HELP- 8 mo DS will only sleep ON us, not in cot!

[AlbertaWildRose]

My 8 mo DS has always been quite a good sleeper, at least up until the last few weeks when he was teething, so was waking up more frequently throughout the night. This past weekend though he was unwell, with a high temp. and generally feeling pretty miserable, and the only way he would sleep was cuddled on my or DH's chest. He is much better today, went to sleep as normal in his cot, but woke up half an hour later, and the absolutely only way he will get back to sleep is on either of us (DH's shift at the mo). If we try to put him down he absolutely screams, and makes himself sick. The poor little guy is completely exhausted, but still won't sleep in his cot. Last night we brought him into bed with us again, but he would still only sleep on us, not even beside us in the bed. Has this happened to anyone? I'm hoping it was just because he was ill, but need some reassurance that it won't last! Sorry it's so long.

It will last if you keep doing it. Not meaning to sound harsh though.
When you say he makes himself sick, is he actually throwing up?

Yes, he is throwing up. He hardly ever cries at all, so to see him screaming in his cot is very disturbing and we don't feel right leaving him to cry it out.

Sympathies to you, we are going through much the same thing at the moment with our ds (he's 8.5 months), though to be fair he was much better last night. What do you think is waking him up? Do you give him anything for teething pain? ds seems to get a stuffy nose whenever he goes through a bout of teething so Medised has been really useful as it tackles the pain as well as the stuffy nose.

I always found that leaving my ds to cry it out worked best but he never vomited - does he vomit after you arrive in his room or before? If it is after I would suggest not going in to him at all and see if he will eventually cry himself to sleep. It may seem harsh, but seeing you may only serve to remind him that he has been "abandoned" and might work him up to vomiting point. If, however, he is vomiting before you get to his room, you will have to go in and clear him and it up and try to settle him. It might be worth taking a blanket into his room and resting on the floor, quietly, while he cries himself to sleep so that he is reassured that you are there, but he gets back used to falling asleep in his own cot. (This could still involve some sleep deprivation on your part).

I'm not really sure what's waking him up, I wish I knew! We have been trying Calpol, with little effect. His nose is actually quite stuffed up as well, have never used Medised but it sounds like it would be worth a shot.

That's tricky. My dd2 was same as yours (6mth) when she cut her first tooth and got a runny nose. Didn't cry to throwing up, but was giving medised.
Does he throw up even if you sit near his cot, or just when you leave the room?

Try Medised, it's much more effective than Calpol!

Thanks for your responses. Re throwing up- he does it before we come into the room, and tonight threw up on me as well when I picked him up (lovely). DH has managed to get him into his cot asleep, we'll see if it lasts. I know that letting it happen repeatedly will only reinforce the pattern, but it is so unlike him that I can't help but think it is because he is not quite 100% yet, and needs the cuddles. Letting him scream and scream is just not what we feel comfortable doing.

Right, Medised is on my list of things to buy tomorrow.

I hated it too but made myself do it, even when she was poorly , but I went in much more often to check her, and did sometimes nurse her to sleep and put her in asleep.
It's so hard. Does he have his tea quite soon before going to bed. Could you push it forward so there's a longer gap between tea and going to bed?
Don't know if it would help.
My lil bro used to cry til he threw up. Leaving him did no good.

Medised is the bee's bollocks, cos it makes them sleepy too.

IMHO, if you're not comfortable letting him scream, I wouldn't. We tried cc with ds - who would also scream til he was sick - it didn't work for him. I hated doing it, and will not be doing it with dd (who at 11 mths comes into bed with us a 4am every morning - and goes to sleep, quietly & quickly)
Could you try a gentler approach? Maybe sitting next to his cot and patting him so he knows you're there but isn't actually on top of you, iykwim? Then gradual retreat (ie move further away every night til you're not in the room) If he's been really good before & is now suddenly not great, tbh, i would assume there's omsething underlying this. That something might be physical (teething/cold etc) or emotional ( 8 mths would be a pretty standard time for separation anxiety to kick in) Has anything changed in his life recently?

Oh, and medised does kick arse

My mum used to sit next to cot patting/rubbing his back.
At the end of the day, you know your baby. I know from her cry how tired she is and whether she will go off or needs feeding etc.

No, no major changes in his life, but he has never been so poorly with a temperature before, and I think he was just quite upset by it. Thanks very much for all the advice. I don't think leaving him to cry is something I can do, but we'll see how desperate I get!

Perhaps, and this might be tiring, you could let him fall asleep on you and then put him into his cot. So he's not getting the message that he can stay with you all the time, but you're still comforting him and don't have to let him cry himself to sleep.
If it's a big hassle, then maybe move his cot into your room until he's better.

AlbertaWildRose, follow your heart! You don't sound comfortable with the idea of leaving ds to cry, even without the chucking up, and you don't need an unnecessary extra load of laundry every day to add to your tiredness. From my experience - ds1 would also cry till he vomited from the distress (it only happened a couple of times, I learnt quickly!) Ds2 never liked a cot at all, and in order for any of us to get any sleep, spent more time in bed with us then he would have done. He also liked the sleeping atop of me thing.

They do grow out of it. They are 20 and 18 years now, no ill effects from co-sleeping

Back to your dilemma though - your ds is obviously bothered about something and your presence and physical contact is reassuring for him. Go with the flow. At his age, his wants and his needs are the one and same.

Hope you get some well deserved rest tonight. Be kind to yourselves and rest up in the day as well if at all possible. This too will pass..

If he's been poorly chances are he's still a bit under the weather and it seems mean to let them cry themselves to sleep when all they want is a cuddle to make themselves feel a bit better. Don't we all when we're feeling rotten? I wouldn't worry about spoiling his behaviour, I'd have thought that getting the reassurance he needs when he needs it is much less likely to create ongoing problems than not receiving it and feeling abandoned when he most needs your love. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I don't think responding to your childs needs makes them emotinally needy, rather the opposite, it makes them feel secure. Don't feel pressured to let him cry it out.

Thanks again, everyone, for all your responses. We had a much better night last night, with DS actually sleeping in his cot for the entire night! He went down quite happily again tonight, so I think he was just needing a few extra cuddles. Got some Medised today as well, so hopefully that will help clear up his nose.

He just needed cuddles then. Glad he's ok, now you can get some sleep. [jinx]

v pleased for you all that you had a good night!