14 week old feeding more at night and very restless inbetween feeds

[emh78]

Hi,
My DS turned 14 weeks on Tuesday. Up until about 5 nights ago he was making fairly good progress with night time. It appeared that we were moving past getting up 3 or 4 times a nights for feeds and moving more consistantly towards going to bed between 7pm an 8pm, sleeping for about 6 to 7 1/2 hrs, then back down for another 2 to 3 hrs. Sometimes he would struggle to go back down after 5am, but I was really happy with how things were going.
However, for the last 5 nights it's been awful. We had a couple of nights where he was waking either for a feed or a cuddle, then after about 10/11pm refused to go back in his cot. He's going back in his cot now, but not for long. He's going down for about 2 hours at bedtime, then as the night progresses the gaps between feeds/cuddles are decreasing. Last night he actually only lasted 1hr 15 mins after first going down and the gaps reduced to 35/45 minutes from about 1am. Inbetween his feeds he also seems restless. He also isn't feeding everytime he gets up, by the time I've sat back down with him to feed him he's been fast asleep.
If it's of any relevance, he does nap in the day, but hasn't been great at napping in his cot in the day since he was about 5 weeks old. He tends to sleep either in the buggy, in my arms, in the carrier or the car seat.
He has an older sister, so we can't always be in the house when he wants to nap, plus I can't really spend a huge amount of time trying to get him to nap when she is home.
This last week has been harder than when he was first born and I am close to tears a lot of the time and just don't know what to do. Is this just what his sleep is developing into, or is it a growth spurt or something else?
Oh, I am EBFing, but the thought of co-sleeping terrifies me, plus on the odd occasion i have attempted to lie him down next to me in bed he wakes immediately and gets upset.
Can anyone offer any insight/advise?
Thanks
Em

You say co-sleeping terrifies you, is it that it terrifies you and you'd never do it or it terrifies you but you'd consider it? I'm only asking because I find it the best way of getting the most rest when they go through these phases of feeding more frequently.

I co-slept with DD and am doing so again with DS who's 8 weeks. I feed to sleep lying down so neither of us needs to move and then if he wakes up, I try putting a hand on his stomach or I'll feed again if that doesn't work.

It's certainly not for everybody and I'm sure you'll get other advice from other people but feeding lying down might be an option.

Hi,
Thanks for your reply. It terrifies me because I've always considered it to be unsafe. I'm not knocking anyone who does it, i just don't think i have a full understanding of how it works. How do i stay covered without covering baby and still allow access? or do i just freeze? don't you get engorged just feeding from one side all night? plus my dh is a really heavy sleeper. i would be worrying about him rolling over all night.

If you'd asked me pre-DD if I would ever co-sleep, I would've said absolutely not! However, DD came along and was such hard work that it became necessary for survival! And now we have DS and have decided co-sleeping, especially in the early days, suits is better so we're going with it for now.

So I sleep with a quilt up to just below my boobs and I tuck it right under me so it can't escape. Then I tend to wear long sleeve button down PJ tops so just one boob is out. DS is in a sleeping bag.

You can feed from both sides without moving but I've never managed to feed using the top boob. Plenty of people do but I've never mastered it! So I tend to move DS once or twice during the night. For example, we'll start the night with DS on the edge (with the unused Bednest acting as a bed guard), me in the middle and DH on his side. I'll feed to sleep and feed on that side for the first waking. Then on the next waking, I move DS to the middle so me and DH are on the edges (DH has his own quilt for this bit) and feed on the other side. Then I'd normally move him back for the first feed on waking.

DH isn't a particularly heavy sleeper and neither of us drink or smoke so I'm a bit more relaxed about him being next to DS than I was with DD. When DS is in the middle, DH has his own quilt and tucks it under himself like I do.

Like I said, it's not for everyone and you'll get lots of other suggestions of alternatives but for me, breastfeeding lying down was such a sanity saver and I'm less tired now with 2 than I was in the first weeks with DD.

Have you tried a dummy to settle back to sleep? If you have a cosleeper cot, a dummy reinsert may get baby back to sleep without being moved or picked up, and without you needing to move yourself.

More frequent daytime feeds also helps with calorie loading through the daytime. Frequent night wakes and light sleeping can sometimes be put down to the total calories over 24 hours being on the low side. So big focus on lots of big, long feeds can help. Evening cluster feeding (letting baby have free access to the breast for most of the evening) will also help with calorific need over night.

teaandbiscuits - thanks for the advise on how to cosleep. we don't drink or smoke either, but my husband sleeps like he's having his first proper nights sleep after getting up breastfeeding every night for the last however many months 😁. i really don't know how he does it. although, the way you have described it has helped me to make more sense of it.

FATEdestiny - sadly he won't take a dummy. tried a few times now but he looks so confused. i like the idea of bulking up his feeds during the day. he's never been a big feeder, but I'll be giving it a go.

thank you both for your help. x