How do other families do sort bedtime?

[yummymummy1920]

I've got a 2 yo DSD and a 2month old DS and bedtime is a serious issue at the moment ..
DSD has just mastered potty training (during the day) but has started refusing to wear her pull ups at night so pisses in the bed instead which is causing hassle and then DS is getting a tooth through.
We have bedtime routines for them both but it all goes to shit when DP has to work late which is all the fucking time to avoid bedtime!
Has anyone got any suggestions on how I can crack this problem?

P.s DSD won't sleep in her own room so she has her cot bed in our room ..
We have tried EVERYTHING to get her to stay in her own room but no luck. So at the moment we are putting DS to sleep in his pram down stairs until we go up to bed later on

What about putting daughter in a pretty reusable nappy at bedtime and calling it pants as it will feel wet to her so she will know but won't leak, then lay on your own bed with a child in each arm until they fall asleep then move them to their own beds later? Not ideal but it gives you a break

My dd refused to wear nappies at that age at night as well but it wasn't negotiable so she wore them! I put her back into popper vests so she couldn't easily take them off.

She also would have liked to sleep in my room but that wasn't going to work for me so she slept in her own bed!

Why does the routine change if your DP isn't there?

If it were me the routine would look something like this...

5.30 dinner
6pm bath times for both of them.
6.30 out and pjs on
6.45 milk for the baby and story in bed for the 2 yo.
7pm both baby and toddler into their beds.

It sounds like the 2yo is in charge at the moment which is understandable given you have a new born to deal with as well but you probably need to stop pandering to her and just tell her this is how its going to be now.

Our usual routine is
6pm tea/bottle
7pm bath for both
7.30 pm in the night garden my sky box has every episode recorded
8pm sleep

BUT when DSD is very tired she will not go to sleep without her dad or a bribe then by this point DS is wanting his bottle and starts crying so the DSD joins in and I end up sitting trying to get them both to sleep for ages with lots of inside tears from me too

My DSD is very demanding as she is an only child at her mums and has her every last whim catered too

I'm having a tough time when DH away too getting 20 and 4 month DDs down. Luckily dd2 can drift off with dummy and me putting it back a couple of times, but the problem is dd1 shouts/cries REALLY loudly then startles dd2 which means I have to run and resettle dd2 and get really frustrated with dd1 which makes her shout more. Plus dd1 has developed some new bath phobia and tries to climb out, risking real injury. Now am tending to all go up at 6.15, get dd2 in the bath for 6.20 and out and dressed by 6.30. Dd1 can either join her or wait. If dd1 in bath, feed dd2 sitting on toilet, put her on floor and get dd1 out then put dd2 down in cot in our room and switch monitor/white noise on. If dd1 didn't want bath, ask her to read quietly (this appears to need to involve shouting) while I feed dd2 and put her down, then get dd1 in bath then out &pj's /milk/stories/bed. This bit requires me running back and forth to resettle dd2 a few times. Poor dd2 doesn't get a sense of routine and poor dd1 gets left without so many cuddles and poor me feels like I have run a marathon by the time both are asleep. Would be good to see other tips which might help!

A two year old doesn't get to choose, put a pull up on her. Try a sticker chart for wearing one without a fuss.

Who does most of the bedtimes? If it's you, then you need to set the agenda and routine and DH follows your lead when he is there.

You are giving far too much choice.

Nappy, pull up, bedtime pants - whatever you use she doesn't get a choice. It might take until she's 5 years old until she's dry at night. It doesn't happen at same time as daytime potty training.

Put the cot in her own room. Deal with the petulant screaming because this isn't what she wants. It is best for her - so be a parent and be the boss.

Dealing with baby and toddler is hard work, especially if alone. How about delaying little one (since she's too little for 'bed time' yet) while you do toddlers bedtime?

Second the poppered vests. Asda do peppa pig pull ups (same price as normal ones) so that might help as would a poppered onsie then once she's had the paddy about wearing said pullup she simply can't take it off. Physically night time dryness develops much later so she might have 2 more yrs before she's dry at night, imagine all that washing if she wins this one!!
Think you have 2 options. 1 is bribery. I do all bedtimes alone. My older ones watch cbeebies whilst i pick off the weakest one by one give individual attention to each till they're all in bed . But I'm tough and messing about means no story etc.
Or you get tough. Put a stair gate on her bedroom, start gently and if she refuses then boss her about having her own room and that she'll have to stay in it, then smother her with praise when she does, she'll get over the upset, and so will you (hugs) but ideally her dad needs to be there too.
Wouldn't worry about 2 mth old, once older DD in her own room you can work on baby and then get your evenings, a hot meal and your sanity back [wine
Hang on it there, it gets easier I promise!!

What happens with nappies /her own room etc when she's with her Mum? If you're trying to do stuff & her mum isn't you're never going to get it cracked as the poor little thing is going to get so confused. It sounds to me like this issue is you're trying to parent someone else's child with no meaningful input from her mum or her dad. Do you have any ability to discuss with her Mum?