Too early to cry it out?

[NewParents20]

My baby is now over 3 weeks old and I've started the cry it out routine for her.

My bf is dead against it, but the only way she'll sleep is if we hold her. In the long run I think we'll get more sleep, and so will our baby.

My bf is getting really annoyed with the crying and angry with me.

I wrote the same post when our pfb ds was seven months old and got the same aghast replies. I was horrified and hurt. But three weeks old?

If you are ready and head strong enough to commit to it, then go for it.

But you must be committed, don't back track.

But you must also know that you are giving up all those precious newborn snuggles. You may well have circumstances that mean that this is how it has to be. But if not, pick up your baby and snuggle your baby to sleep.

OP do what you you feel - trust your instinct, i think you have laready by starting this thread to question acting on the advice you have followed.

Oh dear God OP please cuddle your baby! They have spent 9 months inside you and don't even know where they are yet. I don't know where you have read about CIO or who has suggested it but it is not appropriate for tiny babies.

Babies for at least the first 6/12 weeks don't really go to bed at bedtime, they feed and sleep around the clock and don't really know what night and day is. Please get some support from family, friends or an HV and take care of yourself and your new baby

YABU.

My mother has advanced dementia, zero cognitive function, immuno-deficiency and has been moved to an isolated room where she can pass away, theory being that the breathing of others will interfere with the dying process.

Why you would wish to deny your newborn the chance to regulate temperature and breathing by being in the room with others you I do not know.

I do not know

Has the OP said the baby is in another room?

I don't agree with cio at any age, but yes, 3 weeks is definitely too young. Google 4th trimester and enjoy your long cuddles.

Congratulations on your new baby

Some of the posts here are disgusting, you should honestly feel ashamed of yourself. Please just back off the OP. She is meant to be able to post here to get advice not to have the condescending sigh of judgement poured over her for daring to ASK for advice.

Well done OP for being brave enough to post. Thanks to all those that actually gave the OP some decent advice. OP you know what the right thing to do now, hopefully things will ease up with the boyfriend. First few weeks are no doubt very tiring and sleep deprived!

Regardless of whether people think the OP's question is "real" or not, the replies will no doubt help other lurkers or those who had the same question.

I think a bit of it is shock posting... what I wrote wasn't what I first typed out.

I can't see why it would take be real.. old fashioned advice is still out there. I know people who think putting rusk in bottles is the done thing.

Its ok to know what your babies different cries sound like, you dont need to rush to her side super quick its not evil to wait a minute, listen and find out if she needs you or if shes practicing a self sooth and you would be desturbing it.
But CIO im not in agreement with that means ignoring her needs. Waiting a minute is identifying what her needs are before rushing in.
I used to listen to my ds at that age and hes self sooth was very distinctive to me quite quickly, so because he got to practice this he was able to put himself back to sleep in the night when he woke up between sleep cycles.

mygoodparenting.com/2011/06/09/understanding-the-mantra-cry/

I can't abide this method it's like torture to me, I still jump the second I hear dd3 20 months cry and this can be up to 6 times a night. why oh why would you leave a baby and such a precious new born at that cry? the sound of a baby crying is heart retching to me instinct surly makes you want to comfort them as quickly as possible.

you jump up 6 times a night to your 20 month old

I wait she often crys out or murmurs for a minute then goes back over to sleep. If she persists or gets louder I goto her.

No wonder some children dont sleep through the night

she doesn't go back to sleep umless I go in, she is pampered to on a ridiculous scale and we are now realising we have made a rod for our own backs but I still could never leave her to cry

I knew nothing about looking after babies when I had my first. I did however know they cried a lot, so it didn't surprise or distress me when he did.

Knowing I knew nothing, and had no contacts with any other mothers, I used a Johnson babycare book as my bible. It DEFINITELY recommended leaving to cry for timed periods. I have no idea whether this is CIO or CC, I've only heard those terms since being on here. I also don't recall it saying an age to do this. I don't remember when I started this, but I recall specifically doing it around firework night, so ds would have been about 6 weeks. This occasion, my mother was present, and she was fine with it.

Maybe I did things wrong, maybe research shows there are better ways to do things, and I risked harm. But I knew no better and ds appears to be a perfectly normal 17yo now. My other 2 children are also fine. You just do what you know and seems right. It's only since coming on here, that I had any inkling I did anything 'wrong'.

Sorry OP I must have imagined the baby was in a different room Hope you get some useful advice

There is no such thing as a cry it out routine for a 3 week old. Even the advocates of tougher approaches, like Gina Ford, do not advocate this approach so early on.

The reason that your partner is having an emotional reaponse likw anger is because it is ingrained in us to respond to our small babies. Personally I think that in the forst couple of months you just need to cuddle and go with the flow, but if you are desperate for a more structured approach, at least read something like Gina Ford, the Sleep Fairy or for something a little more flexible, the Baby Whisperer. They will all give you some of the routine you might be looking for without risking harm for your baby.

If this is genuine, please do contact your HV for more support, you and your baby both deserve care and there is plenty out there to get you though this difficult time.

3 weeks is too young! She's just adjusting to life on the outside, it's perfectly natural for her to want you to hold her and stay near, it's part of her survival instinct!

Just go with the flow for now and reevaluate in a few months. You'll be surprised how much they change in just a few short months xx

Annoyed with the crying? That says it all. Talk to your health visitor immediately and until then do not leave your baby to cry, this is basic. If your instinct says no to anything then don't do it. I would be amazed if your instinct didn't say no to this. Tell your boyfriend to do one until he can be useful.

I remember quite well DS at three weeks old. I remember feeling that he'd been in my life forever, I'd sometimes quite forget how tiny he was, being in the thick of it. When people would comment on how small and beautiful he was I'd be confused, how could they think he was tiny?! He's three weeks old fgs.

The exhaustion and the rapid changes that occur in your life skew your perception of reality a bit, imo. (Or maybe it was just me, I don't know)

But please, 3 weeks IS tiny. It's so, so small. Your baby doesn't even realise she's been born yet, she's using the instinct to cry because apart from being able to suck and swallow it's the only thing that they're 'given' at birth to enable them to survive. You can't ignore a newborn's cry, you're programmed not to, there's always a reason for it. And yes, cuddling and being close to you is a reason! It's vital she gets close contact with you.

leave the op alone some of you are making her out to be a monster who has dumped her baby in a cot to scream the place down,

op you do not need to hold your baby to get baby to sleep you can put it down and letting them cry for a few minutes will not harm them all babies cry it is a natural thing , saying that please don't leave your baby to cry for long it will do them no good try and judge it your baby does not know night and day your baby is 3 weeks old dont leave her to cio but it is ok for her to cry for a few minutes to see if she will settle on her own

Hello everyone,

Thank you to those who brought this thread to our attention. We'd like to remind you of our rules about troll hunting.

We're going to move this to the Sleep topic as we think it's the most appropriate place - we hope you get some useful answers OP.