Misery Loves Company...nope. Still not sleeping.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Long-term sleep deprivation getting you down?

Join us here for and plenty of sympathy.

Ride the mo-fo out or something must be done - the choice is yours.

And remember the First Rule of Sleep Club - do not mention that things are going well or you will PAY.

Thanks Raspberry - she eventually settled for long enough for me to eat my pasta! Now though in a cycle where she comes in late evening and is quite happy next to me. Need to work on getting her used to sleeping next to DH or even staying in her cot!! I just don't think I have the energy to tackle that with work and the pregnancy though. Once DH's terrible cough goes though we can start on him back in our bedroom.
needsweets that sounds like a highly pleasant night - well done!

Needsweets that is a definite STTN in my book!

Lillipot we also always started in own cot and room, even if I had to pat/back rub to sleep then moved into my bed when she woke (usually about 9pm but I was so tired I was happy to go to bed then!). Eventually moved into her room on the floor when she turned into a hair pulling wriggle...

Five hours straight is classed as STTN which, on this thread only is bloody brilliant. The rest of the world thinks it's a bit of a joke.

Lilipot We always have tea before the DCs go to bed for starters - none of this 'after the kids are in bed' stuff as we know from bitter experience that, depending on the bedtime battle, if we did that we may never eat or live on bowls of cereal in the evening before collapsing. If DH is late home, he's quite accustomed to finding a lukewarm plate of food waiting for him while battle has commenced upstairs.

DS1 went into total cot refusal around 18 months or so, so I had to be in bed with him from 7:30pm onwards until Ann sorted him at 21 months. That was a barrel of laughs I'd go to the loo, brush teeth, change into PJs etc while DH bathed him, then he'd come straight into bed with me, where I would be punched, kicked and have my hair pulled for the remainder of the night. DS2 will do the first three hours of the night in his cot (although he's got man flu ATM so it has been more like 2.5 hours the past couple of nights) after which he'll come in with me. Much as I'd like to try and sleep during that three hours, I find it worse being woken up, so I battle to keep my eyes open until the unGODly late hour of 10pm

Help! i need some advice on how to deal with an utterly useless DH who seems to totally not "get" anything to do with sleep...

so Dd did her usual 11pmish wake up, but she has yet another cold so she just wanted to nurse for agesm after about 90mins I thought she was asleep so put her down in the cot but she woke and grizzled for about 10 mins. this coincided with DH going to bed and he offered to cuddle her
i said try for 15 mins and if you can't settle her I'll take over. anyway i dozed off but was woken by a faint beep from the kitchen. i just found him in there with all the lights on and preparing some of the emergency formula milk for Dd. wtf?

Oh and now he's fast asleep while I'm trying to settle DD.

In fairness, he probably thought he was doing you a favour by not waking you felkov and made the logical to a man decision that if 'all you were going to do' was feed her, well, he could do that, couldn't he? No difference between a boob and a bottle - just different ways of delivering milk, innit?

Felkov, it's so bloody infuriating isn't it? OH and I had such battles and screaming rows over DD1 I really thought we were going to split up

Thankfully he has been a lot better with DD2 (in that he mostly shuts up and sometimes does what he is told rather than sitting back and telling me I am doing it all wrong ). I do really feel for you though.

I agree with Elph that it seemed logical to him and he was trying to be helpful by not waking you. Men brains are very odd things. OH said several times that he thought we should give DD1 some formula because he didn't want her to miss out on the experience ??!?!?!?

In the end I bought a bottle of ready made and said fine go for it - but be prepared for her to throw it across the room because she much prefers breast milk! He never bothered to try.

Thank you Chocolate and Elph. Have got over my 2am rage and i can see he was trying to help. Men eh? DHs brain definitely doesn't work like mine.

last night concluded with a spectacular vomit from DD at about 7am (timing civilised at least!) which was fun. just managed to avoid it soaking into our fancy memory foam mattress. must buy a bigger waterproof sheet for DD!

hope the clock change brings some good sleeping for the early risers

a great stretch of 5 nights of only 3 wake ups a night, co-inciding with doses of calpol and neurofen because of cold....couldn't justify giving them last night as he seems better, and he woke 6 times. arghh!!

Early start again here, clock said 6 so actually 5.

We're having a fun time here with screaming and demands for milk (or 'muck' as DD currently says) at bedtime and every wake up. We've not fed to sleep for months so not sure where this has suddenly come from. She's asking to feed during the day too which she had pretty much stopped when I back to work so wondering if it's teeth - she has two molars coming, one of which I can feel has just come through.

As she was screaming at 3am DH said, "Why has she suddenly started doing this?". He's forgotten that we've spent most of the last 9 months sleeping in another room where he was visibly protected from any disruption!

Think I am going to have to push on with night weaning once these teeth are in but no doubt it will be something else after that...

Sorry you had a bad night Beccus, fingers crossed stopping the calpol was a coincidence!

Feeling like a bad parent today

Been very grumpy with DD1 after several nights in a row of waking at least once (and usually more). Then this morning she was up at 6.30 am (which still feels like bloody 5.30 no matter what the clock says!). She came into bed and wriggled and kicked for about 40 minutes until I gave in and got up. Grumpily.

I'm really shit at early mornings. I'd actually take a crappy night of lots of wakings over a not so bad night with an early start. I'm not sure if I'd be any better with the early start if I'd actually had a solid 5/6 hours sleep as that's never happened.

Did not manage to be patient this am and was very short with her. In response she just tried to cling and cuddle more which made me even grumpier. Feel like a horrible person, especially as it was only last night that I was in tears reading one in a million's blog and promising myself that I would be much more grateful for my two healthy children and stop moaning about lack of sleep. It is getting better and I've had much worse times than recently but I seem to be struggling more.

Obviously DD2 had an amazing night, 8-6 back down till 9. Think that made me more grumpy with DD1 because if she'd slept through and not woken so early I could have had a brilliant night! Its been 3 years FFS, just sleep would you?!

If it's not one bloody thing it's another, eh Chocolate? I have a feeling that she won't remember you being grumpy, so I doubt social services will be knocking just yet.

I'm sick. I'm bloody sick. I don't get sick. I get no sleep, DH is the one that gets sick - that's how it works around here I spent most of last night spiking temps and feeling generally horrific. I was totally unable to take advantage of the almost four hours DS2 did in his cot because I was too busy having fucking rigors. Then, of course, once he was in with me, I couldn't sleep for feeling shit, then the drugs would kick in and he'd be awake 10 minutes later. Bullshit. Bull-fucking-shit.

Ha, I knew someone would soon come along with a worse story to make me feel better, cheers Elph

Sorry to hear you're not well though, illness should be illegal when you're already dealing with zero sleep. Hope you feel better soon

You never know though, maybe you could turn the tables and get some sleep and your DH could be the one to enjoy a lack of sleep for a bit pigs might fly?

How is everyone doing? I'm on day 5 of DD vomiting huge quantities of watery mucus stuff at random times of night.

during the day she's hardly sick at all but every night since Saturday she's coughing constantly and doing huge vomits and of course it goes all over her, me, the sheets, everywhere. I think I'm going to have to go a laundrette today to conquer the massive piles of washing we keep making overnight

We are due to go on holiday for the first time with DD on Saturday but I'm now dreading it. Will hardly be a holiday if she's waking every 2 hours to puke all over me. Would you chance it? We will be flying to Austria for a week and it cost over £1000 which we'll probably lose if we don't go.

Felkov poor you and DD! That sounds awful! What does your GP say? Is it the lying down that's causing her to cough so much? Is there any way you can get her sleeping on more of an angle?

She might be better by Saturday though, otherwise if you don't want to go can't you claim it on travel insurance? I'm sure a sympathetic GP would give you a letter saying DD is too ill to fly?

I have to say that (in my foolishly extensive experience ) travelling with poor sleepers isn't ever that much fun. In fact any sort of "holiday" with kids isn't really anything of the sort, you're just away from home and all the familiar toys and routines etc that help to get through the day! Center parcs is probably just about excepted as (1) it doesn't involve any foreign travel and (2) a gigantic swimming pool is heaven for most kids and (3) you can take bucket loads of wine. Having said that, last time we went, DD1 spent the entire weekend in a filthy mood.

Equally having said that, I'm off to Spain next week because I'm a glutton for punishment (thought I'd get it in first Elph) . But, I'm staying with DM and taking MIL for a few days so will have extra hands. Almost certainly will involve no sleep but given the last few nights, that won't make much difference...

Hello tired people, may I join? Dd2 is only just 5 months so I am not as long term sleep deprived as some of you but still feeling sorry for myself as I'm on my second dud sleeper except this one is even worse! (Dd1 did redeem herself eventually). Night from hell last night and I'm still rocking in the corner a bit this morning, so just needed to come and vent somewhere people really get it. Dd has reflux and is really windy and last night didn't go to sleep til 1 am when she was wired to the bloody moon. A few short hours' sleep and then awake again and still wired.

Have been following the thread for a while. So sorry for those of you with sick children, that's a real fresh hell.

And hope the sleep training is providing some results Elphaba.

Plodding along with sleep work with Ann, thanks Greenstone. Illness on both our parts stalled things slightly but we're making inchwise moves in the right direction every day.

Glad I'm not the only one foolish enough to even attempt a holiday Chocolate The doctor listened to her chest yesterday and seemed pretty relaxed, just thought it was the standard 'virus'. so still hoping it'll clear by Saturday.

Elph yes, I am a sucker! But in my defence it was booked when she was only about 2 months old and ALL my friends said breezily "Oh she'll be sleeping through by 6 months so you'll be fine". Little did I know!

I think i could just about enjoy being away if it was the usual 5 or 6 wake ups per night but combined with copious vomit and no washing machine its a whole different kettle of fish

Hope the vomiting stops soon felkov, we had a sickness bug last week, fingers crossed she is well enough for you to get away. Our success with holidays is mixed, has ranged from not too bad to dreadful. We've never braved leaving the country though.

Still waking up screaming every couple of hours here (DD, not me!) and bedtime is gradually getting later and later, has slipped back from 7ish until 8ish. I guess it's probably the clocks changing but I was enjoying having some evening to myself!

Hope the ill/babies mums are better soon. I have a stinking cold, and given that we're cosleeping expecting DD to get it soon.
She's now playing up even more at bedtime and ended up with her first sleep being in the bed with me at 9.30pm - not good.
Chocolate - what age did you cosleep till? I'm not sleeping as well with her in now as she moves a lot and I worry about her climbing / falling out.
Anyone got any tips? No room for a mattress on the floor. Rails at side? But I think she could climb them....
DH just cannot settle her at bedtime / in night, she wails and screams and sobs, it's awful. He wants to try again as he is off work this week, I'm not sure I can bear it but worth a go I suppose.
Did anyone end up moving cot back into their room? I thought at least then I'd know she was safe and I could doze during the sometimes two hours it takes to settle....it's a cot bed though so will take some manoeuvring round.
Good luck with going away. I've refused to travel this weekend to in laws, playing the working in third trimester and being knackered card....so they are coming over for a day visit, much more manageable.

Hi Lillipot, I had to stop co-sleeping at about 10 months due to the wriggling. OH was still in with us too and there was just no room and no sleep for anyone!

So she went back in her cot (although she was already napping in there and starting the night in there). As it was before a planned house move, we'd kept a bed in there as well as the cot so I 'slept' in the bed with the cot at the foot and spent most of each night upside down in the bed with my hand in the cot!

After we moved, I convinced myself she was going to start STTN so just went in and out and sat on the floor. After a month of falling asleep on the floor with just a blanket and waking up cold and aching I got a small fold out foam mattress (like a kid's sleepover one). She then started STTN some of the time (talking books played a massive part in this, we used to leave them on all night) but regressed every time she was teething and I would end up on the floor again with my hand in the cot.

You could move the cotbed but what are you planning to do when baby arrives?

Slightly radical suggestion but if its a small room could you take the cot out and just have a mattress on the floor and stair gate on the door? That way she can't hurt herself falling/climbing out but you can have a bigger mattress so there's room for you (or DH?) if necessary!

If you're on the same page with sleep methods, I would let DH try again, and go out of the house at bedtime if you need to - I found hearing them cry and not doing anything completely alien and really really hard. But she isn't being left alone as your DH is there and comforting her, and its probably more temper at not getting what she wants (you) rather than her being genuinely scared/upset etc. It will also help them form a better relationship which will massively help when baby arrives.

I've been much better this time at distinguishing cries (or maybe DD2 is better at communicating them!) from whinging/cross/hungry/scared etc and its really helped.

Thanks Chocolate - some good ideas there. There is a futon in the attic which I might dig out and see if one of us sleeping on the floor on that in her room helps her stay there. I suspect the need for me to be there has been exacerbated by me going back to work, although she's really happy by all accounts when I'm not there!
The whole idea of her still being in with me when the new baby arrives is a bit daunting - at the very least it's going to disrupt her sleep and then it feels like it'll be a vicious circle. Plus I am having a section so will be away for most likely 2 nights.
I'm sure me being out and just letting DH get on with it is sensible - perhaps I'll even take myself for a swim which would do me good all round. Confidence was lost by him calling me home from my few attempts at a night out in the last months but at some point everyone just needs to get on with it. She's such a happy little soul in the daytime it feels so distressing to have this berserk screaming at bedtime and in the night.
I nearly cried when I heard about a friend's baby who sleeps through from 6.30pm with none of our bedtime traumas, but I do know this is unusual and all babies are different.....

Lillipot, does your DH currently do any of the bedtime routine or do you do it all? If you're doing it all, it will probably be less traumatic (for everyone!) for him to just take over a bit at a time and let DD get used to it. Yes, there could be a bit of separation anxiety in there and wanting to be close to you when you are around. Its all completely normal though so no need to feel guilty or worried by it.

My mantra has always been "they will go to sleep eventually". Its helps when you're an hour and a half in to a change and they are protesting loudly...

Chocolate, he tends to at least do the bath, and in fact often does everything up to the settling in bed - I think we have given ourselves a difficulty by it always being me that does this as although it can take ages, it usually involves less screaming. But you are right, thinking that they do always eventually go to sleep helps! I think we just need to try me being out of sight and see how it goes....problem is we think that then are all so tired by bedtime I often just say "oh, I'll do it, it'll be quicker".....

That's always the rub though isn't it? Everything would be so much easier with just a bit more sleep and less tiredness!

As Elph said upthread, its much easier if everyone is fed and all chores done before bedtime battles begin, so as least you know you can just go to bed yourself or slump in front of the tv with a well deserved glass of wine/large slab of chocolate. MN comes in very handy for gradual retreat too I find!

I also remembered earlier that when I was trying to train DD1 to fall asleep without me holding her hand, I used to lie on the floor pretending to be asleep and hoping she'd copy me and figure out what to do!

Felkov, hope your DD has stopped throwing up now and you have a good holiday.

And a belated hello to Greenstone too - how old is your DD1?