6 month old night waking - cant cope

[washngo]

My 6 month old wakes 3,4 or 5 times a night. Every time she wakes she wants to be fed (bf). However, feeding does not always settle her. She can be awake and crying, either in her cot, in my arms being rocked, whatever I do she keeps crying.

I am at the end of my tether. I have a 5 yo and a 3 yo, when they were babies they had the occasional night like this, but this is every night (for at least 2 months) I am grumpy with my older children, I am so tired I don't even feel safe to drive. My relationship with dh is really suffering due to my tiredness because I'm snappy and unpleasant towards him and moany about the tiredness.

I feel like I have to do something, because I cannot go on like this. But I can't see a solution. I've tried not feeding her, and just comforting her with cuddles, rocking, a dummy, but she screams and screams and does not give up. Last night I lasted 1 hour trying to comfort her with pick up put down type methods before I caved and fed her.

Please help me - I am worried this lack of sleep will destroy my relationships with the rest of my family :(

[CoteDAzur]

"This is what worked for us. My baby is almost a year and still wakes multiple times during the night"

Gosh. 8 months on and still none of you are sleeping through the night? If that were me, I wouldn't have considered that as having worked terribly well.

Maybe it's time you stopped picking her up when she cries in the night?

This reminds me of our experience with DS. I stopped breastfeeding him in the night at 5 months. DH took over managing the night wakings, thinking it would take a few nights like it did with DD. A month later, DS was still waking up several times every night and DH was a broken man.

Then DH went on an overnight business trip and DS slept through for the 1st time, probably because I'm much harder to rouse from sleep than DH - whinging would not wake me up, only full blown crying would. DS has slept through the night like a log ever since that night, bar the occasional illness.

So in short, my advice would be to leave them to it for a few minutes before you go to them, and then try to get away with it doing just pat/shh rather than picking them up every time.

[ThisIsMeNow]

I think you have to do what works for you. Not all babies sleep through the night from 12 weeks and that doesn't mean we are failing as parents. My dd needs feeding in the night if she is teething, unwell or having a growth spurt. I personally couldn't just leave her to cry so I will get up once or twice to feed her. We have co slept when we needed to. I do not feel I am a bad parent or have failed when I do this.

[Christelle2207]

My baby is only 2 months and a similar story though it's probably a bit early to train him. What keeps me sane however is 1. Co-sleeping and 2. Having one night off a week ( go to spare room) where dh looks after and feeds combination of formula and expressed milk.
BTW my baby definitely settles and sleeps better after a formula feed.
Your dh needs a good talking to.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Cote, that is a fair point and I would agree that only going in when it escalates to full crying can really help and that is what we do.
I do slightly resent your implication that all babies this age should be sleeping through the night and if they aren't, the parents are doing something wrong. In my less confident moments I really don't need anyone else to make me feel like a failure. In my more confident moment I know that my technique has improved my baby's ability to settle herself and yes, I think that is a huge improvement. Do I think there is anything I can do to stop her waking at all? No, I absolutely don't. I have to seek comfort in the small elements I can change and not blame myself for the ones I cannot. I would suggest the OP do the same.

[CoteDAzur]

What I implied wasn't that you have failed as a parent but that personally I wouldn't say that a method has "worked", if after 8 months of it, a child is still not sleeping through the night.

In your place, again personally, I would not consider this situation something I can't change but wonder if there is anything I can change in my method.

I suggested not picking her up when she cries in the night but I'm sure there could be other (better) suggestions.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Have you tried cutting out the evening meal altogether? She's only little she doesn't need three meals a day , it could be upsetting her tummy and filling her up too much with empty calories. Replace with an extra bf or two. Might not help but it's with a try. The milk will be easier on her tummy and help fill her up and provide the calories and energy.

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Sorry if I seem oversensitive- sleep deprivation will do that!
To clarify- yes, we have had 8 months of regular waking. But initially every one of those wakes required us to go in and resettle her by feeding or cuddling or rocking every time. Just a month ago, we started the technique I described and now for the majority of the wakes, she resettles herself without us even entering the room. If we do enter the room, we go in, pick her up and put her straight back down (because she is always standing) and walk straight out again. So while not perfect, this is an enormous improvement as we have essentially gone from her being unable to be in her cot without one of us present to being able to settle herself to sleep alone. In that respect, this method has worked for us.

[washngo]

Well, last night dd slept til 1am, bit of cuddling and awake about 45 mins then slept through til morning! Crossing fingers, touching wood and hoping this will last!

[GuybrushThreepwoodMP]

Sounds really good! Well done.

[washngo]

Thank you! And thank you all for your help...remains to be seen whether it will go as well tonight.

[emeraldgirl1]

Nothing practical to add OP except to say you must be exhausted and I admire you so much!!
Been having it pretty hard with DD who is also 6m though not bf.
Get quite depressed when I hear about babies who sleep thru the night at 8w etc... Feel as if I'm doing everything wrong but am trying my hardest!

Really relly hoping it gets better for you x

[Jo1984uk]

Washngo glad things have got a bit better and you are enjoying more sleep!

My dd is 6 months tomorrow and sounds similar to your little one. She slept through from 9 weeks, but has gradually added more night feeds to she is now waking for at least 4 night feeds. Also drinking a lot less milk in the day.. We have only just started solids though so hopefully introducing breakfast and lunch might change things but we'll see!

[CoteDAzur]

How did you do last night?

[washngo]

Same again thanks cote - fair bit of crying at 1am but no feeding, back to sleep after 45 mins or so, then slept til 7.45. Thank you for your advice, I think I just needed someone to tell me that not feeding her in the night would be ok!

[CoteDAzur]

It will be fine, you will see. Then you can come back on these threads and tell desperate mums that cutting night feeds at 6 months is perfectly fine

[Kizduf]

Hello I'm a bit new to all of this but like washngo my baby wakes up 5 times a night. He is baby number 4 but my other all slept very well. How did you go with the no feeding at night ? Did it work? I just feed my little boy so he doesn't wake the other children up, he screams until he is fed, cuddling rocking putting a dummy in doesn't work. Please help!!!!

[Ttbb]

Is she teething?

[crazycatlady5]

This is a very old thread - how old is baby Kizduf?

[Timetogrowup2016]

zombie thread

[Kizduf]

6 months. It is an old thread but sums my little man up at night. We have a good routine in the day, 2 naps and he goes down at 7 but from 11 or midnight he just cries feeds sleeps

[crazycatlady5]

It's really normal @Kizduf - I'm actually surprised at the amount of night weaning advice on this even though it's a few years ago. They're still really tiny and rely a lot on milk. For thirst, hunger, comfort. Lots of things. Exhausting! But I know how you feel x