Any advice please, for a 9 year old scared and won't sleep in her own bed?

[user1476136773]

Hi everyone,

Ongoing problem (since forever I believe) .... My partner's 9 year old has always slept in the same bed as her parents. They broke up 2 years ago, and her daughter visits him every second weekend for 3 nights. When she is here my partner has to sleep in the same bed as her. She sleeps in the same bed with her Mum at home too.

We have a lot of fun when she is visiting, with outings etc. But when we are at home she doesn't really like being alone at all and will follow us around the house. She is scared to go upstairs alone etc.

Just wondering if anyone else has an older child who refuses to sleep in their own bed? The parents have tried getting her to sleep in her own bed but she is too scared. We think she will grow out of it as she gets older, but I wonder if this lack of independence will affect her as an adult....

Thanks for any advice, sorry for the essay

No real advice I'm afraid. I have a 5yo DS who is the same. Will go to bed on his own but within a couple of hours he's awake and getting into bed with us. He won't play in his room on his own either.

In his case he had a medical issue that has seriously affected his sleep, even though it's been successfully treated. He's in a pattern of waking up and is genuinely afraid of being alone. I've no idea what to do either, but I'll watch the thread with interest. Sorry I'm not being much help!

No personal experience (yet!) but does she always have to sleep in the same bed? Have they tried having a mattress on the floor, either in her room or in her Mum/Dad's room? If in her room, it might be a step towards getting her to sleep alone in her bed all night.

I was like this as a child not so much in the day but I was terrified at night, I think it was due to reading the papers from fairly young and lying awake convinced I could hear burglars/murderers etc.

I'd try a mattress on the floor of your room?
What worked for me was swapping bedrooms to one I felt a lot more safe in but realise this might not be a possibility. I grew out of it eventually at around 11/12 and have been totally fine as an adult.