Controlled crying...what was the longest your LO screamed the place down?

[Tinks15]

1.5 here...she just dont give up!

CIO (leaving the baby to cry itself to sleep) and CC (checking on the baby at regular intervals, be that every couple of minutes or every 10 mins) are not the same and anyone conflating them is someone to be safely ignored.

Having said that, it's a long time to be trying and suggests that nap time/routine might be wrong?

Most of you had never had a high needs baby then ...

Sometimes you just have to

A lot of judgemental arseholes on this thread.

My DS hit the 4 month sleep regression and his sleep got worse and worse. Hours of screaming at bedtime. Up every 30 minutes and took 2 hours to go back down. Everyone said it would get better. 2 months of it and it didn't. I was broken. I was totally sucidal from lack of sleep. Nothing settled him. Not boobs, not cuddles, not white noise, not rocking, nothing. He was miserable from lack of sleep.

2 nights of controlled crying and he was a changed baby. Settles immediately at bedtime and feeds once. Wakes happy in the morning.

So I don't give a fuck if you think I was neglectful tbh. He now loves bedtime - shrieks with delight during our routine. He's much much much happier in general now he's getting proper sleep.

In answer to your question op it took 1.5 hours on night one and 20 minutes on night 2.

A lot of judgemental arseholes on this thread
How rude.
Actually, its not appropriate to be tolerant of unacceptable behaviour.
I'm glad you have your baby's bedtime under control, if that's what suits you both.

And I can't fucking stand Sarah Ockwell-Smith - oh just co sleep!

Tell that to my DS. He hates it.

You do NOT have to accept extreme sleep deprivation. It is NOT just part and parcel of having a baby.

timely

So what would your solution have been to my situation then? I was suicidal. Should I have just let that continue? How was that good for my baby?

Hopefully people are offering water or milk in case the baby is getting dehydrated while crying?

Everyone i know who has 'sleep trained' let them cry for about 1-2 hours every time they woke. I don't understand the controlled bit because no one said baby calmed down when parent came into room and if anything it made it worse. With my 1st child under pressure from busy bodies I did 'controlled' crying, going in repeatedly. Mine cried more and more hysterically as time went on. Horrible and was never repeated. (Gleefully) my uber routine sleep trained friends babies had periods of time when they still woke in the night and now are 5am wakers. Your baby will sleep eventually, chill and be nice, it'll reap the rewards.

We did Cc with both DSs - ds1 was exhausted with a combination of teething and giving up his pacifier (of his own accord) at the same time.
When I found myself driving around at 2am to get to go to sleep and having to get up at 4am for marathon training I knew things had to change.
The night we decided to do it he was 13 months and didn't want to be fed, cuddled, lay down, stand up, nothing could soothe him.
So we put him in his crib and went in at 3, 5, 8, 12 etc.
He drifted off after 45 mins and slept through until 8am.
Second night the same process took 20 mins, the third it took 30 seconds.

DS2 I found trickier because he was a much cuddlier baby but he only took 20 mins and was then done.

It works for some but not all, but it saved my sanity and that of our kids.

It's not very 'controlled' if your baby is crying for 1.5 hours, is it?

I'm not sure all you people who don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of your parenting choices realise just how much of a fuck it appears you give when you get so irate over others criticising them.

I don't and won't leave mine to cry. And yes, I've had a high needs baby, before anyone tells me I can't possibly understand what it's like. I think cio methods are awful. I'm not prepared to do something I personally feel is inappropriate and unpleasant and unkind to get more sleep. Some people are and that's up to them, but it's not something I could ever support.

I just don't see why anyone has a problem with other people doing what's right for them. Your baby isn't the same as anyone else's baby.

I would never judge anyone who chose to feed or otherwise comfort their baby to sleep. I would have done those things in a heartbeat if they worked for my DS. They didn't. He was so miserable from lack of sleep it was heartbreaking. It was awful hearing him cry but we had hours of screaming every night anyway. This way was better for him.

I actually find it quite upsetting that I can say I was suicidal from lack of sleep and my DS was miserable and people still have their judgy pants on

Just to clarify it isnt just napping its bedtime also and my DD has NEVER once slept through and i have tried other 'methods' before this. As i said before i didnt really want to do this but its come a time when i feel i need to do something.

Btw thanks to those for the shitty comments - just what i want to hear.

Sleep deprivation is torture and certainly caused my fairly bad PND but I still cuddled my kids, slept with them when they were ill or teething, gave calpol etc in the night because they needed me too and in doing so I felt I was doing the right thing for me. the screaming drove me over the edge I had to stop it as much for me as the kids. I judge you as much as you judge me really ;)

I haven't judged anyone.

I do cuddle my DS. We have a lovely relationship. Lots of cuddles and love.

Don't feel bad Tinks. It's not for everyone and that's fine. But there's absolutely no reliable evidence that what you are doing is in anyway harmful for your baby, and there is plenty of evidence that a decent night's sleep will do you both the world of good.

It's no criticism of anyone who cuddled, fed and rocked through the night to say cc isn't cruel, usually works, and can be quite simply for a child's long term good. Each to their parenting own.

No judgement here op

I'm fact I think it must me more stressful to never sleep and ending up in stupid situations where parents can't even leave the room to pee or the baby is only happy sprawled across two parents held hostage on their bed than three or 4 nights of crying could ever be.

Think the most my kids ever cried was an hour. I'd have left it 2 if I had to. Anything to prevent having to be kicked or have my hair pulled every night.. stuff that

By 15 months they pretty much cry if the sky's the wrong colour...

It's a pointless task trying to not let them cry

45 minutes here. (Yes I was checking during these 45 minutes!) it doesn't work for a children though. I had three days of hell with CC and then he would just drop off after a minute or so. So glad I pushed through and three years later he still goes to bed like a dream.

For all children *

And I can't fucking stand Sarah Ockwell-Smith - oh just co sleep!

Tell that to my DS. He hates it.

Co-sleeping = same room
Bedsharing = same bed

I find it laughable unicorn that you think you 'haven't judged anyone' when in your first post you called anyone who doesn't agree with controlled crying a 'judgemental arsehole'......that lack of sleep obviously still affects you even now.....

OP please ignore all the scare stories on here about controlled crying. I could tell you loads more about parents who refused to tackle sleep issues but I won't I'll just say life is so much better when you have your nights and evenings better for everybody . You cannot rely on your child will eventually learn to sleep through I work in an area where it's totally obvious that doesn't happen. And the older they are the harder it is to tackle so stick with it.

Unlike the 8 year old and 1 year old our 3 year old has never slept through. He's getting there, we co sleep from midway through the night. I didn't really expect to have good sleep when I decided to have children. People getting defensive about CIO do so because they feel guilty I think.

Mummymayhem the best comment I've read today

'Your baby will sleep eventually, chill and be nice, it'll reap the rewards.'