Where to start with daytime naps- DS thinks cot is torture device :-(

[Pirandello24]

DS is 21 weeks and will only nap in the pram or sling during the day. On the few occasions he's napped in the cot, it's after falling asleep on DP and then being transferred to cot while asleep- he'll usually last about 20 mins before waking up crying though. If we try and lie him down in the cot during the day when he's tired but awake, he immediately starts crying and won't stop til we pick him up. DP has next week off and we really, really want to make some headway on getting him to nap in the cot as I'm physically exhausted from pushing him round in the buggy all day, but don't know where to start as all the advice I've read doesn't seem to apply to babies who seem to hate the very sight of their cot! Oh and he'll sleep in it ok at night, I do tend to feed him to sleep but he does often self settle if he wakes so the cot hating seems to be restricted to daytimes. Any advice gratefully received, wise Mumsnetters.

Am the same with my 9 month DS, I feel your pain! Watching with interest. I have managed the morning nap once or twice but otherwise exactly the same...

I always just fed mine to sleep and transferred them into the cot. They will get used to it eventually!

I've just started this with my 6 month old and he usually only sleeps for 20/30mins. Ds1 was the same though but his naps just gradually lengthened as he got older. I think short naps are quite normal when they are little.
With DS1 I used to take him out in the buggy for one nap a day so he at least had one decent length nap and the rest were short cot naps. As he dropped to two naps at about 8 months his naps gradually got longer on their own.

Mine was like this. If I fed her to sleep in the day her eyes would Spring open as soon as she reached the mattress. I feel your pain. I suppose he's too big for swaddling now? I used to play hair drier videos on you tube as the white noise helped and stroke her nose to encourage sleep. But mainly I just didn't bother and put her in the sling/pram. She got better around 7 months and started having regularish cot naps. But she just doesn't seem to need much day time sleep compared to her peers.

I have twins and they never had daytime naps. They just wouldn't settle. They did sleep through the night really early though. All babies are different, its just a question of getting used to when they need to sleep.

Can you try to convince him that it's not a torture device? I was worried about transitioning between small crib in our room and cot bed in lo's own room, and spent a few minutes each day with him in the cot with his favourite toys or with me reading to him. Don't know if it helped, but he took to being in his own room better than I thought he would (well, initially. We're having problems now, a month later, but don't think it's related)

DS did this, would literally only nap on me until he was around 8 months as his cot was enemy number one in the day, then one day I stuck him in it and he slept. After that, he wouldn't nap on me and preferred the cot.

He is 2.3 now, on the very very rare occasions that he falls asleep on me now, I hang on to him as long as I can, I miss those squishy cuddles so much!

Will he sleep in the buggy when it's not moving? My ds would only sleep in the buggy in the dark with white noise from 6 to 12 months. Then he suddenly learned to love the cot (once in childcare) and finally dropped the white noise. He was a pretty good at napping for a year. I would persist if it's important to you. Definately try darkness and white noise if you havent. I needed a cup of tea moment. Oh ds also napped better earlier in the day.

Both dds didn't like the cot for daytime naps. As the grandparents didn't have a cot when minding them I didn't push it. They nap in buggy and can nap well in most places provided it's quiet enough. Dd2 is 7months and is only stretching out into proper nap times now.

Mine has never, ever been able to be transferred in the day. His sleep is appalling day and night.
I put him on a mat in our playpen in the living room, feed him to sleep then sneak off. That way I get 10-15 mins to clean up/have a cup of tea/cry quietly before he wakes

I feel your pain, my DD is just a bit older and not a great napper! She likes the car though.

I usually put her to nap on our bed of she's being a bit difficult. She likes the big bed feel and our smell I think.

Not something I'd like to keep doing for longer though, we'll try the new cotbed soon

Do you put him in the cot when awake?

My wee terror DD was a bit of a nightmare napper so I used to just do "quiet" time. So in the cot around nap time. With a toy/book and music box on

Oops posted too soon.

I would leave her to "play", have a cup of tea and then check on her. Eventually she learned how to settle her self off to sleep.

its hard going innit

Does he sleep in there at night? If so, replicate the bedtime routine but a bit shorter

I forgot to add that my DD LOVES Classic FM. We play it in the car and now at home. She stops being fussy and often just drifts off!

Thank you so much for all your replies. Partly for the practical common sense suggestions but also for the relief that I'm not alone! So last night I looked at the weather forecast for today (shit, lots of rain) and decided today would be The Day DS Naps In His Cot- because I can't face pushing him round getting soaked. So I worked out a nap routine in my head to start today, here's what I did:

90 mins after he woke up from night time sleep, I took him into the bedroom. Sat on the bed and read him a book. Then I zipped him into his sleeping bag, closed the curtains and fed him. At this point he decided to do a massive poo and I was ready to give up, but DH brought the changing stuff into the bedroom and I changed him on the bed. Then I held him in my arms and did three rounds of rock a bye baby. I then put him sleepy but awake (ooh the holy grail!) into the cot (we have a next to me but the side was zipped up). I lay on the bed alongside the cot and started shushing.

The result? DS immediately started whimpering and doing little cries (as I knew he would). At this point I usually struggle as I can never tell if the shushing, rubbing and patting helps or actually makes him annoyed. I carried on doing a combo of singing (Moon River) and shushing and DS made a grab for my hand which I was using to stroke his forehead; he held onto it which seemed to settle him a bit. Then followed 45 mins of whimpering, thrashing and little bits of crying, but I was determined to follow this through! Worked out that the hand holding was the key to calming him, so carried on doing this, and quieted my shushes a bit. AND THEN HE FELL ASLEEP. Literally couldn't believe it. He slept for half an hour before waking up crying. I have no idea if it was a fluke or if he's finally developmentally ready, but somehow we did it. I guess patience and perseverance is the key. Will try again for his next nap and keep you all updated!

Well done OP!
So pleased he managed a nap in his cot, small steps!

Thanks ilovenannnyplum! DP just went through the routine again for his next nap- there was a bit more crying than the first time and it took around 30 mins of perseverance but DS slept for half an hour again! I know we've got a long way to go but it feels like a positive first step.