1 year old and late bedtime

[LittleBee23]

My dd2 is 21 months. She will not go to sleep before 9pm. We've tried everything-

• moving afternoon nap to earlier
• cutting nap to just an hour
• cutting nap altogether

-putting her to bed at 7.30 -putting her to bed at 8pm

We have a good routine, stories, songs, milk etc.

I wouldn't mind as much but one of us has to lie on her floor at the moment or she just gets out of bed and won't go back in and we're there til 10.30 with her screaming.
I need to work at night and the house needs tidied so by the time that's done it's after 10 and hubby and I get 0 time together and it's really starting to wear us down.

I don't know what else to try ☹️️

She's in a bed? It sounds like she's not emotionally ready for a bed. Children get a lot of comfort and security from the enclosed feeling the cot gives.

Could you bring back the cot?

It doesn't sound like she's not tired. It sounds like she doesn't feel comforted enough to go to sleep without you there (and It also seems she doesn't feel comforted enough even with you there)

Is this something your DD has always done or since she moved into her bed. We recently moved DS into a toddler bed and had a few bad nights with him. We kept his routine the same and he did cry, and get out of bed but we kept checking he was ok and then left him to. He does fall asleep although on the floor at the minute and I then sneak in and put him in his bed. I think if your DD is struggling this much, maybe putting her back in her cot might help? If this isn't an option, a baby gate at her door? I do think though that you and DH will have to stop staying with her until she falls asleep. You will have a few bad nights s with her crying etc until she falls asleep, but in the long run you and DH need some downtime together and she will learn eventually. Does she have a bath before bed? I find this helps as part of our routine?

Thanks very much for your replies. We had to move her out the cot at 16 months because she started climbing out of it and landed on her head and we felt it was too dangerous to leave her in it. She really isn't ready to be in a bed. Dd1 stayed in a cot til 2.5 and has never gotten out her bed at bedtime or during the night.

Dd2 has started coming into our bed during the night since we put her in the bed but we don't always wake up when she does it so we don't always manage to take her bad through.

She went down by herself from 6 weeks til she started standing up in the cot at 8/9 months and since then she just refuses to go to sleep without someone in the room with her. We've tried getting her to go to sleep on her own before she started climbing out the cot. we found rapid return really worked with dd1 and after 10-15 mins of that she would go to sleep. Dd2 we were almost 2 hours every night trying rapid return until she got herself into such a state that she was sick and I just didn't feel right doing that.

Now as soon as we leave the room she just gets out of bed and follows us out. We put her back to bed about 55 times one night but she ended up getting so distressed we had to sit with her because she was hysterical and then she was even worse the next night.

At the moment we sit at the door and I'm trying to move myself further out the door each night but she's too wise to it 😩

We don't do baths in the evening as by the time I get home from work and make dinner and we finish dinner it's almost 7pm so bedtime would be too late if we factored in a bath.

We did buy a baby gate for her room but the door frame was too narrow for it (stupid newer build houses) but we should maybe look for another one that's smaller. I don't mind her pottering about as long as she goes to bed when she's ready.

Was thinking of getting a gro clock for her as it really worked for dd1 but she was a bit older when we introduced it.

I would definitely look at a baby gate, I know you can get narrow ones as we too have narrow doors. My DS potters around as well until he eventually falls asleep usually on a teddy mountain he has made for himself. This might be silly but what about a picture of you and DH in her room that you can tell her is watching her and waiting until she falls asleep? You and DH might at least be able to get out of her room for a bit? You could even laminate it A5 size so it's nice and big?

So update. She's not going to sleep any earlier yet but after 3 nights leaving my feet in the door, last night she went over with me in the hall with no fuss. On Friday night, it was 5.30 before she came into our room (usually it's around 2ish) and this morning she didn't get up until her sister woke her at 7.

Hopefully she'll start going to bed earlier now as she seems more secure in her bed but even if she doesn't, it's definitely a better situation than it was so thanks for the advice.