mean to worry you! Yes it's a kind of stage in development that happens naturally.

Orangedaisy · 08/04/2017 07:13

DD1 started by being fed to sleep, then cuddled to sleep, then walked in pushchair/in car seat in car, then just sat in pushchair in the hall, then sat with briefly with her in cot, and now, at just turned 3 willingly goes in her cot (yes, she's still penned in), reads a story to her teddies and then tucks herself in and sleeps for 90 minutes after lunch. And does 7-7 at night. She is making up for lost time I reckon-by some theories I did it all wrong, but we got there, and I am now doing the same with DD2.

riddles26 · 08/04/2017 07:47

I have every bit of sympathy for you OP, I wrote a very similar threat a few weeks ago about my (now) 5 month old DD. She was an excellent night sleeper and terrible napper from the start and then all fell apart when 4 month regression hit and she woke every 1-2 hours at night plus refused to nap. Like yours, she would also be awake 6-8 hours each day despite me trying every method possible getting her to nap and I felt all I did each day was worry about her lack of sleep and have a grumpy baby because she was so overtired.

I have since started gentle sleep training (she could already self-settle at night prior to regression so I just have to be really persistent for naps) and have started following a routine very similar to what Lapin suggested. It is super early days (hasn't even been a week yet) but things are looking up. When trying to put her to sleep for naps, I try for an hour and if no luck then I take her out in the pram with shade on so she gets some rest in there.

She has gone from getting max 11hrs broken sleep in 24 (with day sleep being the odd 20min here or there) to 14-15hrs so I am starting to feel a little optimistic that it may just work this time.

Good luck

Original poster

Rugby01 · 08/04/2017 12:03

Glad it has got better for you riddles. I appreciate your post. I think what grates me the most is that we spend so long trying to nap, then feeding, changing, trying to nap again, that there is very little time left for playing, tunnybtime, stimulating him with books etc - and when I do try these things he quickly gets upset as he's so tired!!! Yet gets giggly when I lie him down for a nap!! It's madness and I am so tired too . That doesn't help.

OP posts:

riddles26 · 08/04/2017 12:48

I know exactly how you feel, I felt like my entire days were spent trying to get her to take a nap in any way, shape or form. And the result would usually be a 10-15 minute doze on the breast or a 20 minute nap while I walked with her in pram for 2 hours - not such an issue on a lovely day like today but so hard when it's pouring with rain and I am cold and wet. She wouldn't even consider sleeping down in a cot, nor on me, or being rocked, in a bouncer etc etc..

She would be happy and behave in classes that I would try out but then be exhausted from all the stimulation, but yet again, refuse to nap and be super grumpy and clingy so I couldn't put her down to play. I would also be exhausted having not slept or rested myself.

Lots of lovely posters gave me advice on what worked for their ones but still had no luck with mine and I have an injury which means endless pram pushing isn't an option multiple times each day. So I decided to sleep train and follow traditional 7-7 routine as a last ditch attempt before using a sleep consultant. I am using the gentlest method possible and there were tears but there were tears of exhaustion when she didn't sleep so I didn't feel I had anything to lose, plus I was there when she cried so no feelings of being abandoned. Yesterday was better than today but I am still miles better than I was last week and I am cautiously optimistic that she will finally settle into a pattern if I persist.

Hope you find the solution that works for you

Original poster

Rugby01 · 09/04/2017 02:50

Thanks riddles- glad it seems to be working. Can you recommend a website or book with the sleep training you are doing? Is it literally just leaving them to cry a bit longer each time?

Today he was better in the day but took two hours to go properly at night... I used to be the smug mum that said how good their baby was at sleeping. Until this week. Ha ha ha.

OP posts:

riddles26 · 09/04/2017 08:14

I'm using the pick up/put down method. When she cries, I stay in the room and shush/pat for 2 minutes, if she doesn't calm down, I pick her up and cuddle her until she does (without rocking/jiggling etc). As soon as she calms down (but is still awake), I put her back down to go to sleep. When she cries again, I shush/pat again for 2 minutes and follow the cycle again. I just keep following it again and again until she finally gets the message and goes to sleep. Then do it again each time she wakes. I'm not going to lie, it's relentless and exhausting to start with (and particularly in the night) but she has got the hint that I'm not going to give in and now goes to sleep (and has also started to stay asleep!)

I'm trying to stay as strong and consistent as I can with it and not show any signs of giving in so she accepts that this is how things are from now and she's not getting a choice!

riddles26 · 09/04/2017 08:20

The routine is pretty much exactly what lapin said:
7am wake and feed
9/9.15 nap until 10
10.30 feed
12pm nap until 2-2.30
2.30pm feed
4.30 short nap (we don't always achieve this one)
5pm short feed
5.30pm bath
6pm remainder of feed
6.30pm bed

She used to go 10hrs without feeding at night but I'm currently feeding if she wakes and wants one at 6 hourly intervals. Any more frequent waking and I use the technique to get her back to sleep. I have had resistance but we appear to be getting improvement so fingers crossed it lasts

Original poster

Rugby01 · 09/04/2017 08:22

Thanks riddles- I will try it. What do you do if the baby just lies there awake but not upset (eg wiggling, giggling etc)? Do you do the same procedure?

OP posts:

riddles26 · 09/04/2017 09:24

I've experienced that a few times, I've just left her alone in the room with monitor on. In my case it eventually results in sleep or tears (which is when i then start the pick up put down process).

I found it even harder to start with as I was getting little sleep with having her in my bed at night and lost that by constantly picking her up and putting her down but I'm starting to see there is hope.

I hope it works for you too

Original poster

Rugby01 · 10/04/2017 11:36

So far today since 6am, (it's now 11:30) we've had about 30 mins of playtime, 30 min nap at 9-9:30. The rest of it has been just trying to get him to sleep. I know he's tired as he is rubbing eyes, and nearly went to sleep playing on his mat, and fell asleep on the boob several times. And please don't say that means he's over tired as I did put him down BEFORE these signs and he refuses to sleep! He just lies there wiggling, and then after 45 mins he needs a nappy change and/or more milk and then we're back to square one, only he's MORE tired... it feels like ALL DAY is just getting him to sleep. And it's driving me mad as I feel like a bad parent leaving him on his back in his cot all that time!

I read about these routines that have 1.5 hours nap every 2 hours: and I feel so upset that I can't get this to happen. What is wrong with me? What more can I do? I've tried: white noise, classical music, reading to him, shushing him, cuddling, boob, no boob, making sure he's clean, well fed, stroking him, dummy (spits it out), sitting by him, not sitting by him, both parents have tried all these (except boob). I don't want to do the buggy or car thing as I want him to fall asleep on his own in his cot. Simple as that. I'm sick of the sight of my house.

OP posts:

Wait4nothing · 10/04/2017 11:46

I think he's too young to sleep on his own - some baby's do but every one is different - my dd didn't get a good routine until 7/8 months - until then I focused on getting her to sleep and have enough sleep in any way possible - so on me, in the sling, pram, car etc. As long as she had enough sleep - when she wasn't overtired I sometimes could get her down in the cot or before she was on the move on our bed then moved away so I could do something.
Around 7 months we started making more of an effort with routines as she was sleeping longer/less often and now at 11 months she can self settle (unless ill/teething) in her cot both at night and for naps.
Your baby is still tiny - give yourself a break and go for whatever is easiest!

FATEdestiny · 10/04/2017 12:51

Movement can help.

Have you tried naps in a bouncy chair?

You sat on sofa, boxset on the TV, cup of tea, bouncer at your feet, foot bouncing baby. Be relentless about it. If baby is crying and fighting to sleep in the cot, then just go through the same in the bouncy chair. The bouncing will help baby get to sleep quicker and more easily.

riddles26 · 10/04/2017 13:20

you are describing my life until a week ago so I have every bit of sympathy for you. I wanted to throw something at everyone who said I was letting her get overtired because I knew she was overtired but I had tried multiple times to get her to sleep before she got to that state with no luck at all. It just made me feel like an awful mum.

A lot of others find Fates suggestions useful, unfortunately didn't work at all for my one but may just for yours.

I promise it will get better eventually, it's just a case of finding what works for your little one.

LapinR0se · 10/04/2017 17:02

When he is lying there wiggling for 45 mins, where is he lying exactly and what are you doing during that time?

Original poster

Rugby01 · 10/04/2017 18:34

He's in his cot, in his room, usually with some soft music or white noise on, and with curtains closed and I'm usually watching him on monitor and thinking 'I'll give it 15 mins' or something then I go in again and shush him or read to him or sing or stroke him and then leave again. Today I read an entire chapter of my novel and he listened calmly but didn't sleep! By that point he needed his nappy changed so I did that and put him back... and so it goes on and on like this. In the end all went out and he slept in car!

OP posts:

keepitgoing · 10/04/2017 18:45

Well as everyone has said you can't just expect him to fall asleep just put in his cot. You need to help him get to sleep then gradually reduce input. If you don't want to do car/buggy/boob/rock/hold him that's just not fair on him. Your expectations are unrealistic. Everyone (i think) helps their small babies to sleep

keepitgoing · 10/04/2017 18:47

I used to have to hold/sling mine. Annoying with a toddler too... I now feed/cuddle then plonk in cot, and he sometimes can do it himself now at 6.5m

NapQueen · 10/04/2017 18:50

If mine looked like they were going to fall asleep on the playmat I used to let them. Keep a small pram bkanket to hand and once asleep drape it over them for warmth, make a brew and sit and watch them and telly.

Is there anywhere for them to nap in the lounge?

LittleBearPad · 10/04/2017 18:53

I really wouldn't stress about it. If you're sick of your house go out. Let him sleep where he sleeps.

Your baby hasn't read any of the books. So I'd ignore them too.

FATEdestiny · 10/04/2017 19:16

Rugby01, you will need to help your baby go to sleep.

Original poster

Rugby01 · 10/04/2017 19:33

I don't just plonk him in the cot - sorry if sounded like that. I do everything I can to help him - rock him and feed him and hold him and sing and talk etc - all on a chair next to the cot and carry on as many of those things as I can once he's inside the cot. I don't expect him to do it alone. I am just trying to follow the books/ advice that says they should be sleeping in their cots. And leaving him for 15 mins or so (after all the soothing things I have done to help him) has, until now, usually worked for this baby. It's only in the last few days that it hasn't.

But as you say littlebear - I think I'll chuck the books away!

OP posts:

Aliveinwanderland · 10/04/2017 19:38

Sorry if I've missed it Rugby but does he settle himself to sleep at night? Is there anything different about the night routine to the one you are using for naps?

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