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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

Please help-desperate

81 replies

Addi13 · 19/01/2017 13:23

Hi,

I made a thread a few days ago but things have progressed since then.

My DD is 5 weeks old. She will not sleep in her cot, we've tried everything! My HV suggested getting into a routine from 7pm (!) which many people shot down on here for being ridiculous.

DD now won't settle in bed next to me either.

In desperation, we've started giving her 2 bottles at night just to try and get her to sleep in her cot. Last night we settled her for bed, fed, changed her at 10pm. White noise on, no other noise, lights off/dimmed. DD fell asleep at 3am! She was awake/crying every single time we put her in her cot. She only slept after I breastfed her then gave her a second bottle, she's not used to bottles so only took 2 ounces. She slept til 5, I fed her then she woke again at 6.

I am on my knees here, I'm so tired I can barely think straight. I've been sobbing since 6am because I can't do this anymore! I just want to walk out and book into the nearest hotel and sleep!

I think I have postnatal depression as I'm having horrible thoughts and feelings.

I saw HV again today and DD has gained 4 ounces in a week, she's basically stayed on the centile line. HV has said she's gonna refer me to perinatal team for counselling and I should see my GP re: possibly antidepressants (I've had depression before) she's also advised that because of how low I am my milk supply might be affected and if I wanted to stop breastfeeding and switch to bottles I should. All I wanted was advice on how to help DD sleep but she was so concerned at the state I was in that all she could say was how I should try and sleep and could I leave DD with someone before I have a break down.

Please, can anyone help me? I'm so low and exhausted and I can't even think straight. I love my children so much and hate feeling like this

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Notsleepingeveragain · 21/01/2017 05:49

I had a cocoonababy. Absolutely wonderful.

CupofTeaTime · 21/01/2017 06:08

I would suggest either expressing your milk or just going to formula only, using Dr Brown bottles so as to avoid wind problems and hen taking it in turns with DH to sleep downstairs with her in her Moses basket so the other one can go to bed and sleep undisturbed all night. This is what we have done with our non-sleeping DD who is 9 weeks and we have really felt the benefit of getting that full nights sleep. This phase will pass and you have to do anything to get through. Breastfeeding is great but don't drive yourself insane trying to keep up with doing it, it's not worth it. Good luck

Original poster

Addi13 · 21/01/2017 06:18

She went from crying to screaming at 4am, so I took her out in the car for half an hour, which I shouldn't have done, I was so tired I wasn't safe to drive, just desperate!

I left her in her car seat and went straight to bed and crashed out whilst my partner sat with her, she's now woken up again so I'm feeding her.

I appreciate all the comments but struggling to remember who's said what!

I didn't give her a bottle tonight, DP gave her one whilst I was sleeping. She wouldn't take a bottle from me tonight.

We actually have a sleepyhead here that I ordered last week in desperation, now please don't judge, but because finances are dire at the moment I've not opened it as was hoping to not need it and return it because we really can't afford it! But I think I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and use my savings to cover it!

Cosleeping isn't an option unless DP sleeps on the sofa as he smokes

OP posts:

LapinR0se · 21/01/2017 06:24

Please get a sleep consultant. I highly recommend Carol Grassick who can solve even the most difficult cases. She helped me with my DD and also my sister's baby who sounds very much like yours.
She will get you all sleeping well within a week.

3luckystars · 21/01/2017 06:33

If she has reflux you need to get it sorted or things will get worse, you must get the reflux sorted.

Original poster

Addi13 · 21/01/2017 06:39

We could never afford a sleep consultant!

Who do I contact about reflux? As it's the weekend and not an emergency

OP posts:

1t6y9o · 21/01/2017 06:53

We had to use a sleepyhead - it really did work for us. I think you should open it and use it. If you don't find it beneficial they sell very well on eBay (I got 75% of RRP on my used for 5 months sleepyhead listed as a buy now and sold within a couple of days).

I also had a brilliant first sleeper and my second born is just awful. He has been like that from day one. Won't take a dummy either. It is dreadful and I understand exactly how horrendous you feel. I also have struggled with depression and have had dark thoughts about walking out, leaving etc because he exhaustion is unbearable.

Google 'Cheshire Baby Whisperer' and buy her book and start implementing her sensory routine. She also offers online/phone support and has a very high success rate. 5 weeks is very very young so don't expect miracles right now (have you read about the fourth trimester?) but if you have a poor sleeper you should really start to get these sensory sleep associations in place now as it will set your little one up for better sleep in the future. I started at 6 months and it was too late. I would honestly speak to her and let her guide you though - she will be far more help than any health visitor. Her charges are low too ... £30 for two months email/phone support including the book.

If you are breastfeeding really mind what you are eating - some baby's have very sensitive guts. It's very common for mums to have to avoid eating dairy whilst breastfeeding. I also wasn't able to have any caffeine or chocolate in the early months without it affecting my little ones sleep. You also need plenty of protein and fat, lots of real food, avoid processed foods. There may be a physical/gut reason why she is restless.

Hang in there.

Ellieboolou27 · 21/01/2017 06:57

Sorry but your baby is 5 weeks, 5 weeks not 5 months yes?
At 5 weeks this is quite normal, i suffered from PND with both of my dc, I know what you mean about not being able to sleep.
However, 5 weeks is very tiny, my 2nd dc was awful until around 9 week, she'd scream from 7-11pm every night, only to fall asleep then wake EVERY hour until morning.
Sorry but I don't agree with hiring a sleep consultant at 5 weeks, try the Moses basket downstairs like one poster said.
The first 6 weeks with newborns are very unsettling, do u have any family that can help.
Keep her propped up after each feed for 20 mins, use bottles if you have to.
Sleep deprivation is half of your battle as you can't function or think straight, I know I've been there.

LapinR0se · 21/01/2017 07:14

For the cost of a sleepyhead you could probably have a telephone or Skype chat at least

anametouse · 21/01/2017 07:19

I would get DH to sleep on the sofa if it gets you even an hour more sleep

Original poster

Addi13 · 21/01/2017 07:34

Yes, she's 5 weeks. I'm not expecting her to sleep through at all, I'd be grateful if she slept just a couple of hours at a time, a couple of times a night! In hospital I was waking her every 2 hours to feed her and she slept solidly in between, I'd be happy to revert back to that!

DD fed for over an hour (during the day she usually feeds between 20-25 minutes) I winded her and laid her on my chest til she was in a deep sleep and rolled her next to me in bed. She's stirring but not crying, and DS (5) has just got in bed with us

OP posts:

Original poster

Addi13 · 21/01/2017 07:35

Scrap that, she's crying and rooting around for a feed!

OP posts:

ElphabaTheGreen · 21/01/2017 07:40

This is a perfectly normal five week old baby. She does not have a 'sleep problem' and she does not need a sleep consultant. She needs to sleep in contact with her mother with frequent access to the breast which is exactly how most babies are designed to sleep at this age. Swaddling and dummy mimics this, but for many babies, they are no substitute for the real thing.

Your DP has to move to the couch.

Take the duvet off your bed and pull all the sheets tightly over the top of the mattress, wear thick button-front pyjamas and sausage-roll yourself in a blanket, or put her on top of a blanket pulled taught over the bed that you sleep under. Put her in a baby sleeping bag. One pillow for you, position her at your breast height so she is well away from the pillow. Feed her to sleep with you both lying there - she will fall asleep in situ, no need to move her and thus wake her up. You sleep lying next to her, with part of you in continuous contact with her.

Do not do this if you have taken a sleeping tablet.

This should get you both longer stretches of sleep as this is how she needs to sleep at this age. There is no magic way of getting a baby into a cot if all they want to do is stay in contact with boob and mum. (Plus it doesn't cost anything.)

Heirhelp · 21/01/2017 07:44

Babies do sleep better they like the light and the noise.

Make dp sleep on the sofa!

For the first 8 weeks the baby and I slept with a lamp on as she did not like the dark.

If you are happy to give the occasional bottle then tag team it for a bit. DH comes in from work makes you dinner and they you have a shower or bath and go to bed for a few hours.

Heirhelp · 21/01/2017 07:45

That should have read that they do sleep better in hospital.

LapinR0se · 21/01/2017 07:49

It's not normal Elphaba. It might be what happened to you but it's not necessary.
Also the OP is suffering with PND and needs to get this sorted. What you are suggesting will prolong and exacerbate the situation

ElphabaTheGreen · 21/01/2017 07:55

Lapin We do not ever and have not ever agreed in threads like this so please just respect what I have to contribute and don't start a bunfight. The OP can pick and choose what she likes. It is perfectly normal for a tiny baby to need to sleep in contact with its mother. I am suggesting a safe way for this to happen which may get the OP more sleep as it was the only way I (and many others I know) got more sleep at the same stage.

amysmummy12345 · 21/01/2017 07:56

You can go to the walk in centre about the reflux! I think it is an emergency. Write down all the symptoms and explain that Gaviscon isn't an option if they offer it due to the breastfeeding (from experience is just a faff and just constipated, making the problems worse)! Hopefully if they do diagnose it they can offer ranitidine or omaperazole, try and take shifts to get rest today 🙏

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 21/01/2017 08:05

I'd ring 111 and see if you can get an appointment at out of hours. The fact she screams when she lies down could be the acid rolling up into her throat. Let her sleep on your chest tilted upright a little until you get to see the doctor.

Sorry if someone has said this already.

RozzlePops · 21/01/2017 08:13

Are you winding her enough. After a feed keep her propped up. If she is suffering with reflux this will help. Do not let her lie flat. Try some infacol if you haven't done already.

See GP about reflux asap. You will be fine, it's really hard when they can't tell you what's wrong.

Hugs

Original poster

Addi13 · 21/01/2017 08:26

I've just given her a bottle, with her more upright than if I breastfed, she took 2 ounces (with a little bit of spitting/dribbling) sat her upright after and got a big bit of wind and kept her upright for a while and she's now fast asleep on her back!

I'm not sure if the bottles are giving her something my breast milk doesn't? Or if it is reflux? I'm so exhausted/confused! But I really appreciate all the replies

OP posts:

Original poster

Addi13 · 21/01/2017 08:28

Also, not sure if relevant but she suffers with really foul smelling wind! Not just the occasional fart, but really horrible smelling constant farts, she stinks worse than my DP!

OP posts:

RozzlePops · 21/01/2017 08:35

Just wind her as much as you can and try and keep her a bit more upright.

It does get easier I promise

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 21/01/2017 08:40

So sorry you are going through this, hope that you get all the help you need.

Do you think she has intolerances to things that you are eating?

AlfieTheRailwayCat · 21/01/2017 08:50

My baby was like this too, it's was awful at the time but she did eventually settle. Just took a while. Sounds like classic growth spurt behaviour - she is trying to up your supply by cluster feeding. Look up the kellymom website for this, I found it easier when I knew there was a reason for it all.

I agree with some others that if you can then feed lying down and cosleep. Make sure you take all the advice to make this safe though. It's the only way I got any sleep in the early days. After that I transitioned to the sleepyhead and it made a huge difference! Baby would happily sleep in there instead of permanently attached to me.

Everything seems worse with sleep depravation, do what you need to do to get some sleep - including asking DP to spend a few nights in the spare room/sofa.

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