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Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

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Original poster

1 year old simply won't go to sleep by herself

32 replies

lananzack · 06/01/2017 22:45

How in the world do you get a (just turned) 1 year old to go to sleep ON THEIR OWN at a NORMAL TIME, say 7/8pm?

I'm due to have my second child in March and I can't be still attempting to get my daughter to go to sleep for 5 hours each night (I put her in bed around 7 and she won't bloody go to sleep until 12-1am, and that's only when I give in, feel sorry for the neighbours and end up letting her snuggle with me!)

I use white noise, she has bedtime baths, she eats and drinks plenty, she hasn't needed a bottle to go to sleep for months now, she only has around an hour nap at dinner time during the day, she will go to sleep absolutely fine if she's in my bed with me, she just simply will not sleep on her own. If I tuck her in, give her a kiss and leave the room, she will scream and scream and SCREAM none stop until she's red as a tomato and coughing and spluttering, swinging from her cot bars like a crazed capuchin.

Help me, I just want to be able to watch telly on my own for a couple of hours at night and to be prepared to have time ready for my newborns arrival!

OP posts:

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Sittingonthesofa · 06/01/2017 22:53

Explain to the neighbours what you're doing, apologise in advance. Have a very strict bedtime routine, then leave her in her cot. When she cries go back in after say 10 minutes, don't look at her, don't touch her, just say it's time to go to sleep and leave the room. You have to be prepared to do this until she falls asleep. Rest assured she will eventually fall asleep. Don't give into her under any circumstances. If you do, you're rewarding her for all the fuss she's made. Don't try it if you're not prepared to stick to your guns. This is the only thing that will work, but the minute you give in you're back to square one. Good luck.

Sittingonthesofa · 06/01/2017 22:58

Sorry forgot to say, the length of time she cries before she settles will get shorter every night and it shouldn't actually take more than a few days to break the habit. Far better to tackle this now, whilst she's still in a cot.

FATEdestiny · 07/01/2017 10:57

Have you tried staying in the room comforting her as she goes to sleep?

Original poster

lananzack · 07/01/2017 12:13

Yep, but it requires me staying in there for hours still whilst she either demands me to pick her up or fannies around playing and singing to herself - which I would be fine with her doing all night if she wanted to, if she let me leave the room !

OP posts:

anon1457 · 07/01/2017 12:18

I could of written your post! At one my DD sleep went from bad to worse. We did controlled crying because both myself and my partner were at our wits end. I know people have mixed opinions about it but parents only usually do it because they feel have no other option. We were going insane and my DP said he was falling asleep at the wheel some mornings on his way to work so we had to do something.

I read the book about cc first and got some pointers then I actually created a timetable got a stop watch and got stuck in. It was hard but I promise you it will work and you'll start seeing improvements within a week. The first two nights are hard, very hard so don't do it alone if you can. You have to believe it is for the better and she will benefit in the long run.

I started by putting DD down in her usual routine at 7 laying her down saying good night and leaving the room. Then she would start. Went in after about a minute the first night and this continued for about 20 minutes then she fell asleep.

I tailored it to us so some people increase the time they keep going in so you start with one minute then do 1.5 mins then up and up but I did it night by night. So first night let her cry for 1 minute the second night it was 1 min and a half etc.

I cried the first week and it was stressful but after the first week she was going down without a fuss. She had a regression about 3 weeks in but we stuck to it going back to leaving for one min and so on.

We never do it if she is unwell etc but very occasionally now she will do it (she is now 20 months old) and have a moan once she's been tucked in but we revert back to the controlled crying and are much stronger now.

People always comment on our DDs great bedtime routine and we know we always have an evening to ourselves it's absolutely crucial.

If you chose to do it it's hard but you will never look back just stick to it and do the smallest amount of intervals at a time so you are always going back to her. Lay her down don't even make eye contact and back out.

You will do it and everyone will be happier. Here if you need a hand hold
Good luck and don't be hard on yourself

Wheredidthebackboobscomefrom · 07/01/2017 12:19

Ianazack, you poor thing I struggled with my little one for such a long time and the health care visitor told me to toughen up and let him cry....

It took around 3 days I went in if I thought he was going to throw up and picked him up lay him down and covered him again in a blanket. So no strict time frames. To be honest I would only go in around 5/6 times u till he was zonked out. Each night it got easier.

Not saying this works for everyone! But I got to the point where I was exhausted and asked the health care visitors for help and that's what I was told and it worked....

Good luck Hun x

Wheredidthebackboobscomefrom · 07/01/2017 12:21

Oh and I also stopped going to him at night at the same time - big changes for him at the time, I felt guilty!!!!!

But now I see it was totally worth it for him and me! X

Original poster

lananzack · 07/01/2017 20:34

She was in bed for half 7 tonight, I stayed with her for 5 mins and, to my shock, she fell asleep! and then I literally danced down the stairs with joy. It lasted all of 10 minutes and she's been screaming ever since. I won't give in tonight !

OP posts:

FourToTheFloor · 07/01/2017 20:39

I stay with dd2 (15 mths) until she's asleep or very sleepy. If she's teething she can faff and have wondered if I should stop staying in with her but it's really no more than max 15 minutes at night which I can live with.

Dd1 I never stayed in her room but I did work at that.

Anatidae · 07/01/2017 20:42

Put a mattress on the floor and babyproof her room. Lie with her till she's asleep.

Our ds has been utterly resistant to controlled crying and every method in the book, but this works with him. Leaving him to cry made him so much worse - I think because he is scared of being alone in the dark. Everyone told us cc would work but it just made everything ten times worse!
He has just, at 15 months, started to be able to put himself back to sleep when he wakes about half the time.

Lireal · 07/01/2017 20:56

Have you checked if there is anything inbher room scaring her. Ds has a nightlight on. A starry tortoise which turns off after 20mins. He was terrified of a dressing gown hanging on the door.
He has a strict routine. Up to bed at 7.30/45. Teeth, wash/bath. Nappy and pyjamas. Story. Drink. Into bed and we sit and stroke his hair. Usually asleep by 8/8:15.
Do you need to drop a nap in the day?
Is she hungry or has tummy ache?
My ds would just cry himself until he actually vomited with cc.
1yo is very young.

Original poster

lananzack · 07/01/2017 21:10

Can't think of anything that could possibly be scaring her, she also has a starlight little elephant that plays her white noise, on a timer of 35 mins.
I've kept going in every 5-10 mins tonight to lay her down and let her know I'm still here, but for over an hour and half now she's been screaming and has officially made herself throw up, which I've never let it get to that before. I feel really awful, I've never been a fan of cry it out, but I don't know what else to do.

I'm also happy to stay in her bedroom with her whilst she falls asleep, yes, but she does not fall asleep for hours (if she even falls asleep!) without being next to me in bed - and with a newborn on the way, I can't get used to staying with her for hours when she should be going to sleep at a normal time

OP posts:

Sittingonthesofa · 07/01/2017 21:48

You're doing really well. The only thing I'd do differently is not to lay her down. Just go in so she knows you haven't abandoned here, but don't touch her or look at her. The idea is to be completely boring, so you're not connecting with her.

Stick with it, it will work.

BifsWif · 07/01/2017 21:53

Does she fall asleep by herself at nap time?

228agreenend · 07/01/2017 21:58

It's tough going but stick,it out. I had to do something similar with my eldest. He is now a teen and always the first to,bed and the last one up!

Good luck.

Char22thom · 07/01/2017 22:03

Well done, you've taken the first step in deciding the technique, now you have to implement it and see it through, that's the tough part. Keep going now you've started otherwise it will be ten times harder next time if you give in because she will be expecting you to. We are rooting for you, it's bloody hard but will be worth it for all of you in the end xx

Wheredidthebackboobscomefrom · 07/01/2017 22:04

Have you tried without the white noise? I changed white noise to lullaby sounds when my little one got to about 11 months as white noise wasn't helping him xx

Original poster

lananzack · 07/01/2017 22:18

Bifs yeah, like clock work every day around 12pm she falls to sleep by herself. Usually for around half hour to an hour.

backboobs I've never tried anything other than white noise, it worked a treat for her when she was tiny and it also helps me sleep now! The thought never occurred to me to try something different, her little elephant thing also has lullabies on it! I'll give it a go.

Thanks for the support ladies, although I officially feel like the wicked witch she's still bloody awake now! But she's cosy and quiet instead of screaming, so that's surely a good sign.

OP posts:

Char22thom · 07/01/2017 22:31

Does she sleep in her cot for her nap? X

Original poster

lananzack · 07/01/2017 22:38

Char she generally falls asleep on me after her dinner, or downstairs with me atleast. I place her in her cot when she goes to sleep and leave her in there until she wakes. She always wakes happy enough to be in her cot, too. X

OP posts:

Char22thom · 07/01/2017 22:55

So she is used to going to sleep with you and needs the same at night too, that makes it more difficult for her but not impossible, keep going, you will get there providing you are consistent for as many nights as it takes xx

MotherofA · 07/01/2017 23:03

I couldn't agree more with sitting . It's hard as hell but I'm pretty sure it's the only way . I got my DD in to a great bed time routine like this and also used this method when I took her dummy and bottle away . Only took 3-5 nights of this (with no giving in ) and then she was fine .
She has you wrapped around her finger and she knows it . My nephew is the same , he even makes himself sick .

Original poster

lananzack · 07/01/2017 23:06

Yeah, bless her. As its on her natural time frame (her nap) I fear if I put her in her cot before she is asleep/sleepy then she will fight me then, too, and thus not have a nap and I won't get that single hour of peace to do my washing and have a cuppa by myself during the day
Plus, I do love that hour of cuddling.

OP posts:

Original poster

lananzack · 07/01/2017 23:08

Just read that back to myself, I mean I love the cuddling before that hour, not the hour of cuddling - I wasn't lying about doing my washing! Lol!

Yeah, she most definitely has me wrapped around her little finger. I was gobsmacked when she was sick tonight.

OP posts:

MotherofA · 07/01/2017 23:22

I really feel for you . It definitely seems a good time to sorted with you being heavily pregnant though . Hats off to you and good luck

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