DH too tired to do first night feed and then complains about baby crying

[jazz6]

My DH offered last night to do the 12.30 feed so I could sleep through to do 4am. Little one is just over 3 weeks and suffering from wind so quite restless and he's back at work. We're both tired and I'm up sorting out her bottle, nappy change etc, without complaint as he's not got up and been accused of not shutting her up as she's crying uncontrollably and he can't sleep! I'd love to take her into another room, but it's not complete until weekend. I feel like throwing him out or is that an overreaction? Sad new mum

Tiredness is awful. Some people deal with it better than others. He is leaving you to deal. Being a parent is a partnership. If he picks up the slack in other ways fine. If not he is an arse. It does get easier - your baby is only 3 weeks old..

I've just had a mini argument with DH over our 4 week old as we're having sleep issues. We both know it's sleep deprivation causing it. I know exactly how you feel.
If I was you I would have told him that he had agreed to do that feed so he had no place complaining about the baby as he hadn't kept his promise.

It doesn't need to be a competition. You are both tired. You may well both be grumpy and unreasonable with each other.

If this is your/his first child, there is also a massive learning curve you are both at the start of. It takes some parents (fathers and mothers) many weeks or months to adjust to the magnitude of change that has happened to your life.

Does he involve himself in parenting at other times? If he doesn't, to be honest at 3 weeks in I wouldn't be kicking hin out just yet. But I would be pressuring that he must learn, otherwise he will find it harder to bond and longer to adjust to parenthood.

I assume you are on maternity leave? Can you take baby upstairs with you and have a few naps together along with baby? That may help with tiredness.

Why does the feed have to be 12.30? Could he wake and feed baby at 10.30 or 11pm? Then he can get to bed at a more reasonable time. That might make your 4am feed more like 3am, but it's not all that different.

Thanks all. Just being able to vent and have an outsider opinion has helped a huge deal. We are first timers and hubby does help with other stuff when I ask. I'm still recovering from a traumatic labour so that's an added thing. He's being pulled to do stuff by his mother and is stuck.in the middle. It's ip to him to think for himself and realise what priorities are and to talk about what's on his mind. Taking it day by day and I'm sure we'll get there