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Original poster

Please help-desperate

81 replies

Addi13 · 19/01/2017 13:23

Hi,

I made a thread a few days ago but things have progressed since then.

My DD is 5 weeks old. She will not sleep in her cot, we've tried everything! My HV suggested getting into a routine from 7pm (!) which many people shot down on here for being ridiculous.

DD now won't settle in bed next to me either.

In desperation, we've started giving her 2 bottles at night just to try and get her to sleep in her cot. Last night we settled her for bed, fed, changed her at 10pm. White noise on, no other noise, lights off/dimmed. DD fell asleep at 3am! She was awake/crying every single time we put her in her cot. She only slept after I breastfed her then gave her a second bottle, she's not used to bottles so only took 2 ounces. She slept til 5, I fed her then she woke again at 6.

I am on my knees here, I'm so tired I can barely think straight. I've been sobbing since 6am because I can't do this anymore! I just want to walk out and book into the nearest hotel and sleep!

I think I have postnatal depression as I'm having horrible thoughts and feelings.

I saw HV again today and DD has gained 4 ounces in a week, she's basically stayed on the centile line. HV has said she's gonna refer me to perinatal team for counselling and I should see my GP re: possibly antidepressants (I've had depression before) she's also advised that because of how low I am my milk supply might be affected and if I wanted to stop breastfeeding and switch to bottles I should. All I wanted was advice on how to help DD sleep but she was so concerned at the state I was in that all she could say was how I should try and sleep and could I leave DD with someone before I have a break down.

Please, can anyone help me? I'm so low and exhausted and I can't even think straight. I love my children so much and hate feeling like this

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Munchkin1412 · 21/01/2017 08:56

This is probably terrible advice so feel free to ignore but it got me through the first weeks after a seven day induction with next to no sleep.

Using bottles at night - I went to bed at 8 and DP sat up in the living room with her in the cocoonababy til about 1am. Then we'd swap and I'd get up and nap on the sofa next to her if she dropped off for a few minutes but mainly spent the early hours watching say yes to the dress (can't watch it now as it takes me right back!) but I'd already had 5/6 hours sleep.

I had the anxiety issues too - would drop off and then jerk awake immediately, there was so much adrenaline. I was also hallucinating through lack of sleep which was an interesting experience. I could only sleep when I knew she was being taken care of in the other room ( I couldn't sleep if DP was asleep and I was worried about us both being asleep and no one watching her.) I convinced myself she had reflux as she wouldn't settle at all on her back, not even for a few mins, until I desperately bought a cocoonababy which helped. Try the sleepyhead please! Looking back she didn't have reflux. She slept so much better once I made the switch to formula at night too (and my mental health slowly came back...)

Just do whatever you need to get some sleep. Your dp can drive her around at night if needs be.

Original poster
Addi13 · 21/01/2017 08:58

The thing that really makes me want to tear my hair out is during the day she sleeps fine, she's barely awake during the day apart from feeds!

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Original poster
Addi13 · 21/01/2017 09:01

Should also add, I know I should sleep when she sleeps during the day, but until the antidepressants kick in I'm struggling to do this as I'm so anxious and hyped up through anxiety and stress I'm like a coiled spring and can't relax. When it gets to 7pm and DS goes to bed, I almost collapse through exhaustion rather than fall asleep!

OP posts:
CupofTeaTime · 21/01/2017 09:10

Sounds like colic possibly. Try colief

Heirhelp · 21/01/2017 09:33

Are you going to sleep during the day when she does?

Heirhelp · 21/01/2017 09:34

Sorry just read your other post. A lot of that not sleeping will be due to the stress of being a new mum.

Original poster
Addi13 · 21/01/2017 09:36

I'm not sure if it could be colic or reflux, they both sound spot on!

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amysmummy12345 · 21/01/2017 10:05

If it gets worse from tea time onwards it could be colic, try the colief first before going down the reflux route? I had a real cryer during the first few months, it was such a shock to the system as my first dd was a dream. I read somewhere that week seven is the worst for crying, then they start to find their feet and get more settled (unless there's an underlying medical cause such as reflux etc). Cluster feeding at night is a good thing as it builds your supply, but its a killer when its most the night 😢.

FATEdestiny · 21/01/2017 10:06

How long until your medication kicks in?

Assuming it's just a few days, don't try and 'solve' anything yet. Just through, survive however you can, manage. Take one hour at a time and just get through that hour.

Once your medication is working you will catastrophise less and be better able to think through your options.

Original poster
Addi13 · 21/01/2017 10:39

She sleeps like a stone all day, then becomes unsettled from 10pm ish, sometimes not until midnight but will be unsettled right through til 6am ish and then she'll go right back to fast asleep

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Original poster
Addi13 · 21/01/2017 10:41

I've been prescribed Sertraline, which I've had before, can't get the prescription til Monday then will probably take between 10 days and 3 weeks until it really kicks in and I start feeling better (every time I've had it before this has always been the time scale as it usually makes me a little worse before I start feeling better)

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amysmummy12345 · 21/01/2017 10:58

Make sure you get plenty of support, google homestart, they have volunteers who will come and spend a few hours a week with you to give you support whichever way you need, mine used to come shopping with me to keep an eye on dd1 while I got the shopping done!

Original poster
Addi13 · 21/01/2017 11:31

I've just a call back from out of hours, doctor has said because of the timing she thinks it could be colic and has recommended Infacol

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Scrumptiouscrumpets · 21/01/2017 11:44

I wouldn't let her sleep all the time during the day. I'd make sure she gets a feed every two hours, so if she's asleep, wake her up, feed, wind, keep her awake for a few minutes and then settle back to sleep. It does sound a bit like she's got days and nights mixed up and this might help.
I would also insist with the bottle. Express if you're worried about your supply, but use formula of you can't face expressing.

Original poster
Addi13 · 21/01/2017 12:14

I was waking her every 3 hours for a feed during the day, but have read that waking them during the day can disrupt their sleep patterns and cause them to sleep worse at night, so not sure what to believe!

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FATEdestiny · 21/01/2017 12:27

Nothing you do at 5 weeks old will have any lasting effect on her sleep patterns.

I would feed 2 hourly through the daytime. Feed, check nappy, have a ten minute cuddle/wind and back to sleep.

Heirhelp · 21/01/2017 14:32

Try to get her in daylight as much as possible. In the pram with the hood down for walks or just put her Moses basket in from of the window. This will help her to begin to learn the difference between night and day.

Even if you can't sleep during the day then rest. Lay in bed reading or on the sofa watching TV.

CupofTeaTime · 21/01/2017 17:03

If infacol doesn't wolf try colief. Colief has been a miracle for us

CupofTeaTime · 21/01/2017 17:03

Work not wolf*

CheeseFlavouredDiscs · 26/01/2017 00:48

How are you doing Addi?

I hope things are improving. Xx

Original poster
Addi13 · 27/01/2017 03:38

Hi,

Things have been up and down here. Me and DP are sleeping in shifts, I sleep from 7.45ish-1.30 then he sleeps 1.30-7.30 when his alarm goes off for work so I am getting a block of sleep although I struggle to settle and sleep.

In desperation, I opened and have started using the Sleepyhead, she does settle in it, not every time but more often than not.

The doctor has said that DD has colic and reflux so she is currently on Infacol and Gaviscon.

Unfortunately, because of the stress, I have had to stop breastfeeding. The bottles and the stress meant my supply dipped and she wasn't getting anywhere near enough milk off me, I tried feeding and expressing to get my supply up but it was just too stressful and exhausting. I am so gutted (I sobbed my heart out during our last feed) but feel that this is the right decision for DD and me.

My health visitor and perinatal mental health team have been fantastic, they've checked in constantly and been very supportive.

I've decided against taking Sertraline for the moment, I took one tablet and that night had agitated sleep so couldn't sleep at all! I've had this in the past (2-3 weeks of agitated sleep and sickness) whilst the tablets kick in and decided right now sleep is too valuable to continue with the tablets and the doctor and mental health team have agreed.

DDs sleep is up and down, I woke up from my sleep the other night and DP had put her in her bouncy chair to sleep and she'd slept almost 4 hours! Not the best place for her to sleep but at the minute we're doing anything to get her to sleep and get through this!

On Saturday night my DS is going to his granny's and my mum is having DD overnight, I know she's very young to be away from me for the night but me and DP are almost deliriously happy at the thought of a whole nights sleep together (we haven't slept in the same bed as we're taking turns sleeping and I'm with DD on the sofa in her Sleepyhead) we're counting down the nights til Saturday and it's really helping us get through! I know I'm going to miss her like crazy though!

The sleep deprivation is honestly horrendous but like I said, we're doing anything and everything we can just to get through the next weeks/months until things settle.

Thank you for all your replies and advice

OP posts:
lightcola · 27/01/2017 05:13

With both of mine I found the first 6 weeks hell. Then suddenly something clicks. You will come out the other side of this.

FATEdestiny · 27/01/2017 10:29

Why are you sleeping on the sofa? It is like you are assuming this is just a temporary thing. Make you and DH as comfortable as possible at night and plan for many months of this.

Single bed in the nursery if you must sleep in seperate rooms. No reason to though.

You can put the sleepyhead on your bed, next to you.

Or take one side off a full sized cotbed, wedge the 3-sided cot up to your bed like a sidecar and put the sleepyhead in there.

Timetogrowup2016 · 27/01/2017 10:55

It is temporary .
Their sleeping in different places so one person gets un disturbed block of sleep fate

lightcola · 27/01/2017 11:15

We had one on the sofa on and off for 6 weeks. Do whatever works for you.