Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

Controlled comforting

22 replies

PebbleTTC · 10/01/2016 08:56

Hi, sorry if this is a stupid question but how do you settle your baby with the controlled crying / comforting?

We are trying to teach baby to settle himself but he just gets hysterical, we try rubbing, shushing, picking up but nothing but me putting him on the boob settles him. I'm so tired, last night this happened at least 8 times during the night so after the 5 th time I just brought him in to bed with me. I have a sleep consultant booked but that's two weeks away and I need help now!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dementedpixie · 10/01/2016 10:16

What age is he?

caravanista · 10/01/2016 10:17

Do what works! Feed him, take him to bed with you, don't fight it.

museumum · 10/01/2016 10:18

I did the Elizabeth pantley method which involved putting ds back on the boob but taking him off before he fell asleep in the boob. Then taking him off earlier and earlier each time.

Original poster

PebbleTTC · 10/01/2016 10:26

Thanks museumum I'll look her up and try that!

OP posts:

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 10/01/2016 10:28

It doesn't sound like he's quite ready for that! How old is he?

Original poster

PebbleTTC · 10/01/2016 10:34

He is 5.5 months. I don't want to be bringing him in to bed with me as I don't sleep when he is next to me

OP posts:

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 10/01/2016 10:36

He's a bit young to be honest. Give it a month or two.

helloelo · 10/01/2016 10:37

It's not controlled comforting, it's controlled crying, designed to trained your child not to call out for you if he/she wakes up.
Pantley is fantastic but VERY anti controlled crying, referencing to studies proving it raises cortisol (stress) levels and affects neuronal development.
How old is you child?

helloelo · 10/01/2016 10:40

Sorry x post
5,5mo is way too young for control crying. People start the Gordon method closer to 1yo for instance as recommended by the method itself. Most babies need a feed during the night at that point anyway. Pantley says you can consider it by 9mo.

helloelo · 10/01/2016 10:42

You can try a mattress on the floor next to you
Or just to adjust you expectations, check out the ISIS website for evidence based sleep information here

Original poster

PebbleTTC · 10/01/2016 11:26

I'm not saying he doesn't need a feed during the night but waking so many times during the night isn't good for him or me me me. I don't let him cry alone I'm in the room the whole time but I don't feel putting him on boob just to go to sleep is the right thing to do.

My original question is how do you settle your baby

OP posts:

nephrofox · 10/01/2016 11:29

Ignoring the whole CC debate, I will answer the question ...

I settle the baby in any of the following ways depending on time and situation :

Urpght cuddle on my chest, ear to my heart beat
Sat in rocking chair with dummy
She likes to rub a muslin over her face, allowing her something cosy against her face definitely helps
Ewan the sheep

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 10/01/2016 11:31

There are a few ways, feeding is the obvious one, can you say why you don't want to do that?
Otherwise a dummy or bottle may work
A cuddle wrapped in a blanket
A rocking crib or chair
Bouncy chair
Pram
If you have a baby that won't go to sleep from being put down awake yet then no amount of controlled anything will make hi be ready. Be patient, it will come. Probably not very long either.

hownottofuckup · 10/01/2016 11:33

I put mine on the boob at that age, 5.5 months is still so little.

UnplainJane · 10/01/2016 11:44

As an aside, waking up so many times isn't good for you but is actually completely normal for him so won't be to his detriment. In this instance, just do what is necessary to maximise YOUR sleep.

Plateofcrumbs · 10/01/2016 14:55

For what it's worth we had the '4 month' sleep regression around 5-6 months and it was the absolute pits, but we rode it out and things improved not too long after that. We did a bit of 'pick up put down' between 6 and 7 months as I was rocking him to sleep / bouncing round the room for hours and it was exhausting and knackering my knees. We didn't do controlled crying until 16 months ( and then it was because he was evidently getting distracted from sleep by me being in the room ).

Original poster

PebbleTTC · 10/01/2016 19:53

Lots of times He falls asleep himself at bedtime so I think he is able to do it.

I just don't want him to be waking up every hour as he gets upset as he is tired and I don't think having a boob to sleep is a good idea as it means it's only me who is able to settle him. I don't mind him having a different comfort to sleep that's why I was asking what do you do to settle your baby

OP posts:

CallMeACynicBut · 10/01/2016 20:10

Don't think anyone has refused to tell you what they do - it's just that they're not saying what you wanted them to say.

What worked for us at that age: a sidecar cot (3 sides, the fourth open and attached alongside our bed), so he had his own space but was easy to get at for breastfeeding without really waking up. DH would sleep through all night, then take the baby and get up around 6am so I could get another hour or two of uninterrupted sleep - lifesaver.

It's really important to distinguish between baby having a sleep problem, and you having a sleep problem. If the baby is fine but you have a problem, that's good, because you have lots more things you can try!

Original poster

PebbleTTC · 10/01/2016 20:50

CallMeACynicBut I was replying toObsidianBlackbirdMcNight when she asked why not put him on the boob, that is why I mentioned it again

OP posts:

GeoffreysGoat · 10/01/2016 20:53

Honestly? I feed my baby. Sucking comforts them, and milk contains melatonin which is the hormone that tells your brain whether it's day or night.

Anything else results in screaming baby and sobbing mummy in this house, while poor dh looks on helplessly or futilely paces with said upset child.

Make sure you both get fresh air every day, implement a bedtime schedule - feed, bath, pyjamas, feed in darkened bedroom, down in cot for however long (this gets easier once they establish 3 meals a say) - and make sure he gets enough sleep during the day as over tiredness in some babies like 3yo ds1 manifests as bouncing around manically getting more and more emotional and stroppy

KP86 · 10/01/2016 21:02

We went to sleep school (in Australia), it is called Masada. Try googling, there are blogs which describe the method. It is essentially a shhh, pat method of controlled comforting. We went when DS was 4.5 months and it made a HUGE positive difference to our lives.

It works, and I am offended by the posters who say it's training baby not to call out when they need you. Waking several times per night is not a need, it's a habit! Babies eventually need to learn how to self-settle and link sleeps if there's nothing wrong, and also know that Mum or Dad will come if there is a genuine problem.

Our son is now almost 2 and a very good sleeper. We went from a total nightmare to brilliant in the five days.

Do what you need to do until sleep consultant arrives. Then stick with it, even if very difficult for a few weeks. It's worthwhile.

NerrSnerr · 10/01/2016 21:33

5.5 months is tiny, he wants the comfort from you. Mine was the same at that age and it does get better.

Flip