Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

3 month old has forced me into sleep training

70 replies

Spl0ink · 07/09/2015 16:26

Overnight, my happy sleepy little baby suddenly refused point blank to fall asleep during the day. So after two days of an increasingly furious, overtired baby screaming at me, I went from a 'play-it-by-ear' form of parenting to a regimented sleep schedule of sleep rituals, wake-to-sleep interventions and complete house arrest.

It never occurred To me that this is how I'd be doing things - but I don't see what other choice i had.

To those that advocate later sleep training or none at all, how did you contend with nap fighting? Anyone else feel that theyve been pushed into sleep training by their baby? Any other experiences or tips to be shared?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FATEdestiny · 07/09/2015 16:50

All babies need teaching how to sleep. It starts from being a newborn and ends at around pre-school age.

Babies/children can't go to sleep themselves (ie left to their own devises) at all. No baby can. Children don't have the emotional capacity to do so until about school age.

You are not really sleep training here. It is just those rose-tinted FTM glasses are fading to the realities of actually being a parent

All babies. All of them, have to be taught (in a gentle way, of course - no need for crying of done right) how/when to sleep.

FATEdestiny · 07/09/2015 16:54

PS - Not unusual that the first 3 to 4 months are much easier sleep-wise. That newborn fourth trimester is all about feeding and sleeping so as long as feeding is sorted, sleep should come more easily.

The challenge begins after those newborn days finish.

Jw35 · 07/09/2015 17:00

When my 8 month old fights naps it usually correlates with teething.
I haven't had a strict routine and not had any real problems with sleep so far. I would t worry about changing your parenting style. Different babies need different things.

FixItUpChappie · 07/09/2015 17:32

I would suggest that instead of adopting a strict schedule as such that you adopt strict rituals that can happen at any given time.....lights lower/blinds pulled, story read, lullaby music played, bottle given, rocking chair, soother provided, white noise on, fan on, swaddle, put in crib to relax etc.

Just be sure to start your rituals when your baby shows the very first sign of being tired. If you miss the little eye rub, the bit of fussiness, the yawn - they will catch their second wind. watching the clock so you see their own natural patterns is very helpful for the information so you can start to anticipate where they are probably at.

3 months is So, SO little - I would personally not chose sleep training at this stage. you can teach your baby how to go to bed without being a slave to an external clock - certainly not beneficial to let them cry it out or any of that. don't make bed a big battle which builds negative associations.

remember - it's a phase. Repeat, repeat, repeat!

Original poster

Spl0ink · 07/09/2015 19:36

Thank you for your replies everyone. I've probably got my terminology a bit wrong as by schedule I do mean a routine - I'm working to him rather than the clock, but it is very clockwork: basically awake an hour, sing a song, lower lights, shush pat, cuddle/fight, sit quietly for five minutes then down.

The hour is his limit, any more than that and he gets wired and manic. If he's looking sleepy before that then i start the wind down before. I'm just amazed at how relentless it is, we literally have time to feed, change a nappy, look at each other for a minute or two then it's time for bed again. It's like a sleep production line.

Yes the rose tinted spectacles are well and truly smashed :)

OP posts:

Thelushinthepub · 07/09/2015 19:41

I don't understand really. It doesn't seem to work yet everyone says it does. My DD is 4m and won't nap in her cot. I would like her to but she won't. I shhhhh pat but she's just screams her head off. Longest I've done it is 45 Mins. She doesn't care she'll go on forever.

She also mainly feeds to sleep. I'd love to teach her to self settle but she won't learn

Original poster

Spl0ink · 07/09/2015 19:43

I'd like to add that he cries and fights for every nap. Every single one. The crying tends to last no longer than five minutes and I cuddle him throughout, and never put him down until he's totally calm, but if there's a magical window where I could put him in his cot without him thrashing and screaming first then I have yet to find it, even once :(

OP posts:

mewkins · 07/09/2015 19:48

Yes my dd is now at school but she turned into a nightmare sleeper at 4 mo and everything I did resulted in more screaming. Therefore I figured she may as well be screaming and actually get some sleep. She got the hang of it very quickly. Ds is also very routine led. He likes to knwo what he is doing and loves his cot.

LittleBearPad · 07/09/2015 19:49

Don't worry about feeding to sleep, rocking to sleep or whatever at this stage. If they nap well in their pram put them down in it for naps. Whatever works is best for now.

LittleBearPad · 07/09/2015 19:50

And at 4 months there's a sleep regression. So totally normal doe sleep to go to pot then for a while.

Original poster

Spl0ink · 07/09/2015 19:52

Hugs to you lush

So much of the baby advice says: congrats! You've made it to three months! Isn't it all so easy now?

To which I say: no. No it's not, ta.

OP posts:

NullaBore · 07/09/2015 19:58

Dd was a crap napper. At 12 weeks l cracked and started feeding her to sleep. Once she needed her naps and had got used to the ritual of it, l stopped bf her but she'd still nod off. Always in her cot so l could nap too.

Agree with pp that baby's need help learning how to sleep/settle.

Thelushinthepub · 07/09/2015 20:00

She'll nap in the car, sling or pushchair. Not at home unless it's on the bed with me and feed to sleep. Don't mind too much I nap too

Thing is I don't even care much if she cries. I'm a perfect candidate for sleep training. DD obviously isn't!

FATEdestiny · 07/09/2015 21:25

I'm working to him rather than the clock, but it is very clockwork: basically awake an hour, sing a song, lower lights, shush pat, cuddle/fight, sit quietly for five minutes then down

Sounds like you have naturally fallen into the EASY routine (which is Tracey Hogg, the baby whisperer). A small tip, but an awake time of 45-60 minutes is normal at 3 months old, so you might actually be better slightly lessening awake time.

I was following a 90 minute EASY up to 3 months, then extending to 2h through to 5 months. For the un-initiated EASY is a structure of how your day follows, in identical cycles. The cycle lengths are lead by your baby:

E - Eat - the cycle starts with a full feed
A - Awake time - no more than 60 minutes at this age, more likely 30-45 minutes from waking to start settling back to sleep.
S - Sleep - 30-45 minutes nap are normal. Try to re-settle is nap is shorter but allow baby to wake naturally if nap is longer.#
Y - You time (while baby sleeps).

I like EASY a lot and have used with my 4 children for the first 6 months. It doesn't work so well once fewer, longer naps are established but by that time hopefully good sleeping habits are better established.

FixItUpChappie · 07/09/2015 21:28

I suggest practicing putting baby down in his crib for a bit here and there throughout the day to develop it as a positive space. Ie. Put baby down in crib for a few minutes while your there singing and cleaning up the nursery, folding laundry etc - then pop out for 1 min, then return. Build up the time...next time pop out for two minutes. Put toys, books musical do dads in to play with (remove as per SIDS guidelines when sleeping). I also rocked mine to sleep at that age trying to put them down when sleepy but not entirely out cold.

Thelushinthepub · 07/09/2015 22:23

I've just put mind down sleepy and all that happened is she snapped her eyes open and started screaming. As for EASY- a nap every 3 hours? Chance would be a find thing. No you time when she won't go in her bloody cot. It doesn't work I tell you! Con!

FATEdestiny · 07/09/2015 22:56

As for EASY- a nap every 3 hours?

One nap every 3 hours at 3 months old = one very over-tired baby (unless the nap lasts for about 2 hours)

At 3 months I would be looking for a 45 min nap in every 90 min through the day. On a constant Eat-Awake-Sleep-Eat-Awake-Sleep-Eat-Awake-Sleep... cycle.

Generally speaking 45m awake, 45m asleep - repeat, repeat, repeat. Maybe 60 minutes awake at a push, certainly no longer though.

FATEdestiny · 07/09/2015 22:58

....she won't go in her bloody cot

Have you though about a bouncy chair for daytime naps?

Thelushinthepub · 07/09/2015 22:59

How? My 4 mo naps twice a day. Then sleeps 6/7 hours at night. How can you be looking to make them nap if they won't. No one is answering that

Mintyy · 07/09/2015 23:02

"Babies/children can't go to sleep themselves (ie left to their own devises) at all. No baby can. Children don't have the emotional capacity to do so until about school age."

Well this is utter tosh! What on earth makes you think it is ok to post this sort of rubbish?

JasperDamerel · 07/09/2015 23:03

I find EASY routines a bit bewildering, as my babies (and pretty much all of my friends' babies) fell asleep at the end of a feed. I'm perfectly willing to accept that plenty of other babies don't though, but it just goes to show how different babies can be, and why there isn't a one size fits all way of dealing with babies.

PlaymobilPirate · 07/09/2015 23:04

Babies can go to sleep themselves fate ds was in scbu - they are regimental.. 'cares' every 3 hours and left to sleep in between. He was pretty much trained when he came home and stuck to that rigid 3 hour thing himself until he started teething - you could set your watch by him!

TeamBacon · 07/09/2015 23:09

I did all this with my first sleep refused.

Second one has never slept in his cot during the day, he looks sleepy, gets a cuddle and then falls asleep on the sofa.

Admittedly he's one of those rare babies that actually can settle himself to sleep but life is so much less stressful. He still doesn't have much of a routine, his day depends on when he wakes up).

There is bugger all point getting a 4mo onto a routine. Following them, definitely, bit stressing about it, no. As soon as you've cracked it, the buggers go and change it.

Thelushinthepub · 07/09/2015 23:10

....she won't go in her bloody cot

Have you though about a bouncy chair for daytime naps?

Yes she won't go to sleep in one.

FATEdestiny · 07/09/2015 23:10

My 4 mo naps twice a day. Then sleeps 6/7 hours at night

Unless those two naps are absolutely massive, your baby is not getting anywhere near enough sleep.

More sleep = even more sleep. Good sleep = better sleep. Unfortunately poor sleep = worse sleep.

The better and more your baby sleeps, the easier it is for them to go to sleep and stay asleep. So they sleep more.

For the first three months baby should be sleeping between 16-20 hours in every 24 hours. That means most of the time. Naps may be short (anything from 20 minutes - 90 minutes) but should be very frequent.

Flip

1 2 3