Sleepless of Mumsnet - join us if your LO consistently laughs in the face of sleep!

[Purpleboa]

Hi everyone. I thought I'd create this thread when I saw that there were quite a few of us lingering on the 4 month regression thread, with babies that clearly didn't get the memo about things getting better!

I've seen another thread for parents whose children are long term poor sleepers but I think it's been relegated to zombie status. So I hope nobody minds if I start another one! If your LO consistently struggles to sleep, whether it's down to diet, night terrors or just sheer bloody mindedness, please pull up an armchair and join in! I'll supply the espressos, hugs and chocolate, wine and tears served after 4pm.

I'll start: my DD is 25 weeks. She's gorgeous, adorable and the absolute light of my life. Unless it's between the hours of 7pm and 7am! She's struggled with sleep always. I thought things would improve following the 'fourth trimester' but she got a cold, reacted badly to her jabs...and before I knew it we'd cruised into the 4 month regression. Which she's either still in, or she's teething, or developing, or wonder weeking, or fck knows really!

The past two weeks have been particularly painful and I feel I'm reaching the limits of my endurance. I love being her mum, I love spending time with her...but not sleeping makes it oh so very hard.

I have found Mumsnet to be a wonderful source of support during those dark and lonely hours when you feel like you're the only person in the world going through this. So I wanted to give back and support others too.

I'll put the kettle on...

Anyone around for handholding tonight? DD has been fussy all day then inconsolable this evening. Dosed her up with calpol as think she's suffering for something but she's already on her second waking! Argh. I don't think we'll be sleeping tonight.

Oh purple so sorry! Will she sleep in any position? Eg in bed with you?

She probably would but I'm just so fed up of her sleeping on me! I cannot understand why she's rejecting her cot! I do sometimes sleep with her on me but it's not ideal and v uncomfortable.

I've given up and bought her downstairs. Lights on. I just don't have the energy to keep getting her to sleep.

Hmmm. Do you think she's not comfortable in the cot? I've been putting dd down on her side or stomach the last few nights. I know it's not recommended but in the whole her sleep is much better

Anyone about ? I'm still trying to get my 7 week old back to sleep following his first wake up at midnight. He's tired, I'm tired but totally failing to do a transfer.

He seems permanently pissed off. None of this calm but awake shit that self settler advocates speak of.

Losing the will to live

Hinkyhonk - I'm here. I've been trying to get my 14 week old baby back to sleep sbce 2am...

She woke up at 2am for a feed and I realised she was using me as a dummy still at 3am so moved her into the Moses and I'm rocking her. She isn't having it though...

Novia Hope you got some sleep in the end. For what it's worth both of mine hated their Moses baskets. Many a miserable night was spent rocking that thing. Dd slept much better in her cot in a sleepyhead slightly warmed with a hot water bottle before transferring her

DS is 20 weeks and since the weekend has regressed to how he was when first born! Hates being put in his cot at night, keeps waking himself up from daytime naps too early, and generally is a rather angry crying little man. His two bottom teeth have just come through but they've cut through now. Argh. Feel really stressed about it all as have no 'new mummy' hormones anymore to get me through!!

Hi everyone. I've been awake all night! DD in with me again but even when she sleeps I can't. Way too wound up! Arrrghhhh!!! I fucking hate this, it's hell!! How much can one person be expected to put up with???

I love my DD bur if I'd known it was going to be like this, I wouldn't have got pregnant. I was prepared for some sleepless nights. I was not prepared for every fucking night!

purple it will get better I promise. Some of us go on to have another after the first and sometimes even a third (currently up with ds3 and mine weren't good sleepers).

Have you thought about some sleep training? Not sure if you are up for it and what age it can be done but worth a thought. If finances allow I understand sleep consultants can help for about £200 in London. Sleep is so vital and precious might be worth it?

purple . That sounds like a bloody awful night. How old is your dd now? How are solids and bottle going? I have no regrets about our recent sleep training with dd. It's by no means perfect but so much better and there has been the odd night of sleeping through. My dd is one now though and eating lots so I was confident she could go all night. I did it earlier with ds as he would take a big bottle of formula and ate loads by 7.5 months.
As pp said is a sleep consultant possible? If not can you look at the options for sleep training- gradual retreat, pupd, cc and see what feels best? I know you tried cc one evening but it's really something you need to plan if you want to do it and dh needs to be home for the week. It worked within a week with our dd even though we pulled back for a few days while she was poorly.

Have you experimented with sleep positions purple? My dd is so much easier to settle on her side I was amazed.

She was up every hour last night though. Think weaning is taking its toll as she didn't want feeding or holding and the only thing that helped was rubbing her back

Thanks all.

Weaning is a disaster, really. She won't take anything, spoon fed or finger food. Sometimes she'll take a bit of porridge but nothing else. I hate doing it. Especially when every other baby I hear of is practically chowing down on 3 course meals now! Just another way I'm a shit mum. And she's not taking a bottle. It's just a mess.

Tried her on her side but she just cries and flounders about.

I know we need to do sleep training. I don't think there's any other way around it. But I'm dreading it. She is scarily strong willed. I don't think there's any way she will settle after 10 minutes of crying! Have also looked into sleep consultants. But they cost so much and I'd be worried that it would be a,waste of money and we'd still be at square one!

Sorry to be so negative everyone. I'm just finding it really hard to see the light in anything right now. There will be people reading this who might think ' Well you shouldn't have become a mum' and they'd be right. I'm rubbish at being a mum and I wonder if my dd would be better off without me. I'm just getting so angry and stressed and that isn't good for her. I miss the old me. She was fun.

purple you are not rubbish and nobody reading this would think that at all. Sleep deprivation is torture. Actual torture. And you sound like an amazing mum meeting her baby''s needs- so you can stop saying you shouldn't be a mum because you are doing an awesome job. See your health visitor about weaning- honestly with some babies it just clicks a bit later than others. And ask them their view on how to sleep train. I'm not sure what's best whilst your baby may still need feeds at night but they should be able to advise. Is your dh on board to help? What if you said you'll feed her at midnight and 4am but at all other times he settles her? Or you and dd have the double bed and get some sleep together.
One way or another this will pass but it doesn't make it any less hard at the moment.

Purple nobody thinks that. It's quite clear you're a fantastic mum you're doing so much for your dd. People will only be wishing that there was something they could do to help.

Ds wouldn't eat at first either, somehow dh managed to get him to eat. He kind of persuaded ds to lick a bit off the back of a spoon, ds just wouldn't take anything of me. It's so frustrating, I'd made all this homemade mush and he wouldn't touch it.

My dd is 7 months this week purple and she's not eaten more than a 3mm square piece of carrot and I think that was by mistake. We're doing baby led weaning but seriously she's barely even bringing things to her mouth so ignore other people about the 3 meals a day stuff!

Oh and mine refuses the bottle too

It can be a vicious circle with night feeds, my ds was filling up at night and not eating during the day.

I think in your shoes purple I'd either go two ways, I'd either do as bugaboom says and take the double bed with dd and just co sleep, you could probably doze while she feeds, there's nothing wrong with that, or I'd sleep train and possibly follow some kind of feeding and sleep schedule.

There's no way she'll settle in 10-20 minutes with cc the first night but I think the Idea is you go in after 2 minutes, then 4 minutes etc to let her know you're there. They do settle eventually I've never known anyone to say it doesn't work, but it's one of those things that takes a week of hell. She'd probably end up finding her thumb.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/sleep-problems-in-children.aspx

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/getting-baby-to-sleep.aspx

This is some NHS stuff on sleeping, the top one mentions sleep clinic if you've already tried lots of things.

Hi purple we ve all been there I promise

I'm putting dd down on her tummy. It seems to suit her more. I know it's not recommended but maybe you could try?

Re weaning, some babies take to it better than others. A few tricks that might help - distract with a new toy, when she opens her mouth to chew toy shove in a bit of purée. Once she tries she may like. How thick are the purees you're trying? For the first couple of weeks I gave ones which were very very smooth and runny, kind of a soup consistency. Don't know if you've tried any ready made Ella's kitchen type purees but my ds loved those and the ones suitable from 4 months could give you an idea of how runny babies like them

Once she starts taking something from s spoon then you can thicken the consistency and introduce some texture. Oh and it may seem nothing's going down but I find dd can seem to swallow some and spit some out at the same time if that makes sense

Oh and hi garlick. Looks like you've hit the 4 month sleep regression. For most people that passes fairly quickly although not on this thread

purple and ditto what the others say you are in no way a crap mum, you wouldn't be on this forum looking for answers if you were. It's the hardest job in the world and no one tells you about self settling, wonder weeks, regressions etc which come as a total shock to the system.

The only advice I have for you is to do what you feel is right for you.... cc, riding it out, consultant. It will definitely get easier one day and you will return to feeling like you.

I really feel for you and wish I could help. Wouldn't it be great if we all.lived in the same town - we could meet for coffee and have a good old moan about our babies!!! Xx

If it helps purple I've chucked Dh out to another room and I co-sleep with dd on our double.'she starts off in her crib but comes in with me anytime from 10 onwards. It doesn't stop the waking but it seems easier and I get more sleep. I've taken to wearing onesies so the duvet isn't a risk

We've also coslept for the past two nights after a really good spell of sleeping ds was doing his trick of waking, going back to sleep for 5 minutes then waking again, after an hour of that I just bring him into bed.

The thing is he can self settle just fine so I can only assume he's a bit cold, lonely or it's his teeth.