Another sleep regression crisis

[gladders83]

Hi everyone, first-time dad to a 4-month old girl here. I wish my wife and I had been warned that sleep regression exists - we had no idea, and were completely unprepared!

My little girl started her regression in the first days of December '16 and there's no end in sight. Rather than the typical sleeping in two-hour spats, she's moved into a worse stage.

Currently, she simply refuses to nap during the daytime unless held. If held, she can sleep on you for upwards of an hour at a time. But the moment you put her down, guaranteed, she wakes up, no matter how deeply sleeping and no matter how frequently we persist in it.

She does manage to go to sleep for bedtime at about 8.30-9 every night following a bath, feed and stories (although not without an almighty fight beforehand), and that sleep usually lasts until about 1am. Then she wakes and my wife feeds, but by about 2.30am she wakes me up to take over.

So take over I do. I hold her on my left shoulder, as it's the only part of me that she can relax on, apparently - right shoulder and other positions just cause frenetic squirming, to the point at which I now have RSI in my left elbow from holding it in the same position for hours on end.

I hold her, and she dozes on my shoulder - ever so lightly - so that whenever I feel she may have finally gone back into deep sleep, TWITCH, no, she's still awake, but just lightly dozing.

That light dozing goes on for hours. She seems to never return to a deep sleep, so I end up staying awake for that whole time.

Tonight, my wife tried to give her a top up at 3.30am, and our baby proceeded to doze and stop nursing. We decided to change her nappy to wake her up, and she wets herself the second I remove the nappy, requiring a complete clothes change, which woke her up. Back on the boob, she refuses to feed.

So my wife needs to pump and I take baby into the living room to give her some space and I brace myself for another few hours of being awake. Baby is now fully awake and refusing to go down, and my wife is going to try co-sleeping, which basically means baby sleeps but my wife doesn't.

I get the assurances that this will pass, but it's absolutely exasperating. It's getting to the point where I entertain the idea of simply letting her wake up by leaving her alone so I can at least get some company, but I know that won't help at all. My wife is taking the worst brunt as she has to nurse, but while I can manage on little sleep my wife is super-dependent on decent sleep.

Help.

Slumber buddy not baby!

Do you have parents/ siblings/ good friends who can come and help you out for a couple of nights OP?
Just so you get a bit of respite?
You sound done in - and although it won't solve anything, it might give you a bit of renewed .,,, stoicism?

Out of interest as baby is EBF - what is your wife's caffeine intake like?? Including hidden stuff like dark chocolate?

Bath might not be helping. Gave both of mine a second wind. Try not doing it before bedtime.

Any sign of teeth? Both of mine had 2 teeth through by 4.5 months.

Nora the formula won't help to settle the baby and that's not what elspeth was saying - it was about giving mum a break. Which formula CAN do as it means someone else can be responsible. So not really bullshit at all

Thanks

Oh I just had a thought re your reflux. Our lo had gaviscon at first. Didn't really help but it did massively constipated him and made him incredibly uncomfortable. Could that be contributing? How often is she having it? Definitely second asking for ranitidine instead x

Storm-brutal isn't it!! I had three broken hours last night. He won't go in his cot at all yet has slept in it today for four separate hour long naps. Wtf?!

"my wife is in tears and screaming blue murder at the baby"

Buy formula milk and a dummy.

Listen to ElspethFlashman.

I don't think formula is the answer either. Look, I think your baby has reflux. This is absolute shit but won't last forever.
You are doing everything as well as you can, go back to doc and get Zantac and use it alongside the gaviscon. Keep using the sling and if you are really struggling take it in turns to stay up and sleep every second night.
It is complete shit but it does end.

The only way formula will help is if you change to neocate and that is a last resort.

Just to add; echoing myself and a PP ranitidine is definitely worth trying but also, parents who have babies with severe reflux are often recommended to begin the weaning process at 17ish weeks (earlier than the standard 6 months). He idea being that food is a lot harder to come up than milk. A lot of parents find that it helps however, you do run the risk of destabilising her more as this is another new thing for her to experience as well as her sleep cycles changing.
To be honest though, it doesn't sound like it could get much worse so it may be worth reading up on that and maybe giving it a try x

I know it's controversial but we had to resort to controlled crying. My dd would only fall asleep on me/being fed etc before which was fine, but then she changed so that as soon as I moved even the tiniest bit she would wake up and either need to be fed to sleep (again, no movement allowed) or would think she'd had a sleep so would ping awake but be an absolute grump monster as she was actually really tired. We tried everything else. It actually wasn't as bad as we thought and we learnt to understand her cries i.e. What is actually a distressed cry and then of course we did pick her up - often she needed to burp (very windy baby!). Although I don't like controlled crying it was ultimately what our dd needed as her sleep needs weren't being met. She is such a happier baby after getting actual naps! She sleeps better at night too as she can self soothe a bit. We did wait until 6 months but I do wish we'd tried earlier. Every baby is different though.

I really wouldn't buy formula unless you are sure she doesn't have a cows milk allergy or issue with lactose. This is one very unsettled baby and formula is much harder to digest and can make a reflux baby significantly worse. I would give a dummy a go if she's willing. I'd be knocking dairy/soy out of my diet first to see if that has any effect but be aware it takes weeks to clear from the breast milk. You need a paediatrician to see her before you muck about with changing her diet etc. Otherwise you're flying completely blind. The needing to be held upright in a certain position is classic reflux baby because she hurts.

Seven201 you did the right thing waiting until 6 months!

Controlled crying isn't recommended for babies under 6 months because when they cry, it's because they feel they need something (if only comfort) and they're not capable of understanding why you don't go to them. It can affect them badly as they're supposed to learn to rely on you to come to them when they cry which is important for building trust until 6 months glad your LO is sleeping well now!

Thanks Becci. Yes that's why we waited until 6 months and we only did it as nothing else worked for us.

There has been some recent ish research I believe that shows there's no lasting damage. I have no idea if this research is valid etc. But here's what I found.
www.scienceandsensibility.org/blog/recent-study-finds-that-controlled-crying-causes-no-apparent-long-term-harm-should-we-recommend-this-practice-to-parents

Hi everyone, a update. My wife took our girl to a paediatrician who suspects she may have a dairy allergy, so my wife is cutting it out immediately. Unfortunately it will take a few days for the existing dairy to leave their systems so here I am again holding her on an hour of sleep. Hopefully this will do the trick. We're also getting ranitidine.

We don't have anyone nearby who is able to relieve us for a bit. The closest is my stepmum, a retired midwife, but she's in Tenerife right now.

Baby hates dummies.

Hi gladders hang in there. My first had a dairy intolerance, I went dairy free. It's not much fun as dairy is in everything but I found Tesco Free From range was ok.

After a couple of weeks there was no change so my GP gently suggested formula as we didn't know if it was dairy or soy or what but it wouldn't be good for me t do one of those hard core exclusion diets like the American breastfeeders are so fond of.

We were put on Aptimel Pepti first as that works for a lot of people. Not for us. So after a week or so I went back and he put us on Neocate which is the most stripped down in terms of possible triggers. It tastes rank and we had to lace it with vanilla for the first two weeks! But it was a resounding success. No more night distress.

We weaned back on dairy between 12-18 months.

Anyway that was our experience, I hope the dairy exclusion diet works better for you. I did find it just was one more thing I had to be responsible for and so I found it stressful - not only was I shattered, but now I had to read the back of every packet or I would make my baby unsettled. It was heavy.

You could help by reading the back of those packets too and helping with a shopping list. My husband left me to it and I wish he'd helped me cos I didn't know what I was doing or what to buy or where to buy it. I felt it was my problem to solve alone.

Best of luck.

My dd is on neocate and zantac too and is doing well.

That is brilliant brilliant news that you got the zanťac. Good luck.

Op I'm feeling your pain my daughter has a dairy allergy ( she was also allergic to eggs and soya) for the first 6 months she never slept Day or night, she screamed in agony and wouldn't settle, poor little thing.
Things we did raised her cot ( reflux)
White noise ( she loved the hairdryer/vacumn)
Dummy
Once she could sit up her reflux stopped.
And moving her into her own room.
Plus after getting her sorted with a prescribed formula it was a godsend. My poor baby slept and by god did she make up for the first half of her life. She was a great sleeper once her allergy was diagnosed and treated.
Sending hugs and it will pass and your baby will be a joy xx

My dd has cow's milk protein allergy and silent reflux (also on ranitidine). It can take up to 6 weeks for all the milk to leave your wife's system. It took about 3 weeks for us to notice a difference so don't be too dispirited if it doesn't work quickly.

You/your wife should definitely join the cmpa support group on Facebook, there's also a specific cmpa breastfeeding group too. There's also one for silent reflux. Seriously they're all great as if you have a query you get lots of more or less instant advice. Great for knowing what foods to eat etc. Too.

When it does work (ie problems all under control) it's amazing! It's like you're given a different baby, one that doesn't scream for hours in a go. I remember having one hell trip (among many) when it took me 2 hours to walk into my local town that should have taken 20mins. I finally arrived at a coffee shop (I'd set myself a mission to get there!) and my baby was screaming so much that more or less as soon I got through the door a stranger bought me a tea. That's a distant memory now and it does get so much easier and enjoyable!

Sadly it takes much longer than a few days for the dairy protein to leave the milk. It's more like 3 weeks not days. I'd knock out soy and eggs while she's at it as babies who are intolerant of dairy tend to also be bothered by soy and eggs. It will all get better from here. Her esophagus will heal and she will settle.

How are you doing op?

Bad. It's been a week dairy-free, so that should be eliminated. She's taking the medicine and her spitting up is lessened. But it's clearly her attachment issues which are preventing her from going to sleep alone.

Tried pick-up/put-down tonight again. My resolve was to put her down 8
pm and carry on as long as it takes. I've heard stories of 30, 40 minutes and that the baby should calm when held. Not mine. She's been absolutely screaming non-stop for an hour, to the point of hyperventilating out of sheer terror, and picking her up does not calm her. My wife, who was trying to sleep on the sofa in the next room, couldn't take it and came crying into the room to nurse her on the boob, which is the only thing that calms her down.

Fuck it. I'm just going to hold her on my shoulder, get RSI, make my back worse (I had a swollen shoulder blade this week, by the way, thanks to all this), and get used to sleeping two hours a night.

How much zantac is she on? How many times a day and what weight is she?

This is not sleep regression it's reflux.
you may need to up her medicine if she has put on weight.

Are you still giving her gaviscon.