1 year old only in cot for first couple of hours

[CantReach]

My dd is 13 months and has never been a great sleeper. Her best was about 5/6 hours without waking for a couple of nights in a row, but more reliably it would be 2/4 hours between wake ups. She used to spend the whole night in the cot, but since not being very well for a month or so (worse cold than usual that became a chest infection coupled with teething) she is fine for the first 2-4 hours but then we simply cannot put her back down and she won't settle unless I take her into bed with me. She isn't properly awake at this point - it's not that she will only go back to sleep next to me. She's gone to sleep but doesn't seem to get into a deep enough sleep to be able to put her down.

Everyone I know has told me to put her down 'drowsy but awake' but this has always just meant she immediately wakes up!

Following. In the exact same position so you have my sympathy!

Well, if no one wise comes along to save us at least we can be together in our sleeplessness and tired arms. Excellent username, too!

I was hoping that she would stop waking up once we stopped the nighttime feeds. She has one breastfeed before bed, but it's hit and miss whether she goes to sleep now so I'll try to drop it soon. Mostly we end up rocking her to sleep.
She's been down to 1 nap in the middle of the day for a while now, where she falls asleep in the pushchair/carrier and can sleep for up to 3 hours, no problem, like the first stage of the night.

So the basic problem here is that she doesn't go to sleep in her cot.

She needs to not just be put down drowsy, but ultimately aiming for putting her in the cot completely awake, even standing up in her cot. Then get lying down and going to sleep in there, on her own.

... But that's a long way off for you. If you want her sleeping all night in her own cot though, it is exactly what you need to be aiming for.

So what you need to do is take teeny tiny steps towards that end-goal. If you put "What worked for us mumsnet" into Google you will get a great thread come up that goes into detail for how to work gradual withdrawal to get baby going to sleep in the cot.

Is that what you did FATE?

I'm in the exact same boat!!!

With my youngest I did gradual withdrawal from newborn. Same principle but much, much slower and more gentle.

It took a year but by 13 months yes, she could be put in the cot standing up (With her dummy and two blankies - one for each hand) and she'd lie down and go to sleep

I'm not sure I can do the not picking her up when she asks.

Last night I read something where you go from feeding to rocking, then holding, then in cot and stroking or holding hands or something, then sitting there. As she's already gone from feeding to rocking we could maybe continue on that path.

We've all been waking up in the middle of the night with coughing, so her routine's been a bit off with extra naps catching up meaning she's going to sleep later, so I guess I'll try to get that back to normal first.

When I said "So what you need to do is take teeny tiny steps towards that end-goal", that is exactly what I meant

It's going to take you a long time, I don't know how willing you are to be slow and gentle? I would expect you to need to help her in getting to sleep for a good year, so past her being 2, if you want to take the gradual, kind, slow pace that means no distress.

You can speed it up, if you get to the Something Must Be Done point. But this would involve more distress.

I get you!

At the moment I think the slow approach will suit us better than a big change. We couldn't put her down at all without her instantly fully waking and crying for the first 3 months so she's not a natural at sleeping alone.

I know a mum with a 4 year old who cannot sleep without her and I don't want dd to find sleeping as difficult as her child, but also don't want to distress her now. If only she came with instructions at birth - 'I'm the sort of baby that needs...'