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Original poster

Too early to cry it out?

96 replies

NewParents20 · 01/11/2013 20:50

My baby is now over 3 weeks old and I've started the cry it out routine for her.

My bf is dead against it, but the only way she'll sleep is if we hold her. In the long run I think we'll get more sleep, and so will our baby.

My bf is getting really annoyed with the crying and angry with me.

OP posts:
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ringaringarosy · 01/11/2013 21:25

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Strumpetron · 01/11/2013 21:25

Barbaric

Hmm

The OP has just said she feels terrible. She's obviously been misinformed. This isn't going to help.

IamInvisible · 01/11/2013 21:26

Lovey, being a new mum is really hard. Babies cry, some times for no reason, but at 3 weeks old you can't just leave her. Picking her up and giving her a cuddle is more likely to get her to stop crying than leaving her to cry.

At 3 weeks my DC went through a growth spurt, so even if you've just fed her she might still be hungry. Your partner should be helping you too. Don't beat yourself up for asking the question, you haven't done anything wrong. It would be much, much easier if they came with a booklet but they don't.

Give her a cuddle, and don't stress. It does get easier.

peachypips · 01/11/2013 21:27

I think some of these responses are harsh to a brand new mum. Poor woman- she was asking advice and gets this in response.
Yes, it is not right to leave the little one to cry, but to accuse her of not loving her baby is wrong and could send OP into a spiral of self-hatred. If there is a chance she is a real mum we need to help her out.

OP- I wouldn't leave LO to cry as she is crying in the night because she is lonely/cold/wants attachment/hungry. When she gets to around 12 weeks she will be more settled by herself without the need for CIO. She will still wake but be easier to settle.

Then, when she is six months, she will get a bit more settled again. All this hard night bit is quite short, and even if she does wake in the night a bit more long term it will be very quick get ups more than likely.

Hope you are coping ok.

MommyBird · 01/11/2013 21:28

Babies don't sleep..did you know that before having a baby?

I have an 11 week old. Been up 4/5 times a night and then we get up from 4:30am onwards.
Im living off coffee.

She crys to tell you theres something she wants!

bababababoom · 01/11/2013 21:28

Hey, this is the WRONG place to be looking for advice - people who think "nobody could possibly think this...nobody would advise this..." are up their own arses and can't consider that anybody comes from a background different from their own.

My advice - have a chat to your health visitor, find a nice friendly group where you can get support from other mums (health vistor will be able to suggest one) - go to the Childrens Centre if there's one nearby - and get meeting other mums and babies. You'll get a support network for yourself and an idea of what to expect from babies at what stage etc etc - it's always comforting to know there are others in the same boat. And don't beat yourself up, give your baby a cuddle and enjoy her.

Shockedmum75 · 01/11/2013 21:28

Little harsh there draws. Op has admitted she thought she was doing the right thing.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 01/11/2013 21:28

Even when she does learn to sleep better she will go through growth spurts where she'll start waking again. She'll just be hungry, don't leave her to cry then either. Add teething, illness to the mix and its a whole world of sleepless nights!

Strumpetron · 01/11/2013 21:29

I honestly raise a glass to mums. I only looked after my god daughter for a few hours the other day and my word. She sleeps straight through at time time, but in the day Shock

I don't think I've ever been up down, up down, rocky rocky, shushy shushy in my life. Got her settled in the conservatory because she liked looking at the sky (or rather the light), but that didn't last long. Ended up with cramp in my leg because she'd only rest when I had her lied on my knee with me moving it side to side FOR TWO HOURS.

OP you've been given fab advice, it's very early days yet and it will get better! The women on here will help you, you're not alone. x

peachypips · 01/11/2013 21:32

Btw try and block out some of the posters above and just look at the ones offering you concrete advice. This always happens on AIBU- it's not just you!

AllThatGlistens · 01/11/2013 21:36

Even if OP doesn't come back to this, if you're reading, please think about the advice offered, I think a lot of posters (myself included) react/ post instinctively.

You had already questioned your strategy by coming on here, so perhaps weren't sure if this was the best way to deal with the situation?

I hope you have a great support network and can rest as much as possible whilst still meeting your babies needs. It really is important that they feel comforted and secure.

Good luck Flowers

FruPigalopp · 01/11/2013 21:38

OP I have a 4 mo sleeping like af dream in her cot right now.
She didn't much like to fall asleep during her first 3 months, especially the evenings were tough, and she would only fall asleep, after "much ado about apparently nothing", wrapped in her blanket in my arms, but the last 4 weeks she has fallen asleep in her cot with no fuss at all.
Controlled crying or whatever you choose to call it, is not a good idea, and certainly has no place with a baby as young as 8 weeks.
Your BF is angry about the crying, I hope he's mostly frustrated which everyone would be. Especially if he is prohibited from doing anything about it.
She has a need that is not being met, one way or the other, and she is in no way being manipulative, and is certainly not old enough to "figure it out". She needs to be picked up and held untill her needs are figured out. Please don't listen to anyone who tells you that you are spoiling the baby by responding when she is crying

PollyIndia · 01/11/2013 21:47

Get a sling. My baby wasn't a fan if napping anywhere in the early days, but 5 mins in a sling and he would be out like a light. I popped him in every 90 minutes and then after about 6 weeks he felt happy and secure enough to go into the pram to sleep.
I am also not a fan of controlled crying. Having a baby means you get less sleep - just one of the sacrifices you make. They all get it eventually if you are patient and consistent, I am sure of that.
Ask for some help. It is very hard when they cry.

ringaringarosy · 01/11/2013 22:34

none of mine cried for no reason,if a baby cries and then stps when you pick it up,its because it wants you,thats a reason.babies dont just cry for no reason.

Strumpetron · 01/11/2013 22:36

none of mine cried for no reason,if a baby cries and then stps when you pick it up,its because it wants you,thats a reason.babies dont just cry for no reason

Not trying to contradict you but colic is often blamed for babies crying, and the definition of colic is 'uncontrollable crying' or 'episodes of crying for more than three hours a day for more than three days a week for three weeks' and no-one has yet discovered a reason for it.

I always thought it was a stomach thing, but apparently no-one knows what it really is

ScariestFairyByFar · 01/11/2013 22:38

Please please please do not do this. Also please read this article --babycalmblog.com/2012/07/06/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-is-only-happy-in-your-arms-30/--

ScariestFairyByFar · 01/11/2013 22:39

Oops sorry that shouldn't have been scored out not sure how to link on phone babycalmblog.com/2012/07/06/the-fourth-trimester-aka-why-your-newborn-is-only-happy-in-your-arms-30/

Calloh · 01/11/2013 22:45

OP, tea, flowers, wine and hugs to you.

Don't worry, you haven't fucked anything up. You're just learning like all the rest of us all the time. Sleep gets easier gradually and everything tends to get easier from about six weeks.

Give her a cuddle and eventually you'll work out what works best for you all. And don't worry about crying it out, controlled crying and the like until much later.

But equally if you feel ever that you are losing it a bit (and the crying can be too much sometimes), do go somewhere else for a few minutes, put the kettle on or something and then get back into it.

I'm sure you are doing fine and you want what is best for your family but, as others have said, three weeks is too young.

DoctorRobert · 01/11/2013 22:58

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Retroformica · 01/11/2013 23:16

Are you mad? Baby will find it really scary he's only just got out if your womb and needs his mummy to make him feel secure.

Retroformica · 01/11/2013 23:17

Sling and cosleep if you can

Shallistopnow · 01/11/2013 23:24

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Strumpetron · 01/11/2013 23:26

Getting really tired of this troll/journo hunting stuff now. If you think so, why don't you report it and do it quietly? Let Mumsnet investigate and see. Instead of potentially alienating a genuine poster.

Cantthinkofafrigginname · 01/11/2013 23:27

Have a read about the 4th trimester.

Enjoy the cuddles and cherish these first months. Before you know it, they'll be gone.

feelingood · 01/11/2013 23:32

crikey - ive only just started getting tough with crying and my DD is 21 months - we dont go longer than 2 minutes if she is obviously distressed. that is far too young at that age its food or comfort they need not because they want to stay up to mess about.