14 months and never slept through

[CeCeBloomer]

At end of tether - latest problem is waking for 1-2 hour chunks and not going back to sleep between 2-5am. At work after driving 15 miles on the motorway in a total daze. Have tried pick up put down, feeding, cuddling etc, don't want to leave her to cry, any other suggestions??

Mine was 14 months too. You have to be stronger than them! It's a game . Once you've checked nappy, given medicine, given them a drink, there really is no more you can do for them. Five nights of being left to scream each night for 2-3 hours, and it never happened again. It was horrendous, but we had to take the control back and it was not sustainable to live like that for any of us. He's been a great sleeper from that week on. If you don't want to leave them to cry I don't have any advice! Get a hotel???

It does rather depend on what kind of a parent you are, I am in the camp that thinks you have to teach them to self settle, and if you have checked that they are not ill , offered water, etc, leave them to it. I went back after 5, 10,15 minutes etc to reassure. I never made it to 20 minutes as they had always given in by then. 3 nights of this max for each of my boys. Good luck.

14 months is very young to sleep through. Give it a few more years. Mine are teens now, so I'm getting my own back! But they were 5-6 before sleeping through reliably, although after 3-4 they could amuse themselves quietly in the bedroom.

Don't forget the hours we sleep are pretty awkward and unnatural, it doesn't come naturally to a child.

Dd didn't sleep through til 18months. She now sleeps through consistently at 22mo unless ill. Apparently that is not unusual. Sorry I know you don't want to hear that, but nothing worked until she was ready. Then she just did.

My ds slept through at 14 months. It was the best Christmas present ever. It took 4 months of nursery and replacing breast with bottle to get him tired and satisfied enough to last 10 hours.

I know cc works for a lot of people so if you are desperate and dedicated and you think it's the right thing, then maybe try that.

Good luck. I know how awful it feels. I'm doing it all again but totally kidding myself that this one will be a good sleeper.

The only thing that lessened the wakings was stopping night time feeds. they don't need it by that age and she stopped waking wanting milk. She still woke once or twice until 18months though. But that was better than the 5 times I was used to.

Have you tried gradual retreat? It's slightly less harsh than controlled crying but still works. It just takes longer. You basically put them down in the cot and then sit next to the cot and just wait. Avoid eye contact and don't talk, and just leave them to it. They will cry and whinge and you can shush them if it gets really bad, but it helps teach to self settle. Then you gradually move further away from the cot each night until you're no longer in the room. There's a thread on here titled 'what worked for us' which has lots of good information about it.

I used this method with dd when she was 1. She didn't start sleeping through the night but her sleep did improve a lot. She used to wake up to 10 times a night then it went down to once or twice a night after the gradual retreat stuff. It has worked very well for other people.

She's now 19 months and started sleeping through a month ago. I didn't do anything different, it just happened randomly!

I hope she sleeps more soon. I know how awful it is

I have stopped night time feeds - in the last week or so. She did 7pm-3am the other night which was a record but then was up for 2 hrs I tried everything, she eventually went back to sleep at 5am and slept til nearly 9, this is fine at the weekend but I leave for work at 7:30am.
I think I am going to need to be tougher but it is so hard when I feel guilty about not seeing her all day, particularly as this Is my first full time week back at work

Don't feel guilty! You have to think that being tough now will benefit not just you but your dd too. My dd has been much happier since she's been sleeping well, and so have I. If you're not knackered all the time then you'll be happy too and have the energy to engage much more with her.

My husband has started going in at night and generally she settles quickly for him but then she wakes up for hrs on end, before last week, she would wake 3-4 times but would feed back to sleep within minutes it doesn't work anymore just seems to wake her up

I know you don't want to leave her to cry but CC worked for us in a similar situation when my DD was 11 months and has had no lasting ill effects. I was very against it initially but the sleep deprivation got too much and I was going back to work.

I would seriously consider it if I were doing a regular motorway drive. I'd prefer a few nights of upset followed by a regular decent night's sleep to crashing my car through tiredness.

I don't sleep through either.

Have you tried having them in your bed?
Or you could have a look at Pantley's no cry sleep solution.

Yes she has ended up in bed with me/us every night since birth - started trying to get her to sleep alone at 8 months with mixed success, she has had about 7 full nights in her own cot

Gradual retreat worked for us with dd2. No real distress - just whingy crying. Took 10 nights but she was 20 months. We used controlled crying with dd1 and she is now an anxious, untrusting, insecure 9 year old. We are awaiting a test for asperges but if it turns out this isn't the reason for her difficulties I'm afraid it may our failure to use attachment parenting methods which have produced in dd2 a happy, affectionate, trusting and confident child. If it's a game/power struggle then you won't hear distress in their cry. If they sound distressed my advice would be to always offer them the comfort and reassurance they need. My parents made up a little bed on the floor for me next to theirs. That's another possibility.

Ah - are you feeding her to sleep at the beginning of the night? Sounds like that might be the problem. She then needs you to settle her again when she stirs in the night. Suggest getting a sleep consultant to help. We used Ann Caird and she was great, very gentle methods but very effective. She's often quite booked up, though.

Mine was a bit older, but...

I stopped feeding him to sleep, and night weaned at the same time, just after his second birthday. He immediately slept a bit better (from waking every hour to waking every 2-3 hours) but he didn't really start reliably sleeping through until he was 2.5.

Mine sleeps in my bed too. When he wakes we just tell him it's sleep time and then act asleep, cuddle him in and he soon copies. What does yours do?