11 week old evening sleep, please advise!

[PopcornFiend]

Hi all

11 week old DD seems to finally have a bit of a daytime routine with 3 naps totalling around 4-4.5 hrs sleep.

A few weeks ago we introduced a bedtime routine of bath, feed and into co-sleeper cot for about 7pm. We've done a bit of pick-up-put-down to get her to settle without having to rock/feed to sleep, this has worked ok and she usually goes to sleep by 7.15. However, she seems to wake every night without fail 40-45 mins after falling asleep, which I think is the end of her sleep cycle? She then is wide awake between about 8-9.30 pm.

We're at a bit of a loss with what to do. For a few weeks we've persevered with keeping her in the bedroom and just going up and down stairs to resettle with dummy, but tonight she would not settle at all so I've brought her downstairs and she's currently wide awake in her swing.

Should I just accept that she doesn't want to go to bed properly until more like 9.30/10pm? Or if we keep the routine going and not taking her out of the bedroom will she naturally "get it" and start sleeping solidly from 7-10pm?

Any advice/experiences appreciated!

It's always worth trying to help into next stage of sleep, by rocking/patting back, sometimes they struggle to go from one stage of sleep to the next. However as none of mine slept for long periods until they were older, hopefully someone with more experience will be here in a minute!!

I wouldn't have an established 'bedtime' until the evening nap extends and so she starts staying asleep.

A 7.30pm-8.30pm (ish) nap sounds perfectly reasonable at this age. Followed by another feed and a bit of awake time, then I'd be aiming to get baby back to sleep within an hour or so of waking. It might be that she has another 'nap' in the evening, before the longer night time stretches.

I generally find naps extend from about 5 months. It is this starting to happen that marks when I would start an earlier bedtime. Rather than forcing it.

She should be asleep in the same room as you for naps and sleeps (SIDS guidelines) so just keep her downstairs with you until you go up to bed yourselves. Does she still fit in Moses basket?

I made bedtime a bit later at 8-8.30 this stopped the waking up before midnight.

If it doesn't work then we sit in the dark with him on our shoulder and put down- takes about 5 mins and he sleeps 10/11hours at night.

I honestly didn't think about that time when he's on his own before I go to bed. I certainly don't want him in a Moses basket in the front room with TV on! What sort of bedtime is that. He's in his cot, same time, sleeps through.

Thanks for the replies.

She has never had a moses basket, sleeps in co-sleeper crib upstairs and has daytime naps in pram/bouncy chair/swing chair.

I do worry she won't get any rest at all if we keep her down with us as she gets so wired looking around, TV on (even with volume low).

Having said that, last night she was downstairs with us and wide awake from 8pm - I then took her up at 10.30, fed and changed nappy, settled her by 11.15. She then slept until 4am. Fed, and straight back to sleep til 8am. So a pretty good night!

Tonight she went to sleep upstairs at 7, woke at 7.40, and we've been up twice to resettle. All seems quiet at the moment.. Fingers crossed. But I appreciate the replies and I don't feel so bad if I need to bring her downstairs now - I just don't want her thinking it's party time!

She's only 11 weeks so you can't get her into bad habits yet. I also don't think you should be leaving her alone upstairs but hey ho.

We kept our daughter downstairs with us until she was 6 months. She used to doze on us or in the prom carry cot until bedtime. The sids guidelines state the the baby should be sleeping in the same room until 6 months but I appreciate that everyone does it differently.

I took it as sleeping in the same room generally.

I didn't sit in the room during naps, I use that time to do housework, shower etc. We put DS to bed at 8 and one of us usually going in around 9/9.30.

Do people just sit and watch their child nap?

When my daughter was a baby I didn't really sit and watch her nap (although I spent a lot of time watching box sets while she slept near me) and I did potter around but she would be asleep in the living room while I was in and out. I wouldn't have put her upstairs in her room and left her for an hour or so to nap. That's how I interpreted the guidelines, but I open,y admit I was really neurotic about sleep and spent far too much time googling about sids and lying awake at night listening to her breathing

We are in a flat so bedroom is across the hall to the living room. DS is in a cot in there and naps in the living room.

I'm trying not to be paranoid as I do all of the prevention and something still can happens

I too sleep with my head at the cot end of the bed to listen to breathing.

I did debate put him in his own room but I don't think my nerves will take it.

I suppose it is quite a different set of circumstances when you are in a flat compared to a house.

The SIDS Guidelines are quite clear that best place for baby to sleep during the first 6 months is the same room as the parents are in. This doesn't separate night time sleep from early evening sleep or daytime sleep - it is all sleep. All baby's sleeps are recommended to be in the same room as the parent.

This is why many parents have baby's daytime and night time the same as their daytime and night time while baby is tiny - say 7am-11am "daytime" and 11pm-7am "night time".

Having said that, when I've got baby asleep in the bouncy chair in the sitting room, it wouldn't be unusual for me to be in the kitchen making a meal, or doing laundry or whatever. I suppose that is not all that different to someone in a flat with baby asleep in a room just across the hallway.

But what I wouldn't do with a tiny baby (like 11 weeks) is have baby upstairs while I am downstairs, even with a monitor or whatever. I might me more inclined to do this around 5 months and certainly 6+ months, but not in the newborn, young baby months. That is just my personal interpretation of risk management though. Everyone's ways of considering the SIDS risk is unique.

I don't feel so bad if I need to bring her downstairs now - I just don't want her thinking it's party time!

You are over thinking it and worrying far too much. This is not a behavioural issue. It is developmental.

Baby is just tiny. Enjoy your time, there are no rods for your own back on this issue. It is a "you cant run before you can walk" issue. You are expecting too much of your baby. Why spend your evenings going in and out settling baby - is it worth it? Do you see value in doing that?

This stage will pass very quickly and then baby will be ready (physically in terms of sleep development, and also safety-wise) for a proper bedtime. It'll come soon and you can't force developmental changes on your child before they are capable. Baby will sleep through from early evening when ready. Your baby is not ready at 11 weeks old, which is the norm really.

Great reply Fatedestiny - explained so much better than I could. OP - chill out and let baby snooze with you in the living room while you still can. Much less stress all round.