controlled crying advice

[Chuf]

Hi we have used controlled crying for my son for 2 mths (he is 14mths). It was really bad at first with crying for half an hour sometimes. Before that we had just rocked him off with bottle and then dummy. However he had started to resist going off in my arms and wriggling/fighting. He didn't do this for my partner or our nanny. I have been v sick since just after my son was born and for months I could barely lift him let alone care for him so that's why we had to get a nanny. So I have always been v sensitive regarding any problems with his care particularly when I am the one with the issue. Anyway with cc now he usually still cries for a minute or two sometimes longer-I just wanted to know if this is normal? And is this as good as it gets with cc? Also when we leave the room he sometimes looks so fearful and crying ++ so this pulls so much at my heart -is this normal? Naps are the hardest and sometimes he cries for much longer still. He has had teething, and croup since we started so this has not helped. How are u supposed to get them to sleep when they are sick if you use cc? My partner ends up staying all night with him (I take meds that make me v drowsy at night). He is such a lively baby that it's so hard to do any routine, he won't sit still for a book, I do singing to him and he keeps pointing at me to continue singing but when I stop its actually harder to get him down than without the singing as now he is angry I have stopped. Any good routine ideas for lovely older babies that haven't really had a routine up until now? I know we should have been on top of things more but I have just been so sick we just survive each day! I feel so guilty about so much so I just need to feel ok about continuing with this and that I am not causing him harm. If not any alternatives to this cc approach that you could instigate with a 14 month old? Thanks in advance for your support xx

Is it any easier for your partner to bear? Could he put him down to bed every night?
Guilt is awful, the enemy of good parenting.
You sound thoughtful and kind and you are doing the best you can with what you've got. Your baby sounds gorgeous by the way. I think you are doing great!

I am a bit confused.

You seem to be saying that you are still doing cc every night. What do you mean by that.

If I have understood you correctly and your baby cries for 1-2 minutes when put to bed, yes, lots do that at that age. I wouldn't call that cc. At under 2 minutes I'd call it a little wind down or protest at being put to bed.

Thanks quickly decides that's very nice of you. My partner often puts him down as I find it too hard. I think because I was not there for him when he was little guilt affects me a lot. And I still haven't worked out the best way to cope with it as we spend our whole lives trying to help me get better and cope with daily life xxx

Thanks you still look, I guess mostly we don't use cc as he does not cry for 2 mins (this is our current limit as before my hv friend said every 5 mins and now I can't cope with waiting that long). I guess it's just that sometimes I feel cc has 'worked' and he only cries for a short time, but other times he cries for longer and I feel it's failed. I just feel like things should be 'sorted' by now. I know between us we are not as consistent as we should be -my partner believes more in responding to his needs (eg going in if dropped dummy, or standing up crying) rather than using a set time etc to go in -maybe he is right or it's what's messing things up! We have to get rid of the dummy at some point -he only uses for sleep but I know it needs to go however I am reticent as I feel things would be worse without it xxx

Ps you still thanks for your reassurance also xxx