Are you all going to laugh if I say my impossible to "settle" boy is 6???

LookBackInAnger · 2016-02-26T09:41:41+00:00

Am just realising how ridiculous this is...

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Sirzy · 26/02/2016 09:43

I won't laugh. My 6 year old is a nightmare to settle to

duckyneedsaclean · 26/02/2016 09:43

Oh dear. I won't laugh, but something needs to change.

Hopefully someone with ideas will be along.

Original poster

LookBackInAnger · 26/02/2016 09:49

Really? I realised, just now, that suddenly he's in Yr 1 and I always thought he'd be fine once he got to school, as his brother was.. But here we are in the second year and if anything this year is worse.

Sounds crazy, but if feels as if the more he has to be a big boy at school, the more he's regressing at home. I've just got him off having milk before bed.. Fortunately his teeth are fine (I trust our dentist on this), but now he often says he's hungry just as he's going to sleep.

He is confident, happy, doing well at school, although obviously he still has plenty of less positive moments .

I truly feel that I've left him in baby mode for too long (mostly because after a horrific 5 years with the first, and the early years with DS2, the last 3/4 years have been such a joy.

I've let things go, flow, whatever, but I'm pretty sure we're not doing him any favours at this point.

What's your story Sirzy?

OP posts:

Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 26/02/2016 17:43

We still put our 8 year old to bed .... He reads to us now. Our other DS 6 has autism and needs meds to settle X

chandelierswinging · 26/02/2016 17:54

My 9yo (DC1) still prefers to be cuddled to sleep than left to settle alone I figure he won't want me in his room at all over the next few years though, so it doesn't bother me at all. He sleeps really well after that though, and always has done; he just prefers to have company as he drifts off. DC2 prefers peace, quiet and time alone to snuggle off to sleep... which is ironic given the years and years of night waking!

I find that changes at school do have an impact on behaviour at home, so you're not alone there. DC2 (also Yr1) drives me insane with baby talk at home!! Have been reassured that it's not something that happens in school though thankfully so it's perhaps just done in a time/space where it's safe to regress and feel "babied" (for want of a better word).

Re. The hungry thing: Maybe offer the milk and cereal about 45 mins before bed? It worked well for us and avoided the bedtime avoidance tactic of "I'm hungry"!

Original poster

LookBackInAnger · 27/02/2016 01:40

Thank you both, that is really reaassuring and helpful. We do a lot of reading with him, but to do enough for him to actually be sleepy is too much. It feels as if his brain is too awake these days...there was def a point before school where he was easy to settle, and now he just has so much he remembers/ wants to talk about. Or he just lies there making shadows with his hands or talking about/to his toys. If I can get him to lie still and eyes shut it doesn't take so long.. But I still can't leave him.

If this was all happening at 7pm I'd probably be OK, but DH has taken to extending bedtime til 8 so it's often 8.30. We're eating at 9pm and I'm over it.

Actually, there you are, I need to yell at DH!

OP posts:

chandelierswinging · 27/02/2016 10:29

How about giving him half an hour chill out time, in his room, alone, with a cuddle from you afterwards? That might help with winding down. It could also give you time to eat!!

pieceofpurplesky · 27/02/2016 10:35

People always said to me that DS would sleep when he went to school ... He's 12 now and still doesn't! The difference is now I don't let it stress me. He had the same routine - bath and bed at 8 ish but it can be midnight before he sleeps. He us never tired and sits building Lego, reading or watching historical documentaries ( he's a history geek). He takes after me as u survive in very little sleep too.

pieceofpurplesky · 27/02/2016 10:35

People always said to me that DS would sleep when he went to school ... He's 12 now and still doesn't! The difference is now I don't let it stress me. He had the same routine - bath and bed at 8 ish but it can be midnight before he sleeps. He us never tired and sits building Lego, reading or watching historical documentaries ( he's a history geek). He takes after me as u survive in very little sleep too.

dementedpixie · 27/02/2016 10:37

Why can't you leave him?

pieceofpurplesky · 27/02/2016 10:41

Sorry posted twice too soon. When he was about six I started to leave him for a while whilst I pottered about. Extended it bit by bit. He used to fall asleep happily about 10. It's just got later and later ( only just started with documentaries though).

TheWordOfBagheera · 27/02/2016 10:52

Would he listen to an audio book to fall asleep to (or even music)?

I know another family that have resorted to this for an older child who struggles with falling asleep. Even if he doesn't drift off, you can at least go down and eat while he listens to it!

May09Bump · 27/02/2016 10:57

Would second audio books and supper too.

lborgia · 28/02/2016 11:18

Hello again, thanks for the advice.

I've been doing the potter around and pop in thing, but I'm pretty sure he's staying awake til he can next see me.

Tonight it was just him and I, i starting getting him to bed at 6.55, read one story and said i would only stay if he was going to sleep. He turned over and was asleep by 7.15!

So my observations are - he genuinely feels much more comfortable if I'm there, having 20 mins of (expressive, lively) reading with dh my not be calm enough.

We tried audio books before but he just wanted us back to change it/turn it off /up/down, but it's been a couple of years so I'll try again. Works for ds1.

I think I'll try the chill out time idea, thanks chandelier.

Demented - if I just leave him he comes out. I have followed everything that worked with ds 1,returning him without comment and a quick cuddle. Does not work!

Purple - problem is he really does need alot of sleep, at least 10 hours I'd say. Wakes up naturally at 6/6.30. Whatever time he goes to sleep.

Thanks all!

emwithme · 28/02/2016 11:37

I was one of these children. I still am a bit at 39 I can't settle without noise in the background (I listen to Radio 4 extra these days) and mum (quite reasonably) wanted to do things other than read to me all evening, so from the age of about 6 ish, I listened to audiobooks (or as they were known in the 80s, story tapes!). I had the partwork ones that came with a magazine so you could read along (and turn the page at the "bong" sound) and absolutely loved them. I soon went on to proper classics - Little Women, Tom Brown's Schooldays (I can still remember the feeling of total peace that the first few lines of that give me), Black Beauty, as well as lots and lots of Enid Blyton - to me, Jesu Joy Of Man's Desiring is the "theme music" from Mallory Towers!