10 month old daughter is sick everytime i leave her to go to sleep!!!! Help!

[popp123]

Hello, my 10 month old daughter has become impossible to get to sleep. I have always left her to self settle (which has involved her crying for 15-20 mins then sleeping) but for the last 4 weeks every time I leave her she gets in such a state she is sick!! I have resorted to letting her fall asleep on the boob and then putting her in her cot asleep as I can't face any more laundry!! Inevitably she wakes up after an hour!
She has just learnt to sit from lying and has learnt to crawl, both big developments, so I know this affects their sleep but its been 4 weeks now!!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

I also really want to stop breast feeding but she is tricky taking a bottle or sippy cup!

Please don't leave your baby to cry until she is sick.

I don't bf but I rock, massage and hold my 10 month old to sleep.

If she gets that distraught, stop doing it.

Breastfeeding to sleep is a great tool. In my experience of two kids, 10 months is one of the worst ages for separation anxiety and constant boobing and night waking too.

Hmmm I'm a hardened fan of self settling but I don't think I could leave for 15-20 mins crying - although I do know how it can get to that (you think they're going off - no they're not - yes they might be... etc). 5-10 mins is my max really but no posters can tell you what to do, only advise what they might do in similar circs.

I also have a baby (well toddler now) who could quickly work himself up to be sick (crying turning to coughing turning to vomiting).

If you want to wean her off falling asleep at the boob, and self settling is taking a long time and she's being sick, then I would think you are going to have to try some form of gradual retreat or sleep training involving leaving her for gradually lengthening periods but always coming back to reassure. The amazing FATE I hope will be along soon with far better advice!

All of mine coslept until over a year and woke up to feed.

What we did was put Daddy in charge so I would go completely away and when they woke up Daddy would rock then pat them to sleep so never left alone but no boob on offer. First night was hard but by the 3rd or 4th they were sleeping through it's as if no boob no point in waking. With DS who was no4 he slept in our room for 2 1/2 years as he didn't have his own room after a week I went back in and could settle him just by holding his hand.

If she's so distraught when you leave her that she cries until she vomits, don't leave her.

Feeding to sleep during a sleep regression can be a useful source of comfort, it doesn't mean it's going to be a permanent habit.

I stopped breastfeeding by going back to work. DD wasn't impressed but she took a bottle.

Trying to teach self settling like that is like to trying to teach her to walk by putting her on her feet and letting go! She's clearly not ready yet and needs comfort at bedtime.

popp123

Theres a thing called object perminance. It's a process baby goes through when learning that things they cannot see are still there. That they still exist when out of sight. Without object perminant, baby assumes that anything they cannot see doesn't exist. That if they cannot see you (like in peek a boo), you cannot see them.

They slowly learn that object remain. That mummy goes to the kitchen, comes back. You will see toddlers playing hide and seek, hiding in a very obvious place but assuming the principle "I can't see You, so you cant see me". So the process of learning object perminance isn't an on/off switch, it's a gradual process of learning.

Alongside object perminance comes separation anxiety: "you're going to go and I am not sure when/if you will come back. That makes me scared".

This is the basic psychological reason for your 10 month olds crying.

Could you try putting her in the cot at bedtime and staying with her, leaning into the cot, shushing, patting, generally reassuring her and being compassionate? This teaches her to sleep in her cot, but she has your reassuring presence there too.

Hi all, thank you for your responses! Just to clarify, I am not leaving her crying in her cot each night and then she is sick! Its changed from crying/winging to sleep to suddenly going to notch 10 and being sick within seconds/minutes! Poor little thing, so clearly she is going through changes and needs a change of approach!

I have tried the sitting rubbing her back next to her, shhing etc and she is still very distressed! I will keep trying this approach and see if we can make that work! Its just more time consuming, when I have a toddler to get to bed too!!