bedtime for 4mth baby without crying???

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

hi, we have a good bedtime routine for my 4mth old baby and he goes to sleep if I bf him BUT then he's awake 40 mins later. Sometimes randomly he stays asleep for 2 hrs though.

It's such a pain resettling him. I don't get an evening. I'm trying to put him down awake with a musical lightshow but he just cries. I don't really want to go through a bedtime of crying. Is there any way to get an evening without him crying?

4 months is still really little and I am not one for letting them cry. The book 'teach your child to sleep' has some fantastic options for encouraging good sleep habits. We personally did the gradual retreat method with all of ours but found it was not really effective until a bit older. They change their routine so often at this young age that it can be hard.

hi Loris, thanks, you're right, 4 mths is still very little, it's hard to get perspective sometimes! We tried gradual retreat with our older daughter, I found it very hard going. We do actually have the Millpond book somewhere, thanks for the reminder, I'll dig it out.

He's four months old - of course you don't get an evening! I think you're expecting a bit much from this tiny person who is still learning he's not actually part of you.

Pinky mckay's book is worth reading. I think it's called Sleep Like A Baby.

Read Andrea Graces & Susan Pantleys books. They both explain about baby sleep cycles, which helps understand why baby wakes after 40 mins. Basically as the baby cycles into light sleep they semi wake & are startled not to find themselves in the same place as where they fell asleep ie. Your arms, so they wake. The idea is to put them down in their cot sleepy but awake. I know that sounds impossible!

This worked for my ds at 4 & a bit months, but it took lots of patience & time. After night feeds I put him down when full & sleepy (cot nxt to my bed) & sshhed & told him sleepy time. I had my hands on his tummy the whole time. If he did his moany cry I didn't pick up, just carried on sshhing, but if he properly cried I gave him a hug (can't do CIO etc). It took ages ie. An hr initially, but eventually he fell asleep. Then I started doing it at bedtime too; again it took an hour initially, then got shorter & shorter. Just sshh & comfort the whole time, he never really cried, just fidgeted & cooed.

We also have a very set bedtime routine; bath & then bf in our room. I even sing exactly the same songs each night. We have no routine at all the rest of the day!

The whole routine took 2 hours to start with, but last night I took him up at 18:45 & was downstairs having a glass of wine by 19:30; he didn't wake till 3am!! This was utterly unheard of 2 months ago.

But you do need tons of patience & some nights I really got fed up of all the sshhing & just bf to sleep!

Ds always had a pre sleep cry/grizzle, it didn't matter what I did or didn't do. Hr never ever just nodded off even in the push chair. There's a difference between hysterical crying and a little over tired cry.

4 months is very little though as said earlier, I can't remember having much of an evening sometimes but I can remember lots of cuddles on the sofa with my feet up watching Telly

Try moving bedtime earlier - my DD is 6 m and at that age would routinely wake up 40 mins after being put down too tired. Putting her to bed earlier made a big difference. At that age I did whatever it took to resettle her and fed to sleep. We used the No Cry Sleep Solution and the past two nights I've been able to put her in her cot awake and she's drifted off calmly to sleep. Took weeks to get there but no crying and she does 5-6 he stretches.

Hi jackanory I've got both those books! We used Andrea Grace with DD when I was losing my mind with sleep deprivation after a very stressful early time with DD. Thankfully I'm nowhere near that low now, so I didn't want to go down the crying route. But I can maybe eat my dinner early and then stay with him til he goes to sleep rather than bf him.

thanks docsarah, that's interesting. I will try an earlier bedtime, if I can get older DD to stay out of the bedroom! I tend to wait until DH gets home at 6.30pm, then we put them both to bed around 7, but I might have to go it alone. I'd be happy with 5-6 hr stretches of sleep!

valium, we spent the first 3 months watching TV with him sleeping on my lap in the evenings, it was certainly more relaxing but I think it's time for a bedtime routine. DD was getting jealous and not going to bed because she could see DS in the living room with us. That presents a whole different layer of stress for us, especially as she's just started school and needs to get an early bedtime herself!

jackanory I think patience is the key and I'm in short supply! But a glass of wine sounds heavenly, I might be able to summon up some patience for a tangible reward!!

At that age my ds didn't go to bed properly until around 10-11pm. He would then sleep for 5-6 hours but up til then he would nap but not for long. I think you need to adjust your expectations somewhat.