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Original poster

AIBU about Night feeds

25 replies

tiredviolet · 23/10/2016 11:10

DS is 6 mouths old and has never slept longer than 4 hours at a time (something we are working on). But AIBU to ask DH to do a night shift, just so I can get a full nights sleep to function the next day?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 23/10/2016 11:13

Has your Dh never done a night shift?

Yanbu

Why hasn't he done one before now?

SpeakNoWords · 23/10/2016 11:17

Of course YANBU. You can't exist properly on broken sleep like that, so on a non work night for your DP he can do a shift. Also, could he regularly do an evening feed to give you a longer chunk of sleep every night?

Original poster
tiredviolet · 23/10/2016 11:24

No he's never done one! Whenever i suggests or ask he says 'but I'll be tired for my day off then' but as mothers we never have a day off!!!!!! DS does take a bottle now or can be settled with a dummy ( as I keep telling DH) nothing!

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53rdAndBird · 23/10/2016 11:26

YANBU. He's being ridiculous. "Tired for my day off"?

Soubriquet · 23/10/2016 11:27

Tough.

It's his baby too and he can man up and do a bloody night feed

user1471507699 · 23/10/2016 11:31

YANBU! My 7 month old will only settle back to sleep after a breastfeed so I have to do every wake up, but I still hand her over to DH at the weekend (and sometimes in the week) when she decides not to go back to sleep for an hour. I am tired most days so would be very annoyed if DH said he didn't want to be tired! I am currently dreaming of a good night's sleep!

Original poster
tiredviolet · 23/10/2016 11:36

Thank you everyone! Don't get me wrong DH works really hard for us and long hours! Just fed up of doing everything!! (And being exhausted)

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MrsCookieMonster78 · 23/10/2016 11:43

Sorry but he's an asshole, imagine having the nerve/front to say I will be tired for my day off. I don't care how hard he works, you are basically working 24/7 and he can't even take your baby for 1 night. And you shouldn't have to ask. Out of interest does he do anything else?

Original poster
tiredviolet · 23/10/2016 13:54

Bath time if I ask, only feed him Breakfast once! I might not give him the opportunity because I just get on with it! But the nights are the part that are driving me a little mental!!!!

OP posts:
MrsCookieMonster78 · 23/10/2016 14:27

Does he play/talk to the baby much? Sounds like you are doing everything. I really think you need to have a serious chat with him. Okay he works outside the house during the day but you work in the house and look after a baby (I'm guessing you are also doing the housework). When he is home especially at weekend at the very least thing should be split in half so fair enough if he wants to get a rest one night but he could do at least one and he should be doing half the housework, looking after the baby at the weekend. That really is the bare minimum.
Also you getting on with it is really not an excuse unless he has offered a few times and you have said no. I think you need to sit down with him and explain it's not on. Also in my experience and based on people I know most other halfs who work outside the office would do childcare and housework in evenings or at the weekend. Do you ever get to go out and see friends or do something just for you?

Original poster
tiredviolet · 23/10/2016 14:43

Yeah he loves him so much and plays when he gets in from work! We are living with my parents for a short period, so I do the house work for 4 adults and a 6mo! I've never really talked about this before but now it's written down it really isn't ok! My mum does have him for two hours whilst I go to the gym twice a week!
No I haven't gone out or even eaten out since he was born!

OP posts:
MrsCookieMonster78 · 23/10/2016 14:51

As you haven't said too much to him before maybe give him the benefit of the doubt and talk to him about how you feel, but it does sound really bad written down. Also do your mum and dad not help with the house work? I don't know how you are standing if you are doing all that and never even getting a nights sleep. I don't know what the situation is with your parents but you need a chat with your husband.
Does he go out? Now that the baby is 6 months you should at least be able to go out every couple of weeks with DH for a meal or to the cinema if you would like to? Would your parents babysit?
TBH sounds like a lot of people are taking you for granted. Is it possible your DH thinks your parents do more?

Sirzy · 23/10/2016 14:53

On his next "day off" I would be tempted to book a hotel room and tell him your having a day and night off!

PotteringAlong · 23/10/2016 14:57

My mum does have him for two hours whilst I go to the gym twice a week!

No I haven't gone out or even eaten out since he was born!

It isn't right that he does this, but you get that you've completely contradicted yourself here, right? You go out twice a week!

carmenta · 23/10/2016 14:57

I'm surprised you've lasted this long, I would have gone insane long since with that little support.

Try timing everything e.g. on an app - add up how long it takes per day to do everything for your DS (excluding general housework). Use this as the basis for a conversation about everyone needing to equal leisure/down time. Unless your DH works about 12-14 hours a day seven days a week then looking after a six month old is probably more time consuming.

Original poster
tiredviolet · 23/10/2016 15:08

PotteringAlong, yeah I suppose I do 'go out' twice a week but that is to an exercise class/ the gym and nothing to do with my husband doing night feeds! My mum has him whilst I go, I could choose to do something else in this time I guess!
Thank you everyone might show him this post and talk about it!

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MrsCookieMonster78 · 23/10/2016 15:24

Good luck and look after yourself Smile

PotteringAlong · 23/10/2016 15:27

I know it's nothing to do with night feeds which is why I agreed that it's wrong that he does it, but if you're trying to make a rational case for him doing more then making statements like I've not been out since he was born when it's not true doesn't help your case because all he will say is, that's not true, you go out twice a week.

MrsCookieMonster78 · 23/10/2016 15:33

Pottering - She was answering a question I asked and frankly I wouldn't call going to the gym going out. Okay she gets out of the house for a couple of hours a week but I can't see how that means that she should be shackled to the house and child the rest of time! Hopefully her husband isn't as pedantic as you are being. She should have some free time to herself when HE has the baby and not her mother and she shouldn't be solely doing housework for 4 adults and a baby while looking after a child who never sleeps longer than 4 hours at a time and getting no support from her DH.

Original poster
tiredviolet · 23/10/2016 16:13

PotteringAlong, I didn't realise I had to 'make a case' to my own husband, I'm not pleading for more time out on the town! Just if I'm being unreasonable to think he should do a night so I can function! A full nights sleep is all I ask!

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Original poster
tiredviolet · 23/10/2016 16:36

Mrs Cookie Monster, thank you I will.

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milkshakeandmonstermunch · 23/10/2016 16:42

My suggestion would be that your DH should do the night shift every Friday or Saturday night. He can be on call from bedtime until the baby wakes up for the day. That way you get a decent sleep. DH can then go back to sleep for a few hours if need be (even though I doubt you ever get to do this) and you can all spend the afternoon together.

PotteringAlong · 23/10/2016 17:58

You don't have to make a case. But nor do you have to pretend that you're more hard done to than you are.

fluffikins · 23/10/2016 18:39

I've done every night since my dd was born (so for 17 months) and she's never slept more than 3 hrs at a time so it's pretty tiring, I also work full time. If she accepted a bottle or dummy id be the first to hand her over though! He needs to start caring for your lo, not just playing otherwise he'll find that he won't be able to comfort him when he needs it and your lo will see only you as a caregiver

Original poster
tiredviolet · 23/10/2016 20:55

Fluffkins, oh no! That must be so hard! Sorry to complain about only 6 months! Your right though he needs to be able to be comforted by DH!
Thank you everyone for your suggestions! I'll update after the chat!

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