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Original poster

3 year old wont go to bed arghhhhh

15 replies

EveryCloudhasl · 02/06/2016 21:23

Someone please give me some magic advice to make my evil non-sleeping demon beautiful 3 yr old dd go to bed and stay there!
She used to be unbelievably good at sleeping- like from 8.30pm-8.30am and I couldn't believe how lucky I was. She did this for such a long time and now all has gone downhill. Then the past 3 months have just been awful, first she started waking at night crying for a bottle (she used to only have one to sleep), then she wouldn't go back into her bed and would get in mine. Now she just will not go to bed, we used to do a bedtime story but now she just demands more stories and cries and screams and gets back up. I then stupidly let her take her tablet to bed which does work sometimes but I know it's a terrible way to get a 3 year old to sleep :( Anyway now she just won't even get in bed she demands to sleep on the sofa. When I put her to bed she just gets up endless amounts of times cause she's hungry, needs a wee, wants her other teddy, have I packed her nursery bag yet, I need to brush my teeth again, another story, more bottle, I needed to tell you my friend at nursery ate their carrots etc etc more crap excuses!
This literally goes onto around 10pm after starting bedtime at 7 pm.
I have tried being really firm and just putting her back and not giving in or talking but she resorts to screaming and I mean deafeningly loud until you give in (living in a flat I just can't let her do this). I have tried reward charts but she says she doesn't care. I have tried saying the magic sleeping fairy will bring you a treat if you stay in bed all night and leaving sweets in her pillowcase if she does - this worked for like 2 nights. It's not like she's not tired the other day she woke up and got up for the day at 4.30am and still didn't go to bed till 10pm and she doesn't nap in the day (and it was a busy nursery day).
Sorry I've gone on forever! But basically I'm at the end of my tether, I start a new job next week and am starting an evening course in September and need to get this sorted asap.

OP posts:
jingscrivvens · 03/06/2016 13:32

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, I am going through the same thing just now with DS and it is killing me. He is shattered but still fights sleep and it doesn't matter what I do it doesn't work. It is taking on average 2hrs to get him to sleep (no naps) and then he'll cry to get into our bed 4-6hrs later. And we don't have blackout curtains in our room (DP likes to wake with the sun Confused) so he wakes up early about 4-5am. So not had enough sleep but won't fall asleep, gah!

BitOutOfPractice · 03/06/2016 13:49

You don't interact with her. You just silently put her back to bed. Say "night night" and leave. You keep doing it till she gives up. Rinse and repeat

Original poster
EveryCloudhasl · 03/06/2016 21:14

Thank you both for taking the time to read and respond to my stressed mummy rambling post 😃 maybe I will try to be stricter and just not giving in and putting her back silently. I have tried in the past but admittedly never succeeded past 1 hour of doing so. It just breaks my heart the thought of her going to bed upset with mummy ignoring her..but I guess I am a soft touch which clearly is not working out for us!

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 04/06/2016 06:40

You will both be happier in the long run if she's sleeping properly.

AStreetcarNamedBob · 04/06/2016 06:49

You need to get firm. Very firm. Treat it as a discipline issue. Either she can stay in bed or she can sit on the naughty step. That's her choice. 3 is plenty old enough to understand.

Heratnumber7 · 04/06/2016 06:55

We used a Stargate across the bedroom door. 4 nights of tantrums and hate rattling, and DD falling asleep on the floor did it. DH had to pun me down because it was horrible, but she went to bed beautifully evervsince.

We didn't ignore her - just kept telling her evenings were adjlts' time, and children need sleep to grow, but didn't pick her up, cuddle her or engage in any other way.

She was sick one of the nights - changed and washed her calm!y, and straight back to bed.

MissMargie · 04/06/2016 06:59

Didn't you watch the House of Tiny Tearaways - a TV prog where Dr Tanya Byron helped parents with 'problem' DCs.

You put her back to bed and tuck her in, don't engage.
You put her back to bed and tuck her in, don't engage.
You put her back to bed and tuck her in, don't engage.
You put her back to bed and tuck her in, don't engage.
You put her back to bed and tuck her in, don't engage.
You put her back to bed and tuck her in, don't engage................

I think the record was 39 times for one parent.

The prob is usually fixed by the next or third night.

MissMargie · 04/06/2016 07:02

I see you are in a flat. Warn the neighbours that you are going to do it.

Believeitornot · 04/06/2016 07:13

I think that at this age it really sinks in that you're leaving them and doing something else. So, in her three year immature way, she wants you do stay with her. She might be scared or something but cannot articulate it despite how well she might speak.

I would suggest staying with her to calm her down. Then gradually retreat. It isn't fair on your neighbours for them to hear the screaming!

diten · 06/06/2016 20:18

Remember that it won't last forever - sometimes things change quickly and you don't know why / what was the trigger. Keep your cool! Can be very boring and frustrating establishing a strict routine but staying calm is really important.

BrightandEarly · 06/06/2016 20:25

We are in the same boat with 3yo DD. We have a sleep consultant coming to help us so really hoping that will be useful.

I don't think it's (only) naughtiness, DD genuinely struggles to calm down and stop moving, and says she doesn't want to close her eyes.

Good luck. Happy to report back...

doesntmatterwhoyouare · 06/06/2016 20:35

We have a baby gate on the door and promise to come.back and kiss goodnight (blown from.the doorway) once we've done our jobs. He use to shout loads at bedtimes but has calmed since we introduced the last kiss goodnight and is often asleep before we get back. We tell him to read to his doll while we do our jobs. Also making an effort to get him more exercise so walking a couple if miles Sat and Sun, a mile weekdays.

LoveAGoodToddlerTantrum · 06/06/2016 20:41

I could have written this! Mines asleep on the landing after I refused to read another story and bring more milk! She used to be perfect at bedtime it was the one thing we had sorted! I'll be reading with interest looking for help!

fruitpastille · 07/06/2016 06:10

I'd like to see what Dr Tanya Byron makes if my DD. I've been silently returning her to bed for almost a week now and I'm not seeing any improvement. Easily over 30 times each night! I don't even bother to sit down as she gets up so quick. I'm not engaging, in fact I'm reading mumsnet in my phone as I walk her back...

BrightandEarly · 10/06/2016 19:05

FWIW, we are on night 4 of 'rapid return', and in spite of me being quite sceptical and in spite of a terrible first evening it is now going really well.

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