Advice please!

[Keo19]

My second DS is 14 months and although not a great sleeper was always easy to resettle but the last month has been horrific. He wakes for anything up to 4 hours and although it's clear he's trying to settle he keeps suddenly throwing himself back like he's startled and screaming. We try everything for teething pain, have burped him, used colic drops and gripe water, nothing works until he's just too exhausted and passes out. We don't pick him up unless distraught or throwing himself around too much in which case we just pick him up and pay him then put back down. His night routine has always been consistent and he has always settled himself at bedtime no problem, and his naps are good too.
We have a 4 year old so can't let this continue as its disturbing him and he's struggling at preschool as a result.
I always thought the milk could be an issue as evening is the only time he actually has any as he's always refused during the day since about 9 months (and was fussy before that since birth) but doc won't listen to anything about intolerances despite a family history as he is not failing to thrive and is quite happy in the day but don't know what to try for this? Or is it just developmental?

*pat, not pay....if only that would work!

Ignore the doc. Ensure ds has proper nutrition from other sources, and cut out the milk. Mine couldn't stomach much cows milk - even formula - until they were nearly 2. Dd and I both avoid milk now, but ds can drink it. try for a week, and see - no nutritional worries if you do it for that short a time, of course.
Doctor may know illnesses; you know your child

it's clear he's trying to settle he keeps suddenly throwing himself back like he's startled and screaming

The back arching and screaming like startled are really common symptoms of over tiredness. Lots of babies do this, one of mine did. It really just means baby is so, so, so desperate to go to sleep but he is unable to. This is further evident from you mentioning he in the end he gets too exhausted and passes out.

So what methods does he have in place to provide the comfort, security and sleep-trigger babies need to go to sleep? Does he have a dummy? A comforter toy/blanket? Does he have something else to suck or snuggle into? Is his comfort trigger effective - is it actually helping him go to sleep?

What are his daytime naps like? This could be the cause of over-tired. My 16 month old still has 2 naps some days (9.30-11am then 1pm-3pm). On the days she has 1 nap, it is around 3 hours in length.

Regarding milk - if you are worried try an elimination diet? As long as you ensure baby is getting the calcium and protein etc from elsewhere, you could try withdrawing diary from him diet to see what happens.

Thanks both for your replies, I think I'll definitely try a week off the dairy and see what happens - he's a big boy so I'm pretty sure he's not going to go hungry!

His naps are usually good and consistent - 9.30-11.30 and again at around 3/3.30 for an hour on the collection run to get DS1 - I take a very long drive around the countryside! He is usually happy when he wakes up too. He has a dummy and does need it to sleep, but it only seems to stop him scream for a few seconds but then suddenly he will start again getting increasingly more frustrated. At night he also has a white noise playing on an app on the tablet so this stays continuous all night. He doesn't have a nightlight but there is a 'glow' from the fish tank in the next room which we use to allow us (and him!) to see the outlines of everything in the dark. He's always been very snotty (as was DS1) so I don't have any comforters or toys in his bed in case any dust might make it worse - he doesn't have anything he's particularly attached to anyway except the dummy. The most prolonged calming effect from anything we give to him to try help has always been Teetha salts or gel, I presume this is the chamomile in them? But unless he can keep that going for the 5 or so minutes needed to drop off again he just wakes in the rage again.

Being permanently snotty is a sign of cows milk intolerance you know. I think maybe dairy elimination is the way to go. Watch for hidden dairy ingredients as well as obvious milk/cheese/yoghurt sources of dairy because for an elimination diet to work, it has to really, really eliminate everything initially.

Thanks, it's been my suspicion but really great to hear it from other people - doctor actually said "some babies are just snotty!" seriously?!!
will definitely give it a try and hope it soothes him! Is there a milk alternative you would recommend in case he won't now settle without an evening feed? There's so much choice I wouldn't know where to start! Thank you 😊