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Original poster

Desperately need my evenings back

25 replies

NickyEds · 11/01/2016 21:40

Dd is just about to turn 6 months. She was a good sleeper even when tiny but only from around 10ish (when we went to bed and she had a f feed). At first she would cluster feed (just normal little one stuff) and then she just wouldn't settle anywhere but on me. About a month ago we shifted her ff to 7ish and gave her a "bedtime" to we do bath (with ds too) and she goes into our nice quiet bedroom, has a bottle then goes into her crib. She seems to go to sleep ok but then for the rest of the evening we're up and down the stairs re-settling her. We've been 5 times already tonight. Maybe I'm expecting too much but I desperately need some time in the evenings, I'm at home with a 2 year old ds and dd and dd has started waking in the night and will only re settle in our bed so I literally have no time when dd isn't on me. Any suggestions/advice gladly received.

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HelenF35 · 11/01/2016 21:42

No advice but lots of sympathy. My son is 6 months and slept well till 12 weeks. Since then he's up every 45 mins till 11 then every 2 hours after that on a good night! It's so tiring but it's not forever (or so I keep telling myself!).

Original poster
NickyEds · 11/01/2016 22:07

Thanks! It's a terrifyingly familiar routine, ds slept well until six months and what followed was 4 months of him waking every 90 minutes-2 hours-hell. I'm really hoping she doesn't do thisSad. She just needs constant attention. Even when she's asleep.

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Original poster
NickyEds · 12/01/2016 20:23

Bump. We're on third trip up to re settle alreadySad. This is driving me nuts. AIB totally U to want to eat a sodding meal at 6 months??

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BeautifulLiar · 12/01/2016 20:28

Oh god, my fourth baby is due in 8 weeks and this is the bit I dread the most... I'm a SAHM and live for my evenings! Sorry I'm no help but it will just be a shit phase x

superking · 12/01/2016 20:30

I had similar with my DS at the same age. In the end I decided my evenings were being ruined by going up and down the stairs to resettle him, so I just gave in and let him sleep on me or DH downstairs until we went to bed. Yes it would have been lovely if he just stayed quietly asleep in his cot all evening, but that just wasn't going to happen! I tried again a month or so later and he settled ok in the evenings from then on.

Will she sleep on DH? If not then I can understand how smothering that must feel, but if you just accepted that for the next month you were going to have a sleeping baby on you in the evenings at least you wouldn't have the stress and frustration of constantly interrupted evenings.

Original poster
NickyEds · 12/01/2016 20:46

I'm not ready to admit defeat superking!!! It's just so frustrating. No she won't sleep on dp- not if I'm in the room anyway.

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Thed0gs · 12/01/2016 21:16

Exactly the same here!... My husband works away for 6 weeks at a time so my evening meals are consisting of crumpets/toast at the moment as that's the only thing I can make/ heat/eat in the ten minutes between resettling.

I have admitted defeat tonight however and will be cosleeping as it's just not happening Confused

Original poster
NickyEds · 12/01/2016 21:25

Oh she'll be in our bed by morning. Always is. I can cope with co sleeping, (as opposed to no-sleeping) although dp really struggles with it, it's this up and down all evening that's really getting to me.

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Mrstumbletap · 12/01/2016 21:34

How much daytime sleep is she having? She may be either under or overtired. Can't remember how much sleep a 6 month needs but there should be something on a Google search. I seem to remember DS having a 30 min morning nap, 2 hours at lunchtime, think the afternoon nap was around 4pm for 30 mins.

Is your DD having a lot less or a lot more than that?

Original poster
NickyEds · 12/01/2016 22:02

She has either 2 or three naps a day but it's not great. Generally we go out in the mornings so she might have 45 minutes at around 10 ish (or 2 shorter naps either side of a toddler group) and a longer nap around 2 ish-around 2 hours- but only on me. This is whilst the toddler naps. I've tried very hard to get her to nap in her bouncy chair but she really won't last long if ds is anywhere near. We had some serious problems with over tiredness at around 4 months (think colic-like screamingSad) which stopped when I let her sleep on me during ds's nap.

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superking · 12/01/2016 22:30

Ha I don't blame you for wanting to persevere, good luck.

Touchacat · 13/01/2016 14:09

I have similar issues with my dd who is almost 7mo. I think it's over tiredness. But, I am struggling with her naps which used to be better and are now awful! She will only sleep on me now, the pram or cot just won't do anymore. Unsure whether to let her sleep on me for the sake of a better evening or keep persevering with the cot for naps. Confused
The only thing that helps her settle sometimes is white noise.

Original poster
NickyEds · 13/01/2016 15:32

Do you use a Ewan the Sheep type thing??

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Touchacat · 13/01/2016 16:30

No just a white noise app. We usually use the rainfall one on an app called sleepy sounds but since that is not is working so well anymore we might have to progress onto a different one.

Mrstumbletap · 13/01/2016 21:29

I used a white noise thing like Ewan the sheep and it really helped, as did blackout curtains, and keeping him really warm. Over tiredness is the enemy!

Other thing to check is how many bottles/oz is she having a day? Have you started to wean her, as when they eat more that helps.

BiscuitMillionaire · 13/01/2016 21:36

I would recommend www.babywhispererforums.com/
You're meant to read the book first, but you'll soon get the hang of what they're on about. EASY stands for Eat, Activity, Sleep, You

Very good on how to fix issues with naps and bedtimes etc.

angelicjen · 14/01/2016 02:18

My 5 month old sleeps in a Love to Dream zip up swaddle pod. This stops his arms moving which stops him waking himself up.
Is your daughter a wriggler?

Original poster
NickyEds · 14/01/2016 14:06

Thanks.

I think we'll give some white noise a try. We still have a bloody awful frog music and light show thing left over from when ds was tiny.
Dd has an 8oz bottle at 7-7.30 and we've recently introduced another bottle at 10.30-11 to re settle her after we disturb her going to bed. the rest of the time she's bf to absolutely no schedule or routine whatsoever. We've only started weaning this week so she's still just gumming toast! I've been quite concerned that she isn't getting enough bm during the day as her feeds are very short and fussy but have been assured that she'll take what she needs. I'm not convinced.
Another thing we're considering is.....God I can barely even think it!....getting rid of the dummy. I think she wakes when it falls out and needs us to put it back in to go back to sleep.
Dp thinks she needs to be moved into her a cot in her own room. i have no idea how he thinks that will help!

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Gillian1980 · 14/01/2016 14:45

Your DP may be right - our DD slept a million times better as soon as she went into her own room. Before that every little noise we made caused her to stir and wake.

I hope you find something soon that works for you.

Original poster
NickyEds · 14/01/2016 15:16

Bah! Don't say that Gillian!! DP thinks we should turf ds (just two) out of his cot (where he sleeps brilliantly)into his toddler bed and put dd into the cot. He then thinks we should Get Tough on the girl!

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Touchacat · 14/01/2016 15:18

Moving into own room hasn't made dd worse - better if anything. Could be worth a go.

I had terrible trouble settling her last night as usual - until I put on a light show! Didn't hear a peep for several hours after that. Who knows if I'll get the same result tonight?! Hope the frog thing works for you!

Original poster
NickyEds · 14/01/2016 19:59

Well she's in bed asleep with the bloody frog thing on.........

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Original poster
NickyEds · 14/01/2016 20:09

18 sodding minutes! Just until my tea was on the table. Grrr

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fluffikins · 14/01/2016 21:38

I read loads and loads about this and got myself in a right state about naps because people said over tiredness was the key. Turns out she needs to be absolutely knackered and she goes down a lot better and is more likely to stay down, so play around with naps, it might not be over tiredness.

Have you checked general comfort? i.e. warm enough? not too warm? nothing in the house disturbing like the dishwasher?

NeverNic · 14/01/2016 21:53

Instead of jumping to resettle her, could you maybe hover at the door and see what she does.? I don't mean letting her cry, but I found by going in to resettle I often woke my son up properly whereas if I let him moan a little in his sleep, he would wriggle and go back to sleep fairly easily. Also if she's used to sleeping with you she might just be missing you. Sometimes I would sit in the room, pat his back or stroke his head but not pick up or make eye contact. I would be there to reassure but not overly stimulate. Channel 4 did a sleep program a while back and they used to use a retreat method for so many of their cases

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