Am I setting myself up for problems? Conflicting advice from HV

[cogitosum]

HV suggests all naps should be lying in crib/Moses basket in dark silent room and babies under a year should go down for the night at 6pm alone in their room.

I'm quite happy with my ds's sleep at the moment. He's 11 weeks and breastfed. He has around 4 naps a day mostly in the sling but sometimes if I'm tired we'll go to bed together in the afternoon. He goes into his crib at night (it's a co-sleeper) when I go to bed (normally around 10pm) and on a good night will go til 5am for a feed (maybe waking once in between but easy to settle with a dummy). once he wakes at 5 he'll be really restless til we get up at 7.30. He'll sleep but keep waking and feed on and off so I usually keep him in bed and don't properly sleep just snooze.

I'm really happy with this bit now worried that he's going to bed too late and I'm setting myself up for problems later. Also that he'll only settle in the sling at daytime.

However I'm not sure I agree with HV (but she's the expert) but didn't want to argue or disagree so thought I'd ask here instead!

Firstly how does this advice work with SIDS guidelines about the baby sleeping in the same room as you including for daytime naps. Is this just me being over anxious or should she not be advising to disregard this? (which she basically did).

Secondly If I put him to bed at 6 this would mean the bulk of his long sleep would be when I'm awake which seems a waste! But I'm worried I'm setting myself up for problems later down the line with this.

Thirdly I'd heard somewhere ( I'm not sure where) that it's better to keep noise and light as normal during the day so they learn that daytime is for short naps and nighttime is for bed and long sleep. This works for me as it's very handy to have him in the sling and get on with my day!

I know it's likely to change anyway at 4 months sleep regression but I'm happy at the moment so is it worth trying to implement HV advice? I think I'd be too scared to leave him in a room alone so this would mean me lying in the dark with him

I really wish there was a face palm emoticon for health visitor "advice". There's absolutely nothing wrong with what you're doing. In fact I'm envious at the stretches of sleep your baby is having!

A 10pm bedtime is ok at this age. It tends to get earlier as they get older and are more active during the day - crawling etc - and start dropping naps. If it's not broken don't fix it!

hvs have caused no end of stress and anxiety for me except for the only one I can work out did actually breast feed and she's now left.

visit www.isisonline.org.uk/, scour it for info and just smile and nod and see doctors for anything else that is actually concerning you. if it's not a problem don't worry, enjoy your baby you're doing brilliantly

you could if you want to start introducing a simple 'bed time routine' ie an order of predictable events that signal 'bed time' and then when lo is older and you feel the time is right/ lo needs more sleep you can start moving the time this happens to earlier in the evening. the key is the difference between a 'routine' and a 'schedule' - the latter is time linked.

http://evolutionaryparenting.com/routines-vs-schedules/

evolutionaryparenting.com/routines-vs-schedules/

"She's the expert" ... uuuuuhmmmmmm no she's not. She's an interfering muppet :)

oh and yes you're right about the slings! there's a book called babycalming which explains a lot of that sort of science sleep stuff, day time etc.

Well done! 1) your routine sounds fab 2) you are happy with it so it must be the right thing to do.

I agree with the poster who said smile, nod and go to your GP for anything that you might actually be concerned about. That's exactly what I did with my DD following some shocking and inconsistent advice that made me feel like a very bad mother. And I didn't go back. I did the bear minimum with DS, and have built a great relationship with both my GPs who know my children well now.

"She's the expert"

No. you are the expert on your child and what is working for you.

A combination of the GF book and HV advice almost sent me into a severe depression with DS 2 when he wouldnt 'conform' to their ideals.

I now have DD (DC3) and am developing my own 'routine' based on what appears to be working well so far.

You sound reasonably happy with how things are at the moment. What is to be gained from changing and forcing your DS into a routine?

I did the bear minimum HV appts with DS, and instead have built a great relationship with both my GPs who know my children well now

that reads better the other sentence sounded like I generally did fuck all with my DS.

If it helps, my child only had one nap, refused to sleep in the evening until midnight, despite our best efforts, but now at 2.5 she sleeps through for 12-13 hours.

Your routine sounds fine and more importantly it works for all of you.

The best bit of advice about parenthood I ever got was "it's only a problem if it's a problem for YOU". As long as you and your little one are happy & healthy with what you're doing, why change it?

A gentle bedtime routine can be useful just so they learn to associate certain things with sleep. We also put DD down later in the evenings initially as it meant only one middle of the night sleep disturbance. We gradually just moved her bedtime forwards to where we wanted it over the course of a few months.

I know of one HV who advised leaving babies to cry, to the point of throwing up through sheer distress. She said that if that happened, you should clean it up but not comfort the baby So no, they don't know much more than anyone else - quite a bit less in many cases.

Doesn't it go against SIDS advice to put them down alone?

Op you are doing great!!

Just re-read my post - sounds like I'm advocating letting your kids do anything they like as long as it doesn't affect you! What I actually meant was for things like feeding/cuddling to sleep etc that some people will say is making a rod for your back in the future. Don't just go changing things that are working for you just because so&so says you should.

My baby is 11 weeks, he sleeps in a bean bag during the day, but sometimes if he's tired and refusing to sleep, I let him sleep on my shoulder or in his sling. He goes to bed in his cot anytime between 10 and midnight, when I do. He wakes for a feed between 3-5am then sleeps till 8/9. So what you are doing sounds fine to me.
My hv is actually ok but what you are being advised, sounds mental so see of you can get another one or just don't go.
It really worries me that there seems to be no set rules hvs go by.
Some people will follow what these "experts" are telling them and in some cases could end up with very unhappy mums and babies.
Do what works for you.
Babies aren't manipulative, you can't really make them do things, they might just give up thou. And ignore all rod for your own back comments, I slept on my mums shoulder during the day, co slept at night and breast fed till past 1, in the 80s. I haven't required any of these things since then. Lol

I wouldn't imagine so, he won't be doing it when he's 16 will he?

Thanks all. I thought it was going ok was just worried about future problems. I should learn not to pay attention to this HV - she told me at 6 weeks that ds was too attached. I think she was annoyed as she'd told us all that babies using slings would never settle at night and I told her ds was fairly settled.

We do have a bedtime routine of sorts. He has his last nap about 6.30 - 8 then he feeds and plays downstairs for a bit with dh then sometimes bath etc then at half 9 we go into the bedroom with dim lights and play harp music on this sheep thing we have and change nappy, put pjs on then feed in our bed before putting him into co-sleeper when he's half asleep.

Thanks all. I thought it was going ok was just worried about future problems. I should learn not to pay attention to this HV - she told me at 6 weeks that ds was too attached. I think she was annoyed as she'd told us all that babies using slings would never settle at night and I told her ds was fairly settled.

We do have a bedtime routine of sorts. He has his last nap about 6.30 - 8 then he feeds and plays downstairs for a bit with dh then sometimes bath etc then at half 9 we go into the bedroom with dim lights and play harp music on this sheep thing we have and change nappy, put pjs on then feed in our bed before putting him into co-sleeper when he's half asleep.

Your HV is actively going against SIDS advice, which is a bit worrying.

6pm is an insanely early bedtime, unless your child actually wants to go to bed at that time. My DS would never be ready for bed then, he's now four and half seven seems to suit him just fine. Even CBeebies doesn't shut off till 7!

Too attached at 6 weeks???? CHRIST alive, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. OP, she's a muppet.

Thank you for the link clarella. Very interesting and reassuring.

It's a shame as the HV who came to the house was lovely but this one runs the class thing in our area for babies born in July

I think the idea behind a baby sleeping in a dark quiet room is so the baby can get into a proper deep sleep during nap times rather than getting into the habit of cat napping which can result in a baby that is over tired in the evenings.

I personally put my babies to sleep (day and night) in their cots upstairs from around 7 week old. Do what suits your OP.

Thank you for the link clarella. Very interesting and reassuring.

It's a shame as the HV who came to the house was lovely but this one runs the class thing in our area for babies born in July

I would hate to be tied to the house with a baby who needed to nap in a dark quiet room. Bonkers advice!

Sorry for repeated double posts.