Anyone up? Could do with a handhold

[Zaurak]

I know I haunt these boards but I'm at a real low tonight. Ds (8mo) is not sleeping. Again. I'm averaging under an hour of sleep a night. I just can't cope.
Sitting in tears next to an inconsolable screaming baby and frankly want to chuck myself out the window at the thought of another day with zero sleep.
Sorry. Just needed a vent.

I play YouTube videos of waterfalls to DS. Look up '8 hours relaxing nature sounds', there are loads. They help us a bit.

I hope they help. It sounds tough!

Morning all.
Dh really is very good - he was quite poorly yesterday with the same bug ds had and so I'd banished him to the sofa downstairs. He does pull his weight - he's spent many an hour at midnight pacing around with ds so I can at least nap.

There aren't really mothers groups near me - I'm quite out in the sticks so it's a bit of a mission to get into town. Plus I really don't know anyone that well here- I'd been concentrating on my career before I had ds and frankly don't have any real friends here. I am trying - I've joined FB groups and am having mum-dates with a person or two but this kind of thing takes time (and mental energy I don't have.) he probably does need mental stimulation more - we play, read, go out for walks etc but we don't have other little ones to play with.

White noise - yes we use that. It relaxes me, not sure if he likes it or not!

I've booked tickets back to the uk. We can have a couple of weeks with his gps (who are lovely) and at least I'll get a break in the day.

Dairy: jeez, what do you actually eat if you cut out dairy ? I can try it. Food right now is whatever I can grab in the few moments between outbursts. Generally toast, yoghurt and tea (decaf generally, another thing I've cut out to see if it helps.) any tips for things that are quick and dairy free? What can I put in my tea (don't make me give up tea...)

Thank you all for your kind words and support- last night was very very tough. Dh took over at 5 for a couple of hours so inhale had about 90 mins kip

You're doing everything you can

Does he have any kind of nap in the morning? How long?

He will do two naps a day. Generally he's awake most of the night, dozing rather than sleeping. Dh takes him from 5-6:30 so I can sleep then he will have nap 1 about 8am. If I leave him to it he's awake after ten minutes so I have to keep going back in and resettling him. He will do about an hour of these micro naps with me resettling all the time.
Second nap is after lunch - same thing, he can't remain asleep longer than a few minutes but if I resettle he will do about 60-90 mins. Bedtime at 6:30.

At 8 months I'd ditch bottles and try milk in a sippy cup/open cup. They have more control and frankly given how little he takes from a bottle a bit of spillage is the least of your worries.

We are trying a sippy cup ( and mugs) - he's taking little sips but it's not enough to actually feed him.

There is some good information here cowsmilkproteinallergysupport.webs.com/ around going dairy free. You can use oat, almond, coconut milks. my DD is also allergic to soya so we don't use that. You can get prescription dairy free formula, in the UK you need a prescription but im not sure about where you are. There are also some good groups on facebook if you search for them.

It is a total pain to cut it out, when you start checking lables there is dairy in so much. It made a massive difference to DD though (although, I fairly quickly switched to the prescription formula, as it was so difficult to exclude everything from my diet. She soon got used to it when it was all that was in offer)

Hi there, so sorry you are going through this- sounds a lot like my little boy who had silent reflux it turns out. He slept a lot better for naps a bit more upright in his buggy but had to be on the move. We looked into getting a machine thing that rocks your buggy for you but in the end his naps improved. I cant remember who makes it but you would find it online. Maybe abit extreme but your sanity is more important! All the best xxx

Yes it looks a bit of a faff! He has had tummy troubles from the start actually - explosive acid poop, colic, green poop...

Hmmm ... Yes, I'll give it a shot

OK if it was me, I would tweak the nap routine a bit

Instead of putting him to sleep at 8am can you keep him awake with activity time breakfast snack

then outside for a fresh air - into our garden if you have one, or round the block so you can get a morning coffee?

Back home - and if lucky he would fall asleep in buggy park the buggy in the hallway and get yourself food and feed up - do not do chores

Hopefully this first nap will end up being a more substantial one of 90 mins or so fingers crossed taking you until around 1.30/2pm

Then a good lunch of finger foods crackers cheese nibbles in his high chair - in front of cartoons if you need to -

I would then try and get him outside again for a short walk/go to the shops get ourself a treat magazine/cake/ then home again

Dinner for him around 5pm...chopped up banana and crackers at least if e refuses all other food at least you'll know he has at least banana and it's calming properties nutritionally

Bath around 6 let him splash out his energy so maybe he'll have less energy for crying hey?!!?

Changed, dried and cuddles milk bottle he will surely grab it after his bath d you leave it beside him as he should have an appetite for it after all the fresh air and stimulation during the day

quiet story wrapped in blanket 7pm or so - dummy next to him so he can pick it up if he wants

into cot, night night

Now, I know he'll prob scream blue murder but try this and see how
you go

If you keep a consistent predictable daily routine and bed routine he will know what to expect etc and MAY cry less for you

(I've tested the above with all 3 of my kids and it worked a treat but I had to keep it the SAME I'm not a routine person but I HAD to become one)

and you'll need decent coffee and lots of it and sugar and all the things we're told not to eat but sod it - you need energy supplies and patience to get through this stage - it WILL pass, you are doing really well already, you're just exhausted

Also -sorry I post too much! Agree with the posters saying propped up has helped their babies -if need be I used to prop up the cot pillow (safely) with a folded up blanket underneath the pillow and give them the bottle and dummy in the cot

dairy free formula may be an easier option for you - not trying to discourage breastfeeding but when you're starting to feeling shackled after 8months of if then it's possibly the time to let it go and let him learn to feed independently of you - sorry not telling you what to do as its entirely your choice

agree with handsoff - I just bought the gaviscon from chemist when I thought they needed it I didn't ask gp for it

do you have good pharmacists in your country where you can go in and get free professional advice over the counter for free? this may help if GP is being obtuse/not helping

Very few otc medications here (you can't even buy bonjela teething gel!) so the pharmacists are quite limited. I will pick up gaviscon when in in the uk next month.

We have a docs appt at the end of June (nothing sooner, sigh...) so I need to wait for that.

I did keep a set of notes for the doc at his six month check. They just basically ignored me. It's like knocking your head against a wall dealing with the health system here

So you mind saying what country you are in OP? Someone with knowledge of what's available there might have some suggestions?

What about taking him to a GP here? Ask your local medical centre to treat you as a guest. Can you hang on until then? I'm also thinking it's reflux or similar. Poor things.

I'm in Sweden. If I get the dismissive attitude again I'll try to see someone here privately. I'm leaning towards reflux being the culprit.

Where are you OP? I also live abroad and fully understand how hard it is when you have a high needs baby. Are you able to hire help? I have found that hiring help during the day is easier and cheaper. You need sleep.

As for your GP, I would change practice. They sound awful. If you are near a major city outside of the US there is normally an American medical center staffed by doctors who are fluent English speakers and more understanding/ willing to listen.

There will be one in Stockholm I imagine, but probably not here. I'll try to find a private practice near us.
He's now awake again - managed 16 minutes asleep this time. I think it's going to be another long night

DH is Danish so I know what you mean about dismissive attitude. It is horrible. Is your DH Swedish? If so have him come to the doctor with you. Does he have a Swedish colleague who can recommend a better GP?

Dh is Swedish yes. He can't really come along as you get the appt you get and it clashes with something for work ... Just bad timing.
We aren't in Stockholm so this is the closest doc to us (still a car ride away.) I can try to find another one I suppose - we did ask for recommendations but were told they're all much of a muchness! Baby clinic are pretty hands off as well.
Honestly, I'm a scientifically educated, clinically oriented middle class articulate mum. God help those who aren't confident dealing with doctors! Bunch of bloody hippies...

op if he's woken again can you let him cry a little before going to him?
Did he nap much today or eat much? Are you feeling in any way better?

Only because at 8mths, DD 3 used to whimper cry out first and I left her - she could hear noise of the household, TV talking DH & I so she knew we were there I just knew she needed a 'chance' to at least try and settle by herself

dd2 was the difficult baby and I used to rush to her all the time as I just couldn't stand the noise of that cry anymore! But I would have a checklist for DD3 - she's had food, she's had a busy day with plenty of fresh air etc so she MUST be tired - so I felt able to leave her for those minutes

Sure enough after 4 minutes which felt like forever, she would be off to sleep again but I had to let her settle a little too

Is his pillow propped up?

also Tracy Hogg who was famously a therapist called The Baby Whisperer, now sadly passed away, had magical advice on her shows on settling babies with reflux or otherwise - I think YOU TUBE may have some of her to programmes on it just search there - where she dealt with real life situations and looked at baby's whole day in relation to how it affects their night time sleep

I totally get where you are coming from. It isn't you it is them......

Saying that, there is clearly something wrong with your baby. Your DH needs to make himself available to take your baby to the doctor. There is a 'culture gap' and he needs to bridge it.

You have my admiration. I could never live in Denmark. I found the people so rude and insular. What you tell me doesn't surprise me in the least. Also, they do have bonjela, they just call it something else. I get home tomorrow night and will ask DH when I call him tonight what they call it. I had a shit fit one night when I was told that they don't have it in Denmark and told DH to drive to Germany. He came back half an hour later from the pharmacy with a bag full of the stuff.