He never seems happy

[Bearcubmumma]

Hi all, my 3week old never seems to stop crying, he has reflux which we have gaviscon for and that is working great but in between feeds he cries, takes ages to settle him and sometimes seems like he cries himself to sleep, I know it is still early days but out of 3 hours it is taking an hour to feed/change him, an hour to settle and only getting an hour or so sleep, any ideas or just some reassurance please

:( :(

What happens if you feed him again when he appears to have finished, OP?

I haven't tried to feed him more, he will have approx 3.5oz of a 4 oz bottle, maybe he does just need a breather and then more milk, I will try this, thank u

It's worth a try...usually when a young baby cries and takes ages to settle after a feed, he's wanting more milk. It's very usual for them to want a bit of a breather (or even more than one) before they are actually finished.

Can you keep him as upright as possible when feeding him? I think this meant less winding afterwards.
I can barely remember those early days...It will get better. I seemed to spend all day feeding. It's such hard work. Congratulations by the way!

It could be wind. Burp, burp and burp till you can't burp anymore!

Might it be an idea to try a different brand of formula? Of course you don't want to mess him around but possibly he might prefer a different one?

Bearcub, can I just suggest you try one thing at a time for two or three days?

I'd suggest going with feeding when he cries, and not assuming he has finished.

If that does not work, add the upright position.

After a few days, if that doesn't work, add in the extra winding.

Then if that doesn't work, try a change of formula.

If you try everything at once, it's hard to see what helps.

Just want to offer some support - my DD was quite like this as a newborn (she is now 8 months old and we all survived !) it was very hard and so hard not to take it personally and try and figure out what exactly is unsettling them. It could be a number of things. It could just be that she is like 'GET ME BACK IN THAT WARM COSY WOMB WHERE I WAS NEVER HUNGRY!!' Swaddling, white noise (radio static) and keeping them close to you all help in my (limited!) experience.

My DD didn't seem a very content baby... not chilled and not satisfied and all milk drunk after a feed as I thought babies should be. And cried after or in between feeds a lot. She had an extreme tongue tie - 95% which meant she couldn't effectively use her tongue to feed and wasn't taking enough milk and we also think she had a lip tie which meant even after her tongue tie was snipped which made feeding SO much easier, she was still unable to make a good seal with her lips and kept coming off the breast all the time, also we think (looking back) because of the lip tie she was taking in more air than usual as she didn't have a good seal so she was windy and uncomfortable. She never liked to be on her back, always on her front or upright (maybe reflux too) - what helped for her was cranial osteopathy (I swear by this for balancing the baby's body after birth - it's very gentle and baby's respond really well to it) and we also (controversially) let her sleep on her front with her head to the side. From birth she could lift her head up and turn it over to the other side with no problem, and she slept right next to me in bedside cot so I just about felt comfortable with it...mainly because I could see she was way more comfortable and happy on her tummy and it soothed her. Another thing that helped with her crying was just to keep her close to me and wear her in a sling (hard I know when you are recovering and weak from birth maybe) she was happiest when sleeping upright on my chest in the day time. She just wanted to be near my heartbeat, warmth, smell and voice.

Anyway I wish you all the best and sending a big hug...I know this is a hard time when it seems like it's really difficult to comfort and settle your baby. Just try to shed any expectations of what you baby 'should' be doing - that way lies madness ! They are just getting used to the world and their little system is getting used to processing liquid and learning to feed etc is all really intense and new to them so it does take maybe 6-8 weeks for things to settle a bit. I was surprised how much crying they do for the first 6 weeks....it was a real shock but I think it's just normal. It's how they communicate to you and build their trust in you when you respond to their cries. I'm sure you're doing really well !! xx

Thank you for all of your comments, we have tried a different milk, comfort, which he seems much happier on, like a different baby, just to know other people go through the same struggles and you aren't alone is a help :) we have also tried a sling and he sleeps so contently for hours during the day which means I can get a few things straight in the house so all a lot happier now :)

That's good news :)