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Sleep

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Original poster

18 month old and bedtime HELP!

19 replies

Ellarose85 · 20/12/2016 20:34

Hi,

My 18 month old has always been a good sleeper, has a bedtime routine of bath, bottle, story and bed for 7pm then sleeps through until 7am. Has one afternoon nap of about 2-3 hours which he goes down for no problem.

He has been teething lately and crying when we leave him in his cot, he literally screams blue murder! I've tried going in and laying him back down without saying anything to him and tried comforting him with a cuddle which works for about 10 mins then he starts again.

In the end, I give in and bring him downstairs as I don't want to wake 5 month old DD. He eventually goes to sleep at about half 9 which is far too late especially when he is still waking at his normal time. and I need some me time for my own sanity

Do you think he may be ready for a slightly later bedtime?

Any other suggestions?

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DOTLEYtheONEeyedDINO · 20/12/2016 20:57

I think the lunchtime nap might be a bit too long now. Also what time does he wake up from nap? My DC used to nap from about 12-1.30pm. They woke about 6am and were asleep again by latest 7pm - it worked. Until they decided no more naps, then it was earlier to bed for a while.

Original poster

Ellarose85 · 20/12/2016 21:02

He goes down at about half 12 and wakes up about 3ish. If he doesn't wake naturally he is a nightmare for the rest of the day, so I am a bit reluctant to wake him up but will give this a go if I can't find another solution

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ByJoveItsAGoodUn · 20/12/2016 21:20

I'm about to post something similar. Our 17 month old doesmt go to sleep till 9 if he naps past 3.30. It is harrd.

confusedandemployed · 20/12/2016 21:23

Separation anxiety? If so, I would pay down beside the cot and turn my back on DD. She soon went to sleep.

But i agree, I wonder if nap is a bit too long now.

confusedandemployed · 20/12/2016 21:24

lay down

frazzlebedazzle · 20/12/2016 22:06

It sounds more to me like separation anxiety caused by the teething. DD (18mo) has been going through the same thing - molars! Reckon it will pass.

She does have more like a 2 hour nap usually though.

FATEdestiny · 21/12/2016 08:57

he literally screams blue murder!

He doesn't have the language skills to explain to you what is wrong. What he's trying to tell you is he's hurting, feeling rotten and wants some TLC.

Put it in an adult context:

let's say the teething pain is knee pain
let's say baby trying to sleep (necessary, but hurting) is like you taking the washing upstairs.
you hear him upset but go in, lie back down and ignore. Is like DH hearing you ouch and dropping the washing, coming to you, making no comment on your obvious pain, handing the washing back to you without looking at you and leaving you to continue up the stairs with your painful knee (...I'd LTB)
you comforting for 10 mins is like DH in above situation hearing you ouch. Sitting in the stairs with you being compassionate while you get over the immediate pain. Then once feeling cared- for and a little better, he hands you the washibg back and tells you to get on with taking it upstairs even though your knee still hurts (...id also LTB)

What you would need is for DH to recognise you are in pain, that its going to be for a few days/weeks but won't be forever. Then to physically help you do stuff that is difficult for you to do right now. Like help you up the stairs by holding and supporting you. Generally make you feel cared-for and comfortable.

Any other suggestions?

Through this stage he needs extra comfort and reassurance from you.

I wouldnt would cut lunchtime nap, looks good to me. I'd just accept that while he's feeling rotten I will need to stay in the room comforting him to help him get to sleep. Or share a bed with him, I'd if you dont don't mind cosleeping.

Original poster

Ellarose85 · 21/12/2016 09:21

Thanks for your reply fate I like your perspective on things and will definitely remember this tonight.

Co sleeping with him hasn't worked since he has been mobile, he's a live wire and is up and out of the bed fiddling with anything in a flash! Also, we are co sleeping with DD so I don't want to have her woken.

I will stay with him in his room and give plenty of rocking chair cuddles until he drops off tonight

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Original poster

Ellarose85 · 21/12/2016 22:39

Soooo, the staying in his room with him and giving cuddles and reassurance didn't work. He seemed to be mad that I was there, got himself so wound up that he was sick

Eventually dropped off at 10pm.

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FATEdestiny · 21/12/2016 22:48

You have to keep trying when they are poorly or teething. It's not like this is a long term thing, if he normally sleeps well.

So I'd probably either sleep in his room with him or bring him in my bedroom with me.

splendide · 22/12/2016 16:17

I recently had a weird phase like this with my baby - slightly older when it all went wrong, about 21 months I think.

Sounds similar though, previously happy for a "night night" and left in cot, suddenly needed loads of help to go to sleep. So we had about a week where I had to lie right by the cot and hold his hand and whisper to him. Then it was weeks of sitting on a chair in his room. Oh plus often sleeping in his room from when he woke in the night.

We've just got back to being able to leave him to go to sleep on his own - don't know what changed really, he's just become secure enough again i suppose. It was annoying at the time - I missed that bit of my evening! - but I'm glad now I just comforted him for those weeks. He's so relaxed around bedtime, it's all worth it.

FifiFerusha · 23/12/2016 06:02

Hi. My 17 mo has gone through three or four stages like this. Could have been teething but I am never sure. It lasts a week or so . I do try and put him down and leave every time but he cries out so I do comfort him when he is like this. I worried at first at creating bad habits but he has always gone back to self settling so from experience just know that there are times he just needs a cuddle and a bit of help.

Also, I am too pondering on routine. My boy has the same sleep routine as yours and would happily sleep for over three hours in the day but this has affected how well he settles at bedtime( not sure how willing I am to cap that lovely nap though, all the things I can do :)) his bedtime is getting later so I have been waking him at 2.30 for the last three days. But to be honest, it hadn't made a difference, he still plays in his cot until 8pm before he tries to sleep....not sure what to do too x x

splendide · 23/12/2016 08:58

If he's happy in his cot until 8 then I'd leave it (and do!).

Our timings are - nap 12.30 - 2.30 and I nearly always have to wake him at 2.30, think he would do another hour probably if left.

Then into cot about 7.30 and a good half hour/ 45 mins of happy babbling/ singing/ chatting to toys then he sleeps until 6.30 ish.

FATEdestiny · 23/12/2016 11:15

Mines a bit older, 2y3m (hello from our post natal thread splendide btw) but sleeps 12-3. I wake her at 3 for the school run. School holidays and weekends shed shift her nap later, I think she'd prefer 1-4pm nap according to her body clock.

She's usually asleep between 7.30-8pm so to me, I don't see a problem that your ds is awake until 8pm FifiFerusha (hello from our historic sleep threads btw). Maybe shift bedtime routine to start at 7.30pm? I expect 11h at night (although this is getting more like 12h as she gets older) so a 7.30-8pm sleep time gave me a 6.30-7am wake time - which works perfectly for our family routine.

splendide · 23/12/2016 11:16

Hello Fate!

HeyMicky · 23/12/2016 11:19

Both of mine did this at the same age and in both cases leaving the door open solved the issue. They went down quietly with the door open so some light and noise was coming from downstairs; screamed the place down if I closed the door as I had been doing previously. Worth a try?

FifiFerusha · 24/12/2016 06:29

Yes am starting to accept the 8 o clock bedtime( was 8.20 last night...pretended to be an aeroplane for about half an hour before settling ha) Still loving that long nap( never thought we would get there FATE, haha, and hello. .these babies do sort themselves out in the end!). Mine sleeps until 6.30/7 now but on an earlier BT those early wakings creep in so I guess it is all good for now. Might try the door idea, it is getting that fine balance between not providing too much stimulation yet making sure they know they are not alone.

OP hope your LO is settling a bit better. . . X x x

Original poster

Ellarose85 · 24/12/2016 15:01

Hi everyone.

He is still not settling well (apart from when he stayed at my mums - why is that) I had to sit rocking him until he fell asleep at gone 9 last night then had to try to lay him down without waking him, got there in the end.

I've woke him at half 2 today after going down at 1 so hopefully we will see an improvement in settling tonight!

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Original poster

Ellarose85 · 24/12/2016 22:10

Had a bit more success tonight!

Put him down just after 7 when he was showing signs that he was ready, read him a story, went down no problem. Started crying a couple of times, each time I went and read in a story using a very quiet voice and with just the light from the landing and it worked! Hopefully we have turned a corner!

Thank you all for your advice, it's been really helpful and reassuring x

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