SLEEP TRAINING - Help please!

[flossieteacake]

Hi there - DS age 6m WILL NOT go to sleep on his own - I feel like I'm doing everything right though! Solid bedtime routine etc, he just never has gone to sleep. Since I spend hours every evening and then frequently (like 3 or 4 times) during the night getting him back to sleep, I need him to learn this for himself or I am going to have a nervous breakdown!
I am not averse to letting him cry for a while, but the problem is he doesn't cry - he screams! (and I mean screams) also turns over and gets stuck in an awkward position. I feel that if I leave him he will cry himself into a fit or something. Has anyone had a similar experience, or do you have any advice please? I need to sort this out because it is the worst part of my life at the moment Thanks xxx

Are you calm when you handle him?
They pick up when we are stressed and I found that if I humm a tune (any old tune) it calms him down. 6 Months is also the stage where they start to realise you are leaving them alone. Do you know the pick up put down technique.
You pick them up and shush pat until they calm down and their breathing calms down until you can hear it is calm and deep, you then put him down and say something like "sleep tight", you might have to do this several times over about 3 days, so I would suggest doing it when your partner can help you. It is also important to not let them cry it out, it has to do with trust issues later.
HTH or points you in the right direction, there is a baby whisperer website where they have detailed discussions on this.

Hi flossieteacake, how are his nap times? How does he settle in the day?

How do you settle him at bedtime?
Do you think he'd take to a 'blankie'?

We use(d) a similar technique as pickup/putdown, but would also visit ds/dd frequently to make sure they were ok. No eye contact is important. If you're going to sing/hum make it slow and boring. Put him back in the cot before he falls asleep on your shoulder.

Hi ladies, thank you for your help! It's a relief just saying it out loud (IYKWIM!) - er... naps - if I catch him before he shows signs of sleep, and wrap him up and put him on the couch next to me then he MIGHT go to sleep - but mre often than not he'll be totally relaxed, then suddenly decide he's tired and start screaming! I do a lot of singing/face stroking, but ten seconds after he's in the cot the screaming will resume (unless I lean in there with him and continue to sing... but this is what takes all the time!) Thanks for being interested

Sorry I forgot to say... I've tried to get him attached to a special teddy but he isn't interested, he is just a complete Mummy's boy! (He HATES dh when sleepy!!) please tell me I won't still be singing/stroking/feeding this boy to sleep when he's a teenager!

Another thing I just thought of, has he reached any milestones in the last week or so? Maybe sitting up, rolling, creeping?

They can feel very insecure when they do something new for the first time, as they need reassurance from you that they are doing the right thing. My ds is now 9 months and in the last 3 weeks, crawled, pulled up and started cruising, as he had to be taught how to sit down again he would stand up in his cot without a noise and then become so tired because he doesn't know how to get down again and then start to cry. I've been giving him extra time by rocking him and keeping him very tight until he closes his eyes, I then put him down straightaway making sure he knows I'm leaving, that has settled him and thank god he is now able to get himself to sleep again!

I know your feelings so well!!

My ds(3) didn't take to anything, but dd(9mo) loves her little muslin cloth to suck. Maybe try and muslin instead of a toy?

We also have one of these which we play every time we put dd in her cot. She can sleep without it, but putting that on and giving her her muslin does the job 80% of the time. Saves my voice! She's had it since birth as we got it for ds ~7mo.

Must admit we did lots of faffing about with ds.. didn't know any better. At one point we were litterally holding both of his hands (ie. tenderly, not firmly!) getting terrible backache leaning over the cot cos that's what he wanted (or rather that's what worked the best!). With dd we naturally fell into a different pattern and weren't too 'afraid' to leave her a short while to see if she settled herself. And amazingly she took to things so naturally. Never even fell asleep off the breast.

Agree about being calm, boring, no eye contact. You can show them what 'you' want to happen at bedtime and he will follow, may take a couple of days, but you can change any bad habit into another bad habit or, hopefully, into a good habit. You need to form a plan and stick to it for a couple of days, for both bed and nap times, imo. I explained how we approached it to Jobaz here . Hope it helps and let us know what you decide to do

Thanks for the tips! We actually have a musical mobile/projector thingy but the batteries have run out - must get some more! I appreciate you taking time to hear my moans! It's amazing how something so small can cause so much life uproar!

Flossie - your baby sounds very lovely and quite, quite normal. A baby of this age is unlikely to go to sleep by themselves. Those who do have extremely lucky parents. There is no magic answer, except giving it time.

flossie, is he on solids yet?

My dd at 5.5 months was waking upto 4 times in the night for milk (up from once a night at 3.5mo) so she would never have slept through at this age as she needed the milk. However, the settling by herself was perfected from about 4mo (amazingly she worked it out all by herself, no cc or anything - very lucky parents!). IMO you need to treat these two things different, ie. settling alone and night wakings. You can only tackle the latter once they're eating lots in the day, other than milk, imo. [ofcourse with my first, ds, well that's another (nightmare!) story!!]

Let us know how last night went

btw, dd got stuck lots when she had learnt to roll over and the night wakings did increase more for a few weeks before she learnt how to pull her legs in and onto her knees ~7mo. Do you use a cot bumper or have soft toys you can line the edges with?

Hay! Nights have been a bit rubbish - but somehow I have cheered up about it! Getting up for the zillionth time has suddenly become kind of funny! (weird - I know!). I have ordered the baby whisperer book in case she can help! I don't mind the feeds - it's the 1 hour later "I'm awake and I want cuddles back to sleep" that I would like to fix. Hopefully as you say, with some food sitting in his tum all night he may be a bit more settled anyway - time will tell. Thanks for listening - I was a little concerned about my mental health last week! ALl your suggestions have been appreciated! Weaning officially begins next week, and then we will reconsider xxx

99RB - Thanks for your experiences! COmforting to know that someone else had troubles but their kids have turned out alright!

Good luck with the weaning - the [messy] joys to come! I'm sure things will improve soon enough for you both.