Utterly desperate. DS refusing cot totally. 4.40am and still no sleep.

[chocciechip]

We moved DS into a cot a week ago out of his Moses basket. First five days were fine. He went to sleep as usual with typical awakenings as with Moses basket.

Last night, every time we put him down - even when we believed he was totally asleep, he gives a small startle, raises his arms and starts gurning which turns to a full blown cry. Every.Single.Time. It's like a switch has been flicked.

Last night we ended up taking it in turns to hold him through the night. Both shattered and not happy about it from a safety aspect.

Same with naps today.

Tonight - right NOW - DH was determined to get him in his cot. It is 4.22 am and he still hasn't gone in, startling and weakening and screaming each time we put him down. We now have a shattered baby who is snatching sleep when we hold him and wakening every time we put him down. DH still has had no sleep the whole night, and we just had a row about DH getting in bed and holding him while he sleeps when they're both so exhausted.

But DS will not go in his cot. Right now screaming.

What the fuck do we do? He is my second DC and we've never had a sleep issue that's felt so desperate before.

1/ He is EBF. The constant nursing to soothe him is really hurting me a lot and I frankly feel sucked dry. DH took him and gave him a bottle of EBM earlier while I was asleep thinking he might be hungry, that maybe there literally was no milk now. It hasn't worked.

2/ We have a hot water bottle to warm the cot, humidifier, white noise. He's in a gro-bag. We have the room at perfect temp. We gave him calprofen in case he had pain - night before it as Calpol - neither have had effect.

3/ He goes to sleep being rocked or fed and usually falls asleep and stays asleep. We were planning to sleep train him as we did with DD when he was a bit older.

4/ he has had a cold. We've used snufflebabe and Olbas oil for the last few night which helped when he was bad. He's much better now, still using it - but changed cot sheet earlier in case it was the issue. His nose is clear. We don't think that's what's bothering him.

I am now going to try and sit awake with him after letting him nurse again. But last night I fell asleep holding him while upright so I am scared. Tried putting him next to me in bed on top of duvet cover - same thing, screaming.

I am in such despair over this. Any suggestions for a way forward.

Didn't want to read and run as I've Been where you are and know the misery! Sounds like you are doing all good things so not much else to suggest I'm afraid. How old is baby? Will he be swaddles? My second settled much better in a swaddle pod with his arms up. Sorry not to be more helpful but I understand how awful it is to be so tired! Good luck! Rember- everything is a phase and this too shall pass!

Will he go in the basket? Just for tonight?

Swaddle with arms held. Honestly. I second that.
With dc3 we had to swaddle with one arm half out, but you need to stop the Moro reflex kicking in, and the only way to do that is to keep the baby nice and snug as if he is being held.

Swaddle, swaddle swaddle. Try a few ways, but you'll find one that works, honestly.

Good luck xxxx

How old is your ds? Little enough to try swaddling again (worked with dd1 at 6 months). Could it be hunger? I always found it took 3 days for my boobs to get the message more milk was required.

Dd1 was a terrible sleeper and dd2 a dream, I have often thought it must be much harder if you have it the other way round so . I remember those sleep deprived arguments with dh over tactics well...

My advice is if holding him works make a safe place to cosleep. Then once you have had some sleep try the cot again. Or have you tried putting basket in cot, if it's really the basket he misses that might help.

Loud music worked with dd2 (unexpected discovery), and a rocker was a life saver with dd1 (graco loving hugs was our best ever purchase)

Thanks for replies. I'm in tears here. We used to swaddle him but stopped a few weeks ago when we moved him into his gro bag and he was fine. But I'll try that now. Moses basket packed away but will be dragged out tomorrow again.

Does he have a dummy? DD always fed for comfort and the dummy really helped at night.

I imagine you've tried everything already but try placing something with your smell in the cot, or wrap yourself in the sheet for a bit so it smells milky. When you place him down keep hold for a few minutes, or put your hand on his chest, until he seems settled.

Will he lay on his back while you hold him? Was he alright on his back in the moses basket? Just wondering if it's the position as DD always startled on her back as she had reflux.

DS is a few days short of 5mo.

Swaddle - you're fine to do this as long as he can't roll. Also (easier said than done) calm down. He'll pick up on your stress. Good luck

DS has refused a dummy point blank. I bitterly regret taking nipple confusion advice so seriously. I didn't with DD and now think at least she had a dummy to help her self soothe. I've got a small blanket I've been sleeping on to make smell like me and will try give it to him now. Will also wear a muslin under my top all day tomorrow for the following night. God this is awful. Bless you all for your support at this hour.

I think DS is on the brink of rolling. He hasn't yet but twists around a lot on his play mat.

I did once sleep on the sofa with the pushchair next to me, baby in it, as the straps were enough to convince him he was being held and stopped the dreaded Moro. Ditto, when he was poorly, we resorted to twice putting his car seat in the cot with him in it.

Fortunately, dd1 had a swing that was reasonably successful if all else failed.

And dd2 had a magic pink snowsuit.

Desperation makes for strange bedfellows...

Now Swaddled in a big sheet over his gro-bag. Still asleep. Will persevere if he wakes and report back tomorrow. Thank you so much. Going to try snatch some sleep. DD will be awske soon!

Would he sleep in his car seat or pushchair? Not a long-term option, just so that you can both get some sleep right now?

DD1 was an awful sleeper, and often the one thing that worked was putting her in her car seat, and rocking her backwards and forwards. It isn't recommended for long periods (all night), but would be okay for a few hours.

(She's been a brilliant sleeper since.)

We had this and the only answer was to co sleep, safely- I.e DH in another room, no pillows or quilts , matteress on floor. It worked and she is 7 now with no sleeping issues. I don't know why I was so bothered about the cor looking back.

Pop him back in his basket and place the basket in the cot

His moses basket really is too small now. We eventually moved him because his gro-bag was making it difficult to get him in. I don't know if there is a way to safely make his cot seem smaller instead.

The swaddling worked for about 20mins and then he woke and started struggling against it and crying. I fed him again (I don't think he's even feeding, just suckling) swaddled him tighter and put him down again when he seemed fully asleep. He is so tired he just falls asleep quickly. But he feels as if he is trying to sit up as I put him down - starts waking as I lower him and his muscles strongly resisting being put down. This time he woke instantly. He is currently sleeping on DH with me awake watching. Neither of a have slept a wink the whole night and DD is due to wake.

Co-sleeping - apart from my fears because I am so dead tired I could accidentally smother him - is also difficult. DS wants to be physically ON me - not next to us or away from us. I've tried napping with him in the day and he won't.

I don't know how to get through this.

Our days are very very hard - he has had reflux issues which thankfully seem to be getting better now but even so have never troubled him at night too much. But I've struggled physically and emotionally with the days - carrying him and constantly dealing with crying. To add nights to this is going to break me.

I actually pounded my own head with my knuckles towards the end of this night and my forehead is swollen and will bruise. And I sobbed in the bathroom. Completely fell apart. I'm a mess frankly. This child is making me crazy and breaking me. Somehow I've got to get through the day with DD after two nights of literally no sleep and a son that s bound to cry the whole day again because he hasn't slept properly either.

My 5mo used to sleep happily in basket then cot for most of the night. I'd usually ring him into our bed around 2-4am when he was unsettled.
Last few months I can't get him to settle into his cot past me coming to bed around 930pm when he always wakes up. So we're basically cosleeping.
Maybe it's a developmental thing? Sleep regression? Learning to roll/sit up?

4month sleep regression? It's shit, do whatever you need to do to get through it. For us it was a lot of no sleep and wandering around in the middle of the night with two babies that would not sleep on their own.

I found it helped to have a reason for it if you know what I mean?

Do you have anyone who can help out with the other dc so you can get some sleep today - even a couple of hours can make you feel heaps better.

Oh choccie
He won't break you, you can get through this. He is just a stubborn one and he wants to be with you, DD is similar. I found the best thing was to give up on what everyone says your baby "should" be doing - DD was having none of that. Path of least resistance for us resulted in the most sleep.

Cosleeping is what worked for us, I had the cot up hard against the side of the bed so I could have her in it when she felt like it but if not it did as a bed guard, and that way she slowly got used to the cot. Also do you have a sling for day time?

If you're ebf then getting a dummy in takes a bit of work. With DD we held it gently in her mouth to stop her spitting it straight out and she took to it after a while. We found the ones with the really narrow neck were best for DD, like the mam air ones.

cosleeping solves a lot of problems

You could try a sleepyhead. It is bigger than the Moses basket but will make him feel more secure in his cot. They are expensive but worth it for a good nights sleep.

I advise breaking up tomorrow night so you and dh both get sleep. P1( person one) sleeps 7-8pm and 1am till 6 am P2 sleeps 8pm - 1am and 6am till 7 am. This has worked with dh and I so we can cope with the tiredness.

If he has reflux could his meds need adjusting? The dosage needs to change as his weight goes up. The not wanting to lie flat sounds like a real reflux thing to me. My heart goes out to you though, my ds had reflux and I remember thinking he would break me too. He outgrew it by the age of 1 and is now a wonderful 8 year old and somehow I didn't break. This too will pass.

We used a divider thingy to make cot smaller, move it along as they grow. I also got the safe breathable cot guards as it makes them feel more enclosed. both on Amazon.

My ds2 also loves (still has it at 20 mo) his sucky muslin. at that age he'd drape it over his face (terrifying!!) and now just shoves half it in his mouth to suck on.

I was you honestly, I remeber sobbing on my knees in the bathroom. Co sleeping as I've already said, sling at all times in the day, decent reflux meds and cranial osteopath.
They were dark days, you have my biggest sympathies.