Problem putting dd down, and too long in a sling?

[MsPea]

My dd now 6.5 weeks old still refuses to sleep anywhere except "on" one of us. Attempts to acclimatise her gradually to her basket (in a baby whisperer sort of way) result eventually in a v upset baby who then won't settle anywhere, gets overtired, even harder to settle etc. V discoraging and upsetting. Any thoughts?

Secondly I find my sling a lifesaver as she sleeps there which prevents overtiredness, gives us peace etc. But is it damaging for her to spend too long there? It's quite a structured one that holds her upright and facing in. Currently she might spend 5 or 6 hours there in a 24 hour period. Which sounds like a lot now I type it out.

Thanks

Just my opinion, but I think it's fine for her to be in the sling as long as you're not getting too tired. In some cultures, babies are carried all the time. She'll be fine - make sure you are too. The basket thing is a bit more difficult. Have you tried lining it with a fleece that you've worn so that it smells nice and mummyish? Also, have you tried putting her in it while she's awake and alert so that she can get used to it? She is still very tiny - she will be a different person next week!

MsPea, my dd was exactly the same. She wouldn't even have dh, only me. There were days when I didn't put her down for 16 hours at a time. No, not even to go to the loo. Sometimes she was in the sling and sometimes I just carried her. I stopped trying to get her in a cot after a couple of weeks, it was obviously not what she needed. We sold the pram virtually unused.

It's hard isn't it? I had friends at the time whose babies breastfed for 15 mins then slept in their cots for 4 hours. Phrases like 'rod for your own back' and 'leave her to cry - she'll learn!' abounded. But basically I only had one choice, because I was never going to let her cry because her needs weren't convenient to me.

Reading Dr William Sears on 'The High Need Baby' and 'attachment parenting' pretty much saved my sanity in those early weeks.

I think it's paying off though. My dd is the sweetest, brightest, happiest little thing (8 months now), and she hardly ever cries unlike my friends' babies. She does still need a huge amount of contact though, but I don't mind. She's going to be a baby for such a short time.

What do you do at night? Are you co-sleeping?

IMO she shouldn't be in an upright position for that long - are you talking about a Baby Bjorn front carrier style thing? You need a ring sling where she can lie down in a hammock type position (I always recommend the Huggababy).

Other than that I would carry her as much as you want to and feel that she needs. It's a really good way of providing comfort and security for a very small baby and she will not need it forever. Meanwhile it's a darn good way to settle her and mean that you can have some sort of life.

I think 6 hours in a lying down position in a ring sling is absolutely fine - in fact I think it's wonderful. 6 hours in an upright sling I would not advise.

Get a Coorie (similar to a ring sling but no faffing rings).

Danceswithbaby thankyou, it's lovely to read your post and know someone else has done the same! And also to hear that providing all this security does result in a happy baby, which is the theory I'm working on. Totally agree about not leaving them to cry.

At night she usually starts off on DP's chest in the living room and then cosleeps with me when he comes to bed. I'm getting better at sleeping properly myself when she's in the bed... At the moment her early morning feed tends to become a two hour doze/nibbleathon which she loves though doesn't fit in with HV recommendations to let her have 45 mins max at the breast. Weirdly it doesn't happen with any other night feeds (she eats and conks)- I think maybe she's just a bit more awake in the early morning.

FrannyandZooey- I have a Huggababy for in the house and somthing like the Bjorn thing for outside, but she does spend most of the sling-time in the second one so I'll change that, thanks. Is being upright bad for her spine? (Am I likely to have done damage already?)

Curlew I like what you say about how tiny she is still- think I forget that because before her birth seems like a lifetime ago, and come down too hard on myself for not being more sorted about sleeping.

PS She has only been spending this long in it during the last 2 weeks. Bit worried now...

MsPea, I am afraid I don't know if it could cause any damage but I know that one of the reasons ring slings are recommended is that it is not ideal for the baby's spine to be in an upright position for any length of time until they are physically able to sit upright themselves. I will have a search and see if I can find any info for you.

I really do commend you for being sensitive to her needs and carrying her so much. I think it is wonderful that she is getting the physical contact she needs to calm her. Dr Sears advises that sling babies are much more contented on the whole and suggests that it aids their development in many ways, so please don't feel you have done something dreadful.

And tell your HV to sling her hook - since when does she know how long your daughter needs to feed for?

Here's an article written by a chiropractor about the stress that being upright places on the spine of a baby.

This page seems to suggest that the leg position is important - scroll down for a doctor's comments on the Baby Bjorn type sling

HTH.

If you had a huggababy or similar sort of sling then your baby could lie down. I had one for both my children and I think they are wonderful!

I had similar problems with my dd (now 4 months). For the first couple of months or so, we co-slept - it seemed the only way any of us could get some rest. During the day, I'd put the t-shirt that either myself or dh had worn the day before (the one with least sick on!)into her carrycot and she occasionally slept on that. Eventually, she decided that she'd sleep at night in the carrycot and very recently, she graduated to a full-size cotbed. During the day now, I always get her to sleep in a sling - either upright in a hug-a-bub or maya - and then transfer her to some cushions downstairs. It seemed that little steps and trying different things worked - but very gradually. Your little one is still quite young and although it's tiring, this phase won't last forever. You might even miss it when it does?!

MsPea, I confess I have 3 slings and no pram. We have a hug-a-bub, a sling easy and a baby bjorn with extra back support. They are all excellent in their own way. I doubt very much that you've damaged your baby's spine by using your sling. We asked the midwife about it when dd was much the same age as yours.

There is always an expert to back up ANY opinion and a doctor to say that something is bad. The important thing is to be aware, and you are. If your baby was spending loads of time laying flat in her cot you'd be worrying about flat head syndrome!

My dd enjoys her suckathons too. When she was first born it seemed that she was never off the breast. She could easily suckle for an hour. Like your dd though, she's very quick to go back to sleep after night feeds. I think it's because she's secure and comfortable.

We told our HV to sling her hook after she'd spent two hours on our sofa drinking tea, eating buscuits and saying 'you really should try and get some rest'!!

Anyway, it sounds to me like you're doing brilliantly.

MsPea,
It all seems such a long time ago now - but i'm fairly sure my DD (now 9mths) did the same, at least when we were at home but we did go out in car/pram alot so she also slept there. I do know that I've only recently gotten her to sleep in her cot during the day as in between, she slept in an Amby Natures rest (hammock). This worked like a charm. Others use it day and night, I only needed it during the day.
This might be something to consider. If not, if you don't want to do anything drastic - you'll probably find that any day now she has another developement change and won't be asleep as much during the day anyway. If you do want to break the habit then breastfeed her til she passes out (hard not to) and place her in her cot leaving a hand firmly on her tummy for a few minutes so it feels like you're still there. Maybe rub her tummy gently a bit and then creep away. Do this enough times she'll get used to it.
Or - swaddling? Have you thought of that?

I agree with danceswithbaby. I just tried to go with the flow and ignore "rod for own back" voices in my own head and now my DD is the happiest baby I know, and very secure - well, I would say that wouldn't I, but so does everyone else!

Hi again and thankyou for all the posts. Thanks FrannyandZooey for doing that research. I've been practising with the huggababy and will get more comfortable with it though at the moment I'm pretty inept at getting it on. Have reduced use of other sling accordingly- I guess that too long in any single position is probably not the best idea.

I find it v encouraging to hear that you succeeded popeye123 by putting your baby down asleep- we have been trying to put her down when almost asleep, having read in the Baby Whisperer that this was the way to do it. She always wakes up fully again- as I was saying earlier.

Also good to hear marjean that your situation got better with time. I'll try again with the tshirt trick- I did give it a go but not with much commitment I seem to remember.

In the meantime it's really nice to be told to go with the flow and be reassured that I'm not mad! Feel much better.