6.5 month old nightmare bedtime

[twolittleboysonetiredmum]

After some advice as I sit here with a sad baby, again.
She's been in a bedtime 'routine' since she was approx 3 mths at her instigation - dc3 so pretty laid back about it all. The last few weeks she just won't bloody settle. She starts going at 6 for bath etc all good, has bottle, put her down and I stay with her until she's asleep. She just cries no matter what I do. Refuses bottle again, won't have dummy, writhes around when held, until eventually - like an hour later - she falls asleep. What can I do?! It's tedious for me and obviously sad for her!

Sounds over tired. What are her daytime naps and night times like?

They're pretty good really. She sleeps approx every 2 hours for an hour or two. She has one night feed at 2/3ish then up for day at 5:30am (annoyingly). Or is that not enough sleep? Or too much?!

Can you just start bedtime later? 6pm is afternoon to me

What kind of time will her last map of the day be? Sounds like the timings might be off a bit and squeezing in an extra teatime nap might help, pushing bedtime later.

We could do it later but she's normally hysterically tired by 6:30ish - she's not normally asleep until 7:30/45 though because of the crying etc I thought it was the nap thing later on in the day so I've really focused on getting her to have 30 mins at 4/4:30ish but it hasn't made a difference.

It won't immediately. Routine changes need a couple of weeks of consistency to establish and make a difference

Also, why only 30 minutes at 4.30 if all other naps are 60-120 minutes?

I figured if she slept too long then working on the logic of approx a 2 hour gap she'd not be tired at bedtime?
I suppose logically she would then go to bed later. Problem being the two others go at 6:30/7ish and then we'd be out of sync which would be a nightmare. Hmm

And then she'd also always miss dinner which isn't a major deal now but will be once she's eating more

When is dinner? Surely she could nap 4.30-6pm if needed. Eat dinner after 6. Bedtime at 8.30-9pm?

Might stop the 5 am waking also if dinner isn't so early

5:30/6 ish for dinner. Thing is (and I realise this sounds crap) the other two go to bed early ish and if she doesn't then I'll have no evening at all to do anything - jobs/relax blah so I'd rather the early waking than no time. The other two have always gotten up at 6am regardless of bedtime so we're used to that now. Now I'm writing it down im obviously trying to force her into a routine she doesn't want!

You are unnecessarily thinking far too long term here. Baby is 6.5 months so for now might be out of sync with the others. It's not like the need for a teatime nap will last forever.

For now your baby seems to require a decent teatime nap then a later bedtime. But baby's sleep will not be like this forever. It won't be like this for very long comparatively speaking.

Baby will transition to just two naps a day (morning and lunchtime) then again transition to one nap a day. These changes will all alter the basic routine, including bedtime, for the baby.

5:30/6 ish for dinner

You can use the teatime nap to your advantage. Work earlier daytime naps so that the teatime nap starts 4.00pm. That gives you baby's nap time to cook the meal without baby needing your attention. Also to do school reading books and homework with the older ones (not sure of their ages).

Fair point fate, her routine will change.
Others are 4 and 3 so no reading/homework yet!
What age do they normally transition to two bigger naps? I can't remember...

They're all different. You'll be able to tell when the time is right tho.

My youngest has loved her sleep so always been on the high end of the sleep ranges

She was sleeping 2h morning, 2h lunchtime and 1h teatime from 5 months. The process of dropping that teatime nap was gradual with it coming and going until about 9 months old when 9-11 & 1-3 naps establish. She stayed that way until 20 months before establishing a single lunchtime nap.

I'll second those saying a teatime nap. We did the 90 mins sleep programme (so only 90 mins awake time between naps) which meant that sometimes DS was going for a nap at 5.30 and waking up about 6.15. He still went to bed at 7.30 and slept through til 6am from about three months. He's 10 months now and still needs a nap sometimes before dinner, it never seems to affect his night sleeping. But I think bedtime at 9pm is too late for a baby (and you!) so I would stick with what you're doing in terms of bedtime.

Interesting crayfish thanks - I think 9 is far too late for both of us! Failed to get her settled this pm for a nap so she's an exhausted screechy mess right now. I hate it :(

Why is 9pm too late for a baby? They don't have anywhere to be the next day so can nap anytime and wake later.