Very high-need baby how to help get to sleep once too heavy to rock (sorry long and complicated)?

[bumbleweed]

I have a very high-need dd who is now 9 months and has always struggled to get herself off to sleep. We have always used a combination of rocking, singing, breast-feeding her to sleep with lesser and greater degrees of success over the last 9 months.

About a month ago she stopped going to sleep on a feed, and we started using the sling to rock her to sleep. But she's just to heavy now and it pulls on my shoulders, and its no good on an evening when I am tired or really at any time anymore. We also have a hug-a-bub sling which doesnt pull on shoulders but I cant get her out of it without shaking her around and waking her up.

I dont believe in controlled crying or any form of crying which involves leaving dd.

I think she wants to be able to go to sleep other ways but cant - she fights in my arms when I try to rock her on my shoulder, bites my arms and neck, nips me, struggles to be on the floor or bed, but then wants to be up again, refused to feed then asks to feed, but bites my nipple. Tries to crawl off the edge of the bed, alternately crying and smiling.

I decided I would try to teach her to go to sleep in my arms but with me sitting down so less tiring for me, but a transition. She just does all of the above fussing, and it takes hours and hours for her to tire herself to the degree that she asks to feed.

We tried lying her down on our bed, and cuddling up next to her and soothing her to sleep lying down, so at least she was crying but with one of us cuddling her. But she has never been able to just lie down and go to sleep and has never slept in our bed, so I think she confuses it with play time which we often do on the big bed.

I am so confused and at wits end. I even tried just keeping her up later on an evening until she was tired enough to just feed to sleep (previous post about a month ago) but she just got over tired and so fussy the evening was horrible for all.

I just want an idea if I am giving her mixed messages - should I stick to trying to settle her in my arms sitting down, or keep trying with lying on the bed, or should I just lay her in her cot and stay with her trying to soothe her over the bars while she cries?

bumbleweed, I used to worry about how I'd cope givent hat DS used to have naps right across most playgroups etc.

not sure how old your DC is but I found that getting his naps at regular times, in his own cot made a massive difference to his overall behaviuor and mood - and how well he slept at night!

From 9-13 months he was on two naps a day, 9-10am and 12.30-2.30pm. Then we cut down his morning nap and finally dropped it so now at 15 months he naps 12-2. I go out to playgroups etc in the morning and save the afternoon after 2.30pm for walks in the park/ swimming etc. Before that I sued to go to 2nd half of palygroups - so if they were on 9-11ish I'd wake him 15 minutes earyl and go straight out at 9.50am, we'd get to palygroup for 10/10.15am and I foudn that actually at 9mth 30-45 mins was enough for him.

I think for the sake of a year it is worth just learning to say 'no - sorry thats DC's naptime if you get invited to stuff' even now I wont' mess with his nap - he needs it and its not fair to make him tired and unhappy just cos mom wants to go out at 1pm!

Hi riab, thanks for trying to help and for telling me all about your experience and what helped you with your ds

I think maybe you missed some of the info I gave in earlier posts tho. We already have a good bed-time routine, she is not interested in a comfort object, she uses a sleeping bag, we have tried the baby whisperer methods, 2-3 hours of naps a day is a dream as she just doesnt stay asleep for more than half an hour no matter what.

I do realise there are mixed messages though - that was my original question - about whether I want her to sleep in my arms, next to me on the bed, or in her cot.

If I want to reestablish regular nap-times (which we did have before she stopped bfing to sleep) I need to work on where I want them to be.

Cheers for all the advice and support guys. Going to talk to dh and formulate a plan, so will finish this thread now.

Thanks