13 month old, refusing cot entirely

[Milkyway1304]

We had reached a pretty good place sleep wise with 13 month old DD. Into cot at about 730pm, she would usually wake sometime between 2 and 5am and come in to bed with us at that point. However a week ago she woke at 4am absolutely distraught, and ever since then has been a nightmare to put into cot awake or asleep. She will fall asleep in seconds in our bed- with either of us, not feeding to sleep, but wakes the moment we move her. I don't mind co-sleeping but I don't want to go to bed at 730pm every night! Does anyone have any advice?

Just to add, up to a week ago she was self settling and has never been left to cry in the cot.

I would probably just sit myself by the side of the cot and keep on continually lying her back down and shushing and patting until eventually she feel asleep in there. Then repeat the next night, the next and the next and so on.

No advice but watching with interest as we're having a similar problem with DS2. He's a few months older, and goes down fine but wakes again after an hour, then every hour until we give up and bring him in beside us. Don't mind co-sleeping but would like him to be a bit more settled so we can have our evenings back a bit!

At the moment she becomes hysterical if I put her into the cot at all, even during the day with toys. It's very abrupt- as though something has frightened her..FATE we tried shush pat/pick up put down when we had a bad patch at 7-8 months. It was traumatic to say the least, she could easily stay awake for 4 hours. After 10 nights of hell we gave up and about 2 weeks later she started sleeping beautifully without any help! I know she's older now but I'm not sure we can do that again. She's started refusing the cot in nursery too, but they make up a little bed on the floor where she naps and they have no issue with that- it's not really an option for us though.

Aw bless her, it might just take time for her to forget about whatever it was that has scared her. If I were you I'd keep trying gently, doing just what you're doing, but not force it, as you don't want to freak her out more.

Hopefully someone else will come along with something more helpful!

Thanks Serena- it's so strange, must have been a dream or a shadow that upset her but she's surely forgotten that by now! My husband thinks we should just go with it, and to work on making her like cot in the day; my mother thinks we should just let her cry and I really have no idea at all. I had thought of getting rails for the bed but I'm sure she would climb over them.

She's maybe just developed an association that cot = scary place? Even if she doesn't remember why! I'd go with your husband's approach - I've never been able to let mine cry. You instinctively want to comfort them when they cry, and we have that instinct for a reason, IMO.

It's hard though, you just want a wee bit of time to yourself in the evenings don't you, to watch crap TV or whatever. As the old MN saying goes - this too shall pass

Sounds like separation anxiety to me, it can just happen over night like that. My 14mo did just about a week or so ago. He didn't want to come out of his cot, he would just cry if I left where before he was self settling at bed time. Now he is better, he will chatter to himself and go to sleep as long as he knows I'm in the room - he sometimes does a little cry and I shush him, just so he knows I haven't left. If I try to put him down and walk out like I used to be able to then he just screams. I'm hopeful that it's just a phase.... We don't pick him up at night for put him in our bed so can't help with that one. He has gone from one to two brief wakings at night to waking every couple of hours now though! I think that's due to developmental leap and teething though..... I hope!

I'm not sure at that age they can be scared by shadows and things, I don't think mentally they are capable of associating things like that as scary, especially if it were a one off. Being scared of shadows and the dark generally starts around age 2. I might be wrong though!

You are probably right sweets! But I dont think its just separation anxiety as its specific to the cot, and it's even if I'm touching her through the bars. I'm sure it will pass, and if not at least we will be well rested!