How to settle baby when she's not fully waking?

[weeblueberry]

7mo is waking once at 10.30pm and once at about 4am after being put down at 7pm. We're not looking to sleep train (as mentioned in my previous thread) but obviously in an ideal world we would try and stop the 4am wake/breastfeed. She's 'waking' from a combination of crawling in her sleep and bumping her head but also just habit I think. The issue is that she's not fully waking, so the hush/pat method and no cry sleep solution aren't cutting it. I don't want to do sleep training either but I don't think it would work anyway as she's not waking so can't self settle (I don't think?).

I know I can fully wake her and then resettle but that involves at least twenty minutes of her screaming blind in my arms while I try and get her awake properly. Thus waking everyone in the house.

I've also just been reading this article: www.thesleepstore.com.au/sleep-information/infant-sleep/gentle-infant-sleep-information/gently-encourage-your-baby-to-self-settle

It suggests to put your baby down awake so they can learn to self settle and that if they do that they're more likely to be able to self settle in the night. But if I give my DD her feed in the evening she's going to fall asleep on the boob. Should I then be fully waking her again to get her to sleep?

I feed 9-month-old DD to sleep, we have had a couple of months where only that will get her back to sleep (previously a cuddle from DH also worked). However over the last fortnight she has begun self-settling without any intervention from us. I will hear her cry on the monitor and by the time I have got up to check her she is asleep again, usually in a different position to how I last saw her. It is less successful when DH is at home as he tends to rush in and disturb her more.

We co-sleep so when feeding her back to sleep she is often still mostly sleeping so I just lay down next to her and she latches on and rolls away when she is done.

Do you think she's not fully waking then?

Sadly my partner has sleep apnoea so cosleeping isn't an option.

yes, she usually seems to still be asleep. I think if you don't want to do sleep training (i didn't as it seems so sad and pointless to just leave her cry when a cuddle or feed will have her fully asleep again in minutes) then they do develop the ability to self settle in their own time. Key for us is not rushing in to intervene and keeping everything quiet, dark and calm if we do go in. If she wakes fully she usually decides it's time for a party and us up for an hour.

DH has night terrors and shouts in his sleep so he sleeps separately. Has done for years as we just didn't get any sleep otherwise.

Try reading The Gentle Sleep Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. I haven't read it all but it really helped when I was feeling useless at around 6 months when she started waking through the night again after two months of sleeping through.

Thank you - I'll pick up the suggested book. I'll also reread the No Cry Sleep Solution. I bought it last time to help my older daughter go to sleep but she took to it so quickly that I didn't read it. Don't hate me too much though because she's now waking at 4am thinking it's morning so I'm getting my own back!

Not sure why you don't think you can shush pat because she isn't awake. In fact shush pat is most useful in getting back to sleep between sleep cycles instead of feeding and without waking properly.

What are you thinking shush pat is, if you think it can't be used in this situation?

I'm assuming that since you know baby isn't properly awake that you can recognise the different cry that means 'aww I want to go back to sleep' as opposed to 'mummy I need you'. When that happens if you sooth, shush, hand on chest, shush, the idea is that's all needed to get her back to sleep. Over time you lessen the amount of soothing until just a hand on chest is all the reassurance needed, or just a shush from afar.

I've tried just putting my hand on her and making soothing noises but it makes no difference. Even lifting her up and cuddling her makes no difference to the cry type or level. She just wails and wails as though nothing is happening. The only thing that seems to soothe her (right now) is feeding. I've known us to hold her for twenty minutes or more with no change in her cry type or level...

Maybe caontinuing to feed her is best for you both then? Shush pat, or any new and different settling method, will need some time to be established and is unlikely to be immediately effective.

The Pantly Pull Off might be better for you, it takes time though and is no quick fix

I don't expect it to be effective immediately and anticipate it will be hard work. I don't have a problem with that. All I was saying is that holding her and shushing her is making no difference to her crying levels. If I felt holding her was soothing her I wouldn't have a problem but it doesn't seem to be helping...

The Pantly Pull-Off ?

I haven't tried that yet but will look into it more. Thank you.

But what IS the Pantly Pull-Off ? If it's a joke it's quite a good one.

www.pregnancy.org/article/when-your-baby-wakes-frequently-feed-pantley-pull