Help needed for 10mo naps

[MYA2016]

I'm really struggling with my 10 month old at the moment. He sleeps brilliantly at night (12 hours every night). We give him a bottle and hold him for 2 mins or so as he sleeps very easily and then put him in the cot. Daytime is a totally different story. He has stopped going down even though he is clearly knackered. Before we would hold him (no bottle) for 5 mins till he fell asleep then put him in cot. Now he will fall asleep but wake up the second I put him down. It's getting to the point where he'll only sleep in the day on me and I go back to work in 2 weeks.
We're trying to sort it with controlled crying but he is very stubborn. Yesterday he ended up having 10 min sleep all day (that was in the car) as he just refused to go down and today so far I've been trying to get him in the cot for 35 mins.
Please help! I'm wasting my entire days trying to get him to sleep and it's really starting to wear me down!

Following... mine won't nap in the day at all either (1yo.) tried for over an hour today and he did seven mins then woke. He's the same at night too :(

Since you are doing cc, I assume that means you're working towards baby going to sleep in the cot rather than in your arms?

Personally, I'd do that with me there giving lots of care and reassurance. Have you looked at the 'what worked for us' thread?

Hubbles sorry to hear you're going through the same too, it really sucks! How long have you been in this situation?

Fate thanks for response. Yes trying to get him to fall asleep in the cot as it's the transfer into the cot when asleep which is waking him and upsetting him.
I have read lots into the what worked for us thread but me being in the room just stimulates him more.
Yesterday he had no sleep whatsoever (he was sleeping 2.the hours every day) and at night he finally fell asleep at 9 (usually 7.30) then unusually for him woke at 2am for 2.5 hours. if we go in the room he just laughs and jumps up and down and if we don't pick him up he will scream hysterically.
I always said I could never ever do cc but recently it seems to be the only way :( last night he did go back to sleep in his cot after 25 mins

Since he was born. He's been a terrible sleeper since birth. Teething and illness naturally make it worse.
Have looked at the 'what worked for us' thread but it has the assumption that if you sir next to them and soothe from next to the cot they will fall asleep eventually. Ours won't. He will scream for hours and hours and hours. And vomit, and bang his head on the bars until he bleeds. I can't let him do that for weeks on end. If we ever get to the point he will actually be in the cot and lie down in it we will try it.
I'm just so down. Nothing we do works, I'm beyond exhausted. He would be better off without me. It must be my fault somehow

(((Hubble)))

There is no one better for your son than you and his Dad, you know that

MYA2016

I'm trying to think of ways you could gradually move from cuddling to sleep, to cot settling. The stuff I'd do would involve the cot mattress being on the high settling. Things like cuddling while leaning into the cot. Then cuddling while also losing on the cot mattress. I assume you have the cot on the lowest height now? These don't really work.

How about cosleeping for daytime naps, just to break the extreme over tiredness cycle?

You could utilise the time cosleeping to reduce baby's dependence on being held to sleep by gradually changing your settling style:

• stand up cuddling
• sitting cuddling
• lying cuddling
• one arm only lying down cuddling
• one hand only lying down cuddling
• one hand plus some physical distance to get to sleep.
• lying next to, but not touching cosleeping
• lying facing upwards or downwards, not facing baby
• lying facing away from baby
• lying at other side of bed with lots of personal space

These Are no quick fix. It may take several weeks/months. But at least it helps his daytime sleep and also teaches the skill of not needing to be cuddled to sleep.

One last point - I assume you are trying to establish something as an I dependant comforter? If not a dummy then a toy, blankie, thumb sucking or some other self soothing mechanism

Any tips for introducing a comfort item? I've tried picking a toy and holding it between us as we feed - he flings it out of the way. I've done this consistently for months - he still clings it.
We've tried dummies (all of them) offering them daily. He chews them and spits them out. He has no favourite toy - he mainly likes turning pages in books and pointing to stuff.
For comfort he holds my hand and twists my fingers. Ive tried to find soft toys that replicates that but without success. I've done the 'wear it down your top so it smells of you.' Is it normal for a kid to have no comfort toy? He just isn't bothered but all kids I see his age (13.5 mo) are clutching a bunny or a blanket. He doesn't have any alternative sources of comfort :(
I'm failing him so badly,

It doesn't necessarily have to be a 'thing' to self-comfort. My son used to like rubbing against the grain of short hair. So on himself he used to run his fingers up the back of his head. This was his comforter. He had no toy or blankie. As soon as his hands reached behind his head, I knew he needed to sleep.

If anyone else was around he'd do it to them. My mum and DH both had short hair so when tired he used to reach behind their head to play with their hair. I've got longer hair so my hair was less satisfying to him. But kids will find a way. With me he took to rubbing his finger backwards along my eyebrows.

My point is that your child will find some way to get comfort. You can do things to encourage it, like consistent use of a special toy at comforting times, but at the end of the day the child will find something they like to do on their own.

My other (older) son had no soothing ritual (aside from the dummy) until I went back to work and he started nursery. He didn't get Mummys comfort to sleep ar nursery, so struggled for a bit. To help him the nursery staff started patting his chest repeatedly as he went to sleep. Within 6 months of starting nursery he started patting himself, on his own chest, as a soothing ritual when tired.

Children will find their own way, don't worry.

I do worry though - people keep telling me he will change and obviously he isn't going to be needing me at fifteen, but he's 13 months and still sleeps pretty much as he did the first weeks of his life. There's been no improvement at all since he left the 'feeding every twenty minutes' stage. He sleeps now like he slept at ten weeks. That's not normal surely?

If breastfeeding and/or your closeness is his comfort then all you can do is make that as manageable as possible until he latched onto other way to self-comfort or until he grows out of it.

The Sarah-OS website gives some research that children grow out of the need for comforters about school age.

I realise that might sound an age away, but these early years do go by in a flash.

My firstborn was a nightmare sleeper (mostly down to mistakes I made). She would wake multiple times and was often in and out of our bed for years. Shes 12 now, just started secondary school. On the night before her first day, she appeared in our bed at about 1pm. She is post-puberty now, a very mature young woman. Hasn't been in our bed for years. You know what? It was lovely to snuggle up to my big girl to calm her nerves about big school. I honestly miss those days when we had regular middle of the night cuddles.

There is always a silver lining. Soon your DS won't need you in the night. I bet you'll get to a time when you start missing it

Oh Hubble. My eldest was exactly like yours - woke every 45 mins until aged 2, dropped naps completely at 1 unless I walked round with him for miles and miles (literally, and he would scream whilst I did it). As soon as he could communicate properly (aged 3ish) it was like a switch and he slept through etc. I won't lie, it was horrendously shit.
Now, however he is the most wonderful boy; honestly, loads of people tell me that about him! He's kind, generous, funny, incredibly clever and curious; he just seemed to hate being a baby!
I remember you from the lifetime thread and I am so sorry he's not sleeping yet. DS2 is 7 months now and still wakes at least 3 times a night, but unlike my eldest he seems happy and settled during the day (unlike the melting down mess that DS1 was at that age).
MYA have you tried gradual withdrawal? Tried putting him down at a similar time each day? Sleep cues, eg sleeping bag etc? Hope you get napping sorted, although I must admit I'm incredibly envious of your son's 12 hour night time sleep!