Utterly desperate. DS refusing cot totally. 4.40am and still no sleep.

[chocciechip]

We moved DS into a cot a week ago out of his Moses basket. First five days were fine. He went to sleep as usual with typical awakenings as with Moses basket.

Last night, every time we put him down - even when we believed he was totally asleep, he gives a small startle, raises his arms and starts gurning which turns to a full blown cry. Every.Single.Time. It's like a switch has been flicked.

Last night we ended up taking it in turns to hold him through the night. Both shattered and not happy about it from a safety aspect.

Same with naps today.

Tonight - right NOW - DH was determined to get him in his cot. It is 4.22 am and he still hasn't gone in, startling and weakening and screaming each time we put him down. We now have a shattered baby who is snatching sleep when we hold him and wakening every time we put him down. DH still has had no sleep the whole night, and we just had a row about DH getting in bed and holding him while he sleeps when they're both so exhausted.

But DS will not go in his cot. Right now screaming.

What the fuck do we do? He is my second DC and we've never had a sleep issue that's felt so desperate before.

1/ He is EBF. The constant nursing to soothe him is really hurting me a lot and I frankly feel sucked dry. DH took him and gave him a bottle of EBM earlier while I was asleep thinking he might be hungry, that maybe there literally was no milk now. It hasn't worked.

2/ We have a hot water bottle to warm the cot, humidifier, white noise. He's in a gro-bag. We have the room at perfect temp. We gave him calprofen in case he had pain - night before it as Calpol - neither have had effect.

3/ He goes to sleep being rocked or fed and usually falls asleep and stays asleep. We were planning to sleep train him as we did with DD when he was a bit older.

4/ he has had a cold. We've used snufflebabe and Olbas oil for the last few night which helped when he was bad. He's much better now, still using it - but changed cot sheet earlier in case it was the issue. His nose is clear. We don't think that's what's bothering him.

I am now going to try and sit awake with him after letting him nurse again. But last night I fell asleep holding him while upright so I am scared. Tried putting him next to me in bed on top of duvet cover - same thing, screaming.

I am in such despair over this. Any suggestions for a way forward.

or u can get a movement monitor if u want to put him on his tummy safely before he can roll

Hi you
Hope your ok, you seem to have had most of the tips already on here. When I moved my boy into his cot I put my pregnancy pillow (shaped like a sausage) in a circle then a double sheet over it to make the space seem smaller, like a little den for him. I also raise his mattress with a cushion head end as he's had stuffy nose since c section delivery. I swear by the ocean noise on the sleep sheep (not the ewan one but on amazon). Hope things improve for you xx

Poor you! And seconding the ears thing - cot may be a red herring. DS had terrible sleep problems all of a sudden at six months which kept me up all night for weeks. Turned out to be ear infections (which lasted a year but that's another story!).

I would definitely try him on his tummy. You say he can nearly roll now anyway; it's the only way any of mine have slept any length of time. I think it can really help with the Moro startling them awake, as their limbs are cushioned by the mattress.

Good luck. My youngest is now almost 18 months, and hasn't slept longer than three hours at a time since she was 4 months old! I am on my knees, still searching for the magic bullet!

God, both mine were like this. Swollen forehead from bashing myself too.

If he just wants to be held then DH will have to hold him while you sleep in another room. It can't go on like this, you need some sleep. If LO will only have you, it's very unlikely you'll smother him, medication or not. Do you roll out of bed? If not, it a good indication that you know what's going on around you even in your sleep.

Maybe look into food in tolerances? For us it was milk/beef proteins and eliminating them made a big difference to the horrendous daytimes.

as it's horrible when other families are enjoying their babies and you just want to scream, cry, or disappear

Thanks so much for all your support. Bruises on my head are now a dark blue reminder of the hell I was in! I can't go out.

DS is back in his Moses basket and sleeping more again. We can at least settle him, even if he won't sleep as long as we'd like. So it was all cot related. Have no idea what to do now - the basket is pretty small! We are getting some sleep but still not enough: we're not demented with desperation, just bone shakingly shattered.

He wakes at around 11.30pm, 3.12am, and 5.26am. He weighs 6.9kg (~15lb) so should manage a nights sleep now. I feed him each time because it's the quickest way to settle him and were so tired in the night, but I appreciate I may be contributing to the problem. I also think the scattered and hard-to-conquer day time naps don't help.

I'm not sure where to start first to try resolve this?

DH suggests formula in the night for one of the feeds and just rocking him when he wakes the other two times. I've been advised by paediatrician to start weaning him, even though he's still not quite five months, to help with reflux. So I'm not opposed to introducing a bit of formula at this stage.

And then there's the day time naps and the cot issue. How to resolve this now?

Try putting the Moses basket in the cot for a while so he gets used to the view? And when you transfer him use the same sheet (ie put a cot sheet in the Moses basket for a bit) so it smells the same?

We haven't found formula to make any difference to sleep but then DD is a bit of a rubbish sleeper and I've heard it works for other babies. Not good for your supply though if you want to keep bf (prolactin is mostly produced at night).

I also wouldn't focus too much on weight-sleep link tbh, I don't think "should" is helpful in this regard since babies often don't do what they "should" do!. DD is nearly 11kg and still wakes twice a night for a feed. Best thing I found was (once she was on a bottle) teach her to hold it herself - I just hand her the bottle at night now and then go back to sleep. While I was still bf I perfected side-lying bf, I napped while DD did her night feeds.

My ideal aim is to get to a point where DS sleeps through the night (as for everyone) but I can bf first thing in. Morning and just before he goes to bed. I managed to bf DD until 15months like that and would like to do the same for him.

I was hoping to make the 11.30 feed a formula feed, in the hope he'll drop it himself one day leaving me with the 7.00pm feed still going. Then we'll try and not feed him at 3am and 5am~ish. Dropping the 3am bf first.

Am I being foolish? A friend of mine thinks he is waking out of habit, and not because he needs to.

You know your baby best. Does he sound hungry when he wakes up?

Feeding patterns don't recur with subsequent babies. Honest. They are all individuals.

Dd1 wasn't too bad overnight. Ds1 fed every two hours 24/7 (so an hour and a half between feeds) until he was 10 months, when I stopped bf. We had tried everything to try and get him to sleep through, but his routine was absolutely an hour and a half, scream blue murder until boob arrived, feed thirty minutes, an hour and a half, scream blue murder until boob arrived, feed thirty minutes etc etc. he also had severe aversion to plastic near his face after a 3 month bout where he had to be nebulised, so he refused any sort of bottle/ teat/ cup/ dummy. By ten months I was exhausted and just turned the tap off. He slept through from that point. So, at ten months, it was very definitely just habit, not a food requirement, but there was just no breaking him of the habit without a complete change. I wouldn't have done it at 5mos though. At five months I was mid way through the two hourly cycle mania.

Sometimes, you just gotta roll with it, and try and keep your sanity...

Are you a sling kind of person? LO would nap beautifully in a wrap (back or front, didn't matter) so when he conked out I could at least lie down and close my eyes for half an hour. Flat on my face when he was wrapped on my back, but any lying down was fine!

We combi-fed (boob and HA formula) for the same reasons (so DP could pitch in). LO was a milk snacker so a few very small bottles worked better for his reflux than one big feed. Don't underestimate the power of a dad and a dummy either, especially if there's a sling involved, or dad co-sleeping while you're in a other room.

How about a Sleepyhead? I think they do a bigger version for older babies now. DS loved his, it made him feel like he was still being held.

I am a wrap kinda person and I have a couple :DS not keen on them at all .

I've been looking at a sleepyhead. Very pricey so I want to be sure.

I bought air weave cot bumpers for safety, but the sleepyhead seems pretty solid. I assume there can't be a suffocation risk, but how is suffocation prevented with a sleepyhead? It's not obvious from pictures.

Hi Choccie, I apologise in advance as I haven't read all of the replies.

When you change a baby's routine, particularly bedtime, I have read that there will be a a regression around the 5-7 day mark that will last a few days, but once past this, baby will slip back to the new routine (bar illness, growth spurts etc) so maybe it's worth trying again and pushing through those difficult few nights to just get to the other side.

This is what I kept telling myself when we changed the routine and lo and behold around the 5th day my DD had a rough night, which lasted a couple of nights. We still have the odd blip due to illness etc but she generally sleeps through (except this past week due to teething/too light in room).

Have you got a travel cot? I had twins and used travel cots instead of traditional cots. He might settle better in one of them,also have cot next to your bed so he feels more secure.

marking for a read later as I'm having exactly the same as you with my newborn! Totally understand the frustration and exhaustion but I'm sure we'll get through it soon enough

nilbyname you're amazing i could hug you!! tried your suggestion last night with the swaddling and it was the first night that i managed to settle him in his cot after a feed and managed to sleep in bed bliss