Drowsy but awake?

[Amybird100]

My baby is 14 weeks and I'm trying to get a bedtime routine and for him to fall asleep on his own. He is waking every couple of hours at night so I'm hoping if I do this he will sleep longer. I am also not feeding him every time he wakes but making him go 4 hours (he does this during the day) to see if this will help.

Drowsy but awake is great written down but the reality is very different! As soon as he goes in his crib his eyes are wide open and he starts to cry. I've read different things but mostly that you don't pick them up again, just pat and shhh them. Well, this just doesn't work! He screams and screams no matter how much I ssshhh.
Just wanted to know others experience with it. Did you let them cry or pick them up?

It never worked for me - we rocked DS to sleep with a dummy until he became more alert and wouldn't stand for that anymore at around your baby's age. We then just put him down wide awake after the routine - he would cry for a few minutes and then we'd go back, offer a dummy and a bum rub but not get him up and then he'd go to sleep.

A baby who is happy to be put down drowsy but awake seems to be very, very rare. I wouldn't leave a baby under 6 months to cry at all - The No Cry Sleep solution has some great ideas on improving sleep without distress and why it's normal for babies to behave just as you describe.

Oh seriously don't worry - mines 6 months and has never gone down awake. This is a slightly ott article but it explains that self settling is a developmental skill, like rolling or walking and they will get eventually but don't stress or try to force

sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/06/30/self-settling-what-really-happens-when-you-teach-a-baby-to-self-soothe-to-sleep/

I don't really believe in self settling either.

It can work but I think the reality is most need a replacement comfort like a dummy, thumb, comfort blanket. Also lots of sitting by the cot holding their hand and stroking their face.

I have managed to do it with both of mine but it was a gradual process. It hasn't stopped ds2 waking several times in the night either.

I do think it's worth it in the long run as in the end most won't stand for being rocked to sleep.

It's never as simple as just popping the baby in the cot.

It's never worked for me either

DS2 self settled from 4 months. He did cry/moan, but it wasn't crying - I read about it and recognised it as being a mantra cry from videos on youtube. He doesn't do it anymore, turns his head into his muslin and gets himself to sleep with a few moans. So it can be done and isn't a myth.

I would never leave him screaming his head off. DS1 had to be rocked to sleep till 10 months when we then did CC. The way we approached their sleep has been chalk and cheese for the both of them, DS2 has never been rocked/bounced to sleep. I put him next to me whilst I lay down next to him at my parents for a week and he fell asleep and then when I got home I left him in the cot drowsy and he went to sleep. I would check on him repeatedly if he was taking a while to get to sleep.

The other thing which really helped for me is knowing when to put him down, he's now 6 months and after he's been awake for between 2.5-3.5 hours I watch his cues and put him down in good time. If it's too early he lets me know and if it's too late he has to have white noise to help him get to sleep.

Honestly? I've never left mine to cry. I don't think they like it, and I certainly don't like it, and it sounds like a whole lot more hassle to me to try and fight their natural demands and instincts than to just go with the flow, feed them and hold them when they ask you to, and stop trying so hard.

It is very rare IMO that the sleep/ease of maintenance you gain from this routine business outweighs the worry and hassle you have to go through to get there. Often people don't succeed with it and it just upsets your baby for no good reason.

So try just responding to him, it really can be a very good method of having a happy child who doesn't cry much. Giving them what they want, basically, for a quiet life

and no - it doesn't t urn them into monsters later. That's a HUGEEE myth.

Hmm it's not quite like that.

Our routine consists of a bath, feed and cuddles. I still do it with my 7 year old only swapped the feed for teeth brushed and water.

I think it's nice for them to go to bed all clean and relaxed.

Ds2 has napped in my bed until recently with me as that's the only place he'd settle, I've had to get him to nap in his cot in the end as it was too risky he's nearly crawling.

My first slept pretty painlessly, my second has struggled to sleep whatever I've done.

DS2 doesn't cry much at all. Responding rob their needs stuff by holding them and feeding them is a given whether they sleep or not. Just because he self settles doesn't mean I don't respond to his needs.

If I tried to hold him / rock him to sleep he would go mental and then wouldn't go to sleep.

I do think it's linked to their personalities as DS2 seems far more chilled.