Baby doesn't sleep and I don't know how to cope

[evertonmint]

DS (DC3) is 6.5mo and his sleep is appalling. Between 9pm and now I have fed him to sleep 6 times. I have given up and given him to DH and and am now alone and raging in the dark when I should be sleeping. So miserable as it never gets better :(

I co sleep with him in the spare room. It's away from the older 2 who DH deals with if they wake but the reality is he usually gets 7 hours solid in a comfy lovely bed. I get severely broken sleep in a less nice bed in a less nice room with a baby who won't even sleep in the cot rammed right up next to my bed with the side down so it's basically the same bed. I find it v hard not to resent DH - sleep envy is a terrible thing - even though this arrangement makes sense. DH has a 12 hour day in a busy job and it's pointless for both of us to be disturbed every 60-90 mins by DS but I can't help but hate that I have to do it every night because DS will only sleep after breastfeed (if I'm lucky) and refuses bottles, dummies, thumbs, fingers etc.

I have a temporary contract starting next week. WFH 3 days so not horrendous but I have no idea how I will return to work with such a crap nights sleep.

DS is gorgeous during the day, unbelievably content (but only sleeps in buggy or sling) so it clearly works for him but I am in bits and cannot cope like this.

What do I do? How do I get through this? How do I convince myself it will get better when we appear to be heading back downhill to the dark days of November when I was at the end of my tether (things improved slightly but are getting worse again.

TBH I'm not expecting answers. I just need to get this out so I have half a chance of sleeping before DH brings back the baby I've abandoned on him when he needs his next feed which could be anything from 45 mins to 3 hours away.

Night 3: a mixed bag

Down within 5 mins at 7.45. Slept until 10.45. Fed him down without our presence, within 5 mins to the sound and stars from a toy thing

Woke at 2.15. Poo explosion :( Started resettling at 2.30. By 3.30 he had nearly dropped off 3 times and I was almost passed out. Handed over to DH. He carried on for another hour. By this time he was well over my "I'll feed him after 4 hours" rule but as he'd woken before that I had to stop myself from feeding him. This was the hardest waking.
Down at 4.30. Woke at 5.15 so fed him then for 10 mins. Again he drifted off without me there.

Still asleep now.

So he has totally got the knack of falling asleep after feeds - hurray!

But the 2 hour waking was hard. It probably would have been easier if he'd not had a nappy change. I maybe should have fed him a little to help calm him from the shock of that, but once I'd started I knew I couldn't then get him out to feed him.

His poo times have gone a bit haywire. This is probably due to the change in night feeds. Hopefully it will settle down to daytime only again soon.

Oh well, a blip, but lots of promising development too

Everton, one of the things that Ferber talks about is how feeding has repercussions for the digestive system that can disrupt sleep. So I think your instincts are right, and it will settle down. Well done for sticking to your guns, hard as it is. And well done for handing over to your DH!

The 2.30 - 3.30 thing sounds like him struggling to get back to sleep when overtired. There's a golden window and if they miss it it's hard for them. Not remotely your fault. But as his wee brain cycles settle down with age, and he works out more about his sleep environment and what's going on, he'll be able to cope better in a range of situations.

You're doing brilliantly!

Sorry, 2.30 - 4.30.....

Night 3: another mixed bag, but still so much better than where we were.

Went down in 5 mins and slept 7.30-10.30 when I fed him.

Then, I think due partly to the storm, he woke at 12 (10 mins settling), 1.30
(poo, 40 mins settling) and 3 (20 min feed). Slept until 6.30.

We also had 2 visits from DD due to the storm so are both knackered today. First day back at work but just an admin sort of day so I coped.

This is probably my last post here, though may update in a week or two to complete the story. We are definitely seeing so many positives now that we will persevere.

Thank you all hugely for the help. The advice really resonated and helped us kickstart these improvements. We're very very grateful.

I'm getting MNHQ to move this to Sleep so I can refer back or point people in this direction. I hope that's ok with everyone.

Night 4 even!

Evening all. We're going to move this thread to our Sleep board now, at the OP's request. Wishing you all a very good night's sleep. MNHQ

Sounds like reflux to me. A baby who only sleeps in a sling or upright, and who needs fed to sleep? That was my daughter. Her reflux kicked in at 6 months when we moved her out of a hammock, which kept her upright whilst she slept, to a cot. Up to that point we thought her throwing up was just alaundry issue

She didn't sleep until we got a diagnosis and medicine. She was 11 months, and I didn't have more than 2 hours of broken sleep a night until then.

Go to the doctor.