2 week old will not go down and co-sleeping - please read!

[hollymonster]

Hi all

I have posted on here a fair few times the past 2 weeks!

My little girl is 2 weeks tomorrow, and she just WILL not go down at night. It has got to the point that it is quite stressful for my husband and I, and I believe quite traumatic for her.

We have tried putting her in when she's drowsy and cooing her. She immediately becomes alert. I have sat with her for an hour, maybe two sometimes to relax her. She won't cry but just stares into space and cries when I move away.

We've tried putting her down when she is out cold and without fail within 20-30 mins she's awake again. Every night it results in her coming in the bed with us.

Today she is absolutely wiped out I think from the stress of not being able to just get to sleep comfortably and being moved around loads. I actually really enjoy co sleeping, my issues are:

• I really don't want a 2 year old in the bed (nothing wrong with it just personal pref). It may be early days but I'm already panicking that I'm creating bad habits for her and she'll struggle to sleep independently - does anyone have any success stories where newborns eventually go down after a few weeks??
• we have a sleepyhead has anyone had this in the bed with them and then slowly moved them over into the side sleeper?

I'm torn between wanting to try everything and also just letting her (and is) sleep peacefully with no stress.

Please help x

Have you tried a sheepskin layer underneath her? They worked wonders for ours and our friends babies (admittedly a long time ago). An alternative is a folded fleece blanket prewarmed with a hot water bottle.

She's still so little! We did the same with the sleepyhead and cosleeper. Worked really well. We used the sleepyhead for all naps in the day so he got used to it then night time I'd settle him in it with me kind of lying draped over him until he was deeply asleep then scoot it over to the cosleeper. Prior to the sleepyhead he wouldn't be put down to sleep, it was a complete game changer. That and the dummy!

I have a sleepy head and a co sleeper. My newborn will go into the sleepy head very occasionally and will wake within 45-2 hours later then get into the bed with us. I warm up sleepyhead with hot water bottle and play white noise.
He won't sleep in it during the day and will only sleep in my arms.
During the nights he will wake up twice. I am doing whatever I can to get through the days and if that means some co sleeping then that's what I have to do. I will establish a routine in a few weeks.

I don't think the sleepyhead is as great as I read about.

Thanks all for the replies. I really don't want anyone to think I am finding her a nuisance, far from it. If anything I am trying to do what's best and natural to her but my husband is - understandably - quite obsessed with guidelines and really doesn't feels comfortable co sleeping although he has told me he trusts that i know what I am doing. I think more than anything I just wanted to know that people DO find rhythms eventually.

She was just quite fidgety and I just played a white noise app (Hoover) to her and she dosed off immediately!

Will try that tonight

X

Any other responses welcome 👍🏻

Don't worry at all bout creating bad habits this early on. Do what you need to to get her to sleep. By six weeks I'm sure you'll start to find it easier.

Please try not to worry about the longer term. Sleep changes with age; you wouldn't worry that a 2 year old won't be walking and feeding themselves because they can't at 2 weeks :) Your baby is behaving utterly and perfectly normally, have a read about the fourth trimester and do whatever you can to get yourself some (safe) sleep. If that means cosleeping for now then so be it.

We have a cot with one side off attached to the side of our bed. When DD was little I could put her in the cot and cuddle beside her until she was deeply asleep, then move away when I wanted to sleep. It made me feel more comfortable about co-sleeping when she was tiny. In my experience babies learn to sleep independently when they are ready, and it's not something that you can do much about.

She's 2 weeks old, there's a long way to go before she's 2! Have you heard the term 'fourth trimester'? Basically, newborns are having a hell of a time adjusting to life outside of you. Relax for a bit and cosleep (safely!) to help all of you get more rest.

2 weeks is so young... she is coming from a place of constant closeness and warmth.Worrying about "bad habits" at this age is unnecessary. As suggested read the 4th trimester.

My DD fed every hour on the dot... and massively cluster fed a night. I co-slept because I was exhausted. My DH was all for guidelines etc, but you can co-sleep safely...and he eventually warmed to it... slept in the spare room with a monitor and gave us the bed I gave him an ultimatum

She's now 18months...Sleeps through the night. Has a great routine of dinner, bath..teeth cleaning...story and then she goes off.

I don't know what constitutes bad habits, but I believe every child is different and will eventually figure out the "sleep thing".

Don't worry about bad habits right now - DS has already changed so much from 2 weeks to his current 8 weeks. I use his sleepyhead in my bed when he's not sleeping well and in his crib when he is. DH sleeps in another room now, it's not at all what I planned but it works.

I've already said the same in your other posts but you are not creating bad habits.

Just co-sleep, get some rest and stop stressing about this so much. She's a very normal 2 week old.

You won't have a 2 year old sleeping in your bed if you don't want to. You just transition when she is developmentally ready.

Please stop worrying and start enjoying your baby.

Also, you need to readjust your expectations of a 2 week old. You are talking as if you have a baby who is 6 months old.

You don't need to let her get stressed or sit with her for an hour. Just feed, let her fall asleep and sleep yourself. You will be so much happier!

I'm another one suggesting you read about the 4th trimester. You really won't create 'bad habits' by responding to her needs.

And babies are constantly changing. You'll find that what works one week won't work the next I'm afraid. Go with it - you can't get it wrong, honestly.

Teaandbiscuitsforme

Thank you - I very much appreciate your advice but please don't suggest I am not enjoying my baby and that I need to readjust my expectations. I don't have any expectations, this is the first time I have done this - I also very much enjoy her.

Asking for advice and guidance doesn't mean I am unhappy.

Thanks again

Please don't worry about creating bad habits yet - she's too small to form habits yet. I had the same worries and this is what we did:

First 6 weeks ish we co-slept with hubby in the spare room - followed guidelines for safe co sleeping re keeping bedding away from them etc and felt very safe

From 6 weeks I started putting him in the sleepyhead on the bed next to me and he gradually went longer and longer in it so I moved the sleepyhead into the Snuzpod beside me and that was fine.

At 12 weeks my boy was outgrew the sleepyhead and now goes straight into his Snuzpod with no issues and spends the whole night in there

He's now 16 weeks and we are transitioning him into his proper cot in his nursery, again with no problems

Sorry, that was a really long rambling way of saying that what babies will tolerate changes such a lot- I think there majority are super clingy at first and will only sleep being held etc but as they get used to the world they improve. Doing some safe co sleeping now so you all get some rest doesn't mean she will still be there when she's 2 if that's not what you want!

Holly I'm sorry if I sounded critical. I just feel I wasted so much time when DD was tiny worrying about trying to do what I thought was expected. Once I gave up trying to get her to do everything she 'should' be doing, things got a lot easier.

I'm enjoying my first few weeks with my DS so much more (he's 4 weeks) because I'm just following his cues.

Honestly, you've got this. You know what to do. Your instincts are spot on, you've just got to let yourself trust them.

I think at this point you just do what feels natural and helps you all get the most sleep.
At two weeks she doesn't realise she's not part of you anymore. What works now won't necessarily mean she's sharing your bed at two x

Do check out the guidance on how to do safe cosleeping - definitely better to do it in a planned way than for it to happen unplanned. Beyond that I'd say that babies vary - some take longer than others to stop needing cuddles at night (we've finally got our 2 year old to fall asleep on his own) but I take the view that while you can gently nudge them towards using alternative sources of comfort, if they are resisting gentle changes it's because they're not ready to do without the comfort you give. And I think it's much better for you both to make bedtime a time of comfort and cuddles rather than a stressful time that you're both dreading.

Another 4th trimester convert here, really helps make sense of what a newborn is experiencing. You 100% cannot set up bad habits at this age.
I didn't plan to co-sleep with mine but it worked really well for us. I swapped our duvet for double-bed sized cellular blankets (but this was May, so a bit warmer!) and kept pillows well away from DS. DP stayed in our bed, but DS always slept on my side - also had a bednest which acted as a barrier.
Tricks that helped for settling him in said bednest were swaddling (look up safe methods & don't swaddle their legs, as can cause hip problems apparantly) warming the bednest with a hot water bottle & playing a white noise app.
Goodluck, and enjoy your squishy newborn!

Thanks so much teaandbuscuitsforme - and everyone else!! Really need to stop being so OCD. I'm gonna go with the flow

X

My advice would be to let her lead the way. Give it a few days and see if you feel like you're coping better. Co-sleeping can be an absolute lifesaver and there's so much pro co-sleeping support out there, you just have to look a bit harder for it. It certainly doesn't have to be forever but it might just be what she needs to get through the relentless feeding stage.

And I'd echo the other advice- babies don't stay in their little routines for very long. As soon as you think you've cracked it, they decide to totally change the goalposts. It's so much easier to deal with if you can let yourself go with it and follow their lead. And with every change, remember it's a phase and it too will pass.

Try to enjoy a restful night!

I know the problem - your baby is behaving like a 2 week old!!! I had to keeping checking she wasn't 2 years. I'm sorry I don't mean to be unkind and you've been given good advice, but you really do need to chill out as you will drive yourself crazy if you're going to be fretting about all manner of things as your baby grows. OF course you love her, you don't need to keep saying so - we know how we fall in love with our babies. BUT for your sake DHs and more importantly this tiny baby I really hope you can relax and "go with the flow" and above all trust your intuition.

As others say, babies go through all sorts of phases in the ages and stages of development - and at different times to your friend's babies! If you're tense the baby will pick this up and that's not good. The most important thing with a baby is to giver her unconditional love (which you will) and she will thrive.