Napping - again!!

[Sparrowlegs248]

Ds is 3.5months. To start with rarely slept in the day yet didn't seem to mind or become overtired. I have worked on his napping and pleased to say he nap several times a day for between 20minutes and 1.5hours. But ALWAYS either on me after a feed, in the car, pram, sling. So always when i am doing something to help him. If i put him down he wakes. If i stop bouncing/pushing/driving he wakes. Saw someone yesterday with baby of similar age, he nodded off on her and she took him and put him in the cot. He slept. For 2 hours. Then she said 'wellyou
just have to leave them to cry don't you? Id never get anything done' I said i don't pick him up at the slightest grizzle anymore but don't leave him to cry as i didn't think it would help him sleep. I had had a bath a he ended up screaming his little head off, she said 'Oh yes but they wear themselves out eventually'

Now I'm wondering, am i creating a sleep problem? Really don't want to leave him screaming. But would like to be able to put him down for a nap.

We don't have a routine as get up any time between 6 + 9 but i encourage a nap when he's ready - currently in bounce chair once he'd been up 1.5hrs. I have to keep bouncing though. He half cried/grizzled for about 5minutes of bouncing.

I think leaving a baby that young to cry until they're worn out and fall asleep is shocking. Keep doing what you're doing. Eventually he'll learn to sleep without motion.

Not very clear questions there...

Am i creating a problem by not leaving him to cry?
Should i have a routine?
How long of grizzling/crying (not full on) is ok to leave?
What book can i buy to answer all my questions!!??

Thanks Mrs I was pretty shocked tbh but she seemed so confident and I question myself constantly.

I found that at a round 5 months, naps started to lengthen out naturally. My DS is 12 weeks and has most naps in the sling (I might get one 45 min nap out of him in the crib and his first nap in the pram if I am very lucky). But I have 2yo twins so don't have time to take him into a dark room and work on napping and I'm not prepared to leave a baby to cry - and he gets so upset he can't catch his breathe if left.

Meant to add, what j do is try a couple of times a week to see if he will nap in the cot but if he can't then no big deal, I pop him back in the sling. Useful to try but nothing to get too upset about. Another 6 weeks will make a massive difference to his development.

I think babies vary massively, DD1 had to be held or in a pushchair to nap till she was almost 2 (though slept well at night) and DD2 has merrily slept 2 hours+ in a cot since she was a newborn. She is pants at night though! And won't sleep in a pushchair or car, what's that about!?

Babies are all different so your friend's attitude isn't very helpful.

My rule with grizzling /crying is… if there is a bit of grizzling and it is decreasing in volume, I leave her to see if she'll settle… if it's escalating I don't.

But I know my baby always grizzles a bit before getting to sleep. My other one didn't. Babies vary.

Routines appeared at around 6 months for first baby and around 4 weeks for second (because there was already a toddler routine to fit around!)

What everyone else says!

No you aren't creating a problem.
3.5 months is too young for an established routine although sounds like you already have a loose routine which is good.
Leaving to grizzle - not a one size fits all answer to this! Depends on the baby and what you feel comfortable doing.
Books - depends what your philosophy is on parenting. I am a bit geeky in that I need to understand the science behind sleep in order to understand my dcs sleep behaviour and patterns. The Ferber book is good for that (don't listen to any rubbish about him being the cio king - he doesn't advocate the extinction method, Weissbluth does though). I don't agree with Ferber's average sleep requirements for each age though. I think he is on the low side. If you feel like you need more info on baby sleep I would suggest reading a few books by different authors to help you decide how you want to approach helping dc sleep independently. Ferber, Weissbluth, Pantley, are all good places to start. There is also one called bed timing which is about the best ages to work on sleep. Haven't read it but looks interesting.

Oh and don't feel like your dc is the only one in the world that requires a lot of help to sleep. There are loads of us out there! It gets better.

I wouldn't leave my babies to cry either. TBH I think the best thing to do is go with the flow at this age don't make sleep an issue or a battle and remember that it all changes so quickly. Invariably you'll get into a good routine in a couple of months and just when you're beginning to relax teething or something else crops up.

You are stressing too much about sleep Nottalotta. Worrying about The Rod For Your Back is likely yo be the think that ends up creates The Rod.

Your baby is only just out of newborn stage. So much will change over the coming 9 months. You worry about what his sleep used to be like, then it changed. You worry about how he sleeps now. Give it a couple of months and it will change again so you will wonder why you wasted your time stressing about it.

All babies need help to sleep. They all do. Some examples:

• dummy to suck
• Movement (bounce/rock/car/pushchair/sling walk)
• Feed to sleep
• Comfort breastfeed to sleep
• Full tummy
• Presence of parent
• Comforter toy

Some babies sleep more easily and more deeply than others. The jury is out on if this is due to nature or nurture.

Time will come when your baby doesn't need movement to sleep. For now he does. in a couple of months he may not. It is fine to work towards your sleep aim for him, without him being there straight away.

A reasonable time frame would be by 5 or 6 months old you could make small gradual changes so that he needs less bouncing/movement. Just make little tiny changes with a view to it taking several months to get there. Loads will have changed in the coming 3 months anyway, so you don't need to worry.

My DD is nearly 9 months and up until 2 months ago she refused to sleep anywhere but on me. I just kept putting her down in the cot when she was asleep until one day she stayed asleep and will now happily go down in her cot for 2 naps a day. I would enjoy the cuddles just now. 3.5 months is still very young. It'll click eventually.

Thanks everyone. I guess I am worried about getting it wrong. Even well meaning comments make me doubt what I'm doing. Then again everyone, everyone i meet or know comments on how cheerful he is so its good to know we are getting something right. I am pleased with how his sleep has progressed especially his naps.

I like the suggestion of trying the cot a couple of times a week, I will start doing that i think.

Thanks for keeping commenting FATE - you must thing 'here she goes again'

I am thinking about when i go back to work too i guess. Don't suppose nursery will carry him for his nap! Or the GP's!

They are little bastards, and even though they have to be rocked to sleep for half an hour with you, they will sleep on a mat on the floor for nursery if they just say "nap time". Nursery staff are all witches.

Also when they drop their nap when they're 2 or whatever, and have screaming fits at you because they're so tired but they refuse to nap, they continue napping for nursery with a cheery smile.

Traitorous little sods.

Already something has changed. Took him upstairs last night. Awake, not wide awake but very definitely awake. Put on bed (next to dh) went to bathroom
came back, he was asleep!! Always feeds to sleep if awake when i put him down. It did mean he woke st 1.30 and 3.30 to feed but that's to be expected. (rather than just 3.30)

My ds was exactly the same and whilst I wasn't working and only had him I didn't mind I just let him sleep on me or enjoyed the exercise! He was always fine about his cot at bed time just not naps. Around 6/7 months we worked on him sleeping not on us- started of lying next to him on our bed/sofa then in his cot still semi cuddling to sleep. We did a bit of controlled crying as was waking a lot in night for no reason and followed this up at nap times. The real motivation was he was going to childminders and I was going back to work so needed him to nap for them.

You definitely don't have to let them cry for some babies (like my ds) they cry/grizzle a little bit then fall asleep. Your not doing anything wrong just responding to and loving your baby!