Desperate

[Ivorygirl1990]

My baby will not go to sleep. He will comfort suck for two to three hours but I've had to stop this as was making me sore. Currently I am trying to rock and shush him but he cries for up to three hours every night. I feel like I can't comfort him and that there might be something wrong with him because he just can't relax. He always seems manic even after a very calm relaxing bedtime routine. Putting him down sleepy is a joke as soon as I unlatch him he shakes his head and kicks until he's wide awake. I've tried putting him down awake at the first sign of being tired but will just wings turning into hysterical crying. He is three months old and I'm just scared and desperate.

No help I'm afraid but I could have written your post :( my about to turn 12 week old seems to be getting worse with regards to sleep & is becoming harder to settle & waking more & more frequently overnight

Hi, it could be separation anxiety, we went through the same with our son. He's now 13 months and we're going through it again. But he did get used to it before and settled down. We had to rock or feed him to sleep till he was about 10 months old but then did controlled crying and he learnt to self soothe. So i wouldn't worry about him not self soothing at only 3 months. He'll get there when he's ready. That's still so young. He prob stays feeding/sucking for comfort. Does he fall asleep whilst latched on? Could you gently take him off still asleep? Do you co sleep at all? I found that was the way to go as then he would fall asleep latched on, and so would i. Then he'd unlatch by himself but be happy as still on me and go to sleep. Does he bring up wind after feeding ok?

Forget the sleepy but awake thing for now. Some babies cannot self settle this young. Swaddle him and feed him and when he falls asleep hold him upright against your shoulder for 20 mins, then put him down. It takes 20 mins for them to fall into a deep enough sleep to be put down.

Cosleeping for part of the night (after 3am say) might also get you a bit more sleep and peace.

And for now, let him nap in the pram or car or sling where there's constant motion.

The manic thing might be over tiredness. let him fall asleep on the boob, then when his sucking finally slows right down, unlatch him by pressing your nipple with a finger. If he wakes and roots let him suck again but unlatch as soon as his sucking becomes really slow. He will eventually give up and go to sleep in your arms. That's the first step

Have you tried swaddling him? We use a stretchy jersey blanket and just wrap dd up tightly so her arms can't flail about but her legs are free when we put her down. And have you tried a dummy?

Also, have you considered silent reflux?

I wouldn't mind him not being able to self sooth but it feels like I cant sooth him either unless I let him comfort suck for two hours with rocking he just screams. I've tried unlatching when he slows/ falls asleep and holding him but he just shakes himself fully awake and screams. I fully understand the sucking is a comfort but it hurts now and I just can't. This isn't a new thing he's been like it since 5 weeks old and is now 13 weeks. I do co sleep some of the time but I don't really sleep as I'm conscious of making sure he's safe and his movement and noises keep me awake. I couldn't just go to sleep at his bedtime as its at 6 and I wouldn't eat dinner more be able to let him comfort suck as it hurts.

Ive tried the pull of technique but after more than three hours and with a painful nipple and exhausted baby I gave in. He is currently swaddled and will not take a dummy. For day time naps he sleep in a carrier and I walk outside for around five hours a day he will normally go to sleep crying in the carrier and will wake hysterical not calming until he's on the breast. He is swaddled at night given a calm massage in a dimly lit room we read goodnight moon and I try and make sure he's had a full feed and then u turn on the White noise machine. I long for a baby that would sleep being cuddles of rocked, I would love to feel like I could comfort my baby to sleep but I cant. Thank you so much for all your replies.

That sounds awful for both of you, have you thought about reflux? DD had it (mildly) and there was some great advice on here for it! I hope things get better for you both soon.

Thank you for the kind words. What makes you think of reflux? I'm googled it and he perhaps has some of the symptoms.

Might be a really stupid question but is he hungry?? Do you think you're producing enough to feed him/fill him? Babies who are getting enough usually end feeds with that slightly drunk look on their faces! Your baby sounds like he's desperate for more as soon as he stops. Is he just sucking for comfort or food? What's his weight gain like?
Re the dummy- I'd persevere. Babies sometimes take a while to get used to one ime

I'd think it because it can cause all the things you've said (although they can be not related to reflux) seem to point in that direction. Constant screaming, not being comforted by feeds, comfort sucking. I didn't bf so I can't comment on supply etc but for me although dd had it mildly compared to some I fear it'd have gotten far worse if it weren't for all the information I got on here which made me ask for Infant Gaviscon. I bought it over the counter first time (I had told hv I was doing it) and then got it on prescription but found it easier due to our circumstances at the time to keep buying it so I had several supplies. I was of the opinion that I'd try it as it isn't as extreme as other medicines for reflux like Rantidine (?) and it worked. Might be worth searching on here and if the symptoms other posters describe are similar asking your hv/gp?

He's a real snacker have to work pretty hard to get him to empty a breSt in one sitting. I've had real over supply/ fast let down issues where he would choke and splutter and I was constantly engorged which seems to be sorted now. Sometimes I do feel like he's hungry and maybe that's why he cries when he wakes but there is definitely milk there and lots of health visitors think his latch is fine. Weight gain has always been great and is a big boy 75%. Deffo comfort sucking though. It's just a flutter.

Thank you I'm going to have a look now.

Well I would say work on that dummy then! That might push him longer between feeds and mean he's properly hungry so will take more.

As I said, no advice whatsoever from me re bf but if he hasn't taken well to a dummy so far it might be worth trying a few different brands? Dd has always wanted a dummy but some shapes work better than others for her. She likes the MAM ones which are like bulbs rather than ones which are shaped upwards at the end. This may make no sense now but if you look at them in the packets in the supermarket etc you'll see what I mean!