15 month old STILL waking every hour

[baddyfreckleface]

Probably not the best time to write this as I have so far had about two hours sleep.

Basically dd has never slept well. We co-slept when she was tiny and I would do that still if it worked but she wriggles so much, head butts, climbs on top of us etc. I think she sleeps as badly as we do in our bed.

So far tonight she went to bed at 7.30, then woke crying at 10.30, 12, 1.45, 2.15, 3.25, 3.35 and its now 4.

We have tried gradual withdrawal, co sleeping, shush/pat, a wussy version of cc at (that one just at bedtime so far, not in the night)

She has a bed time routine, very calm etc. We can sometimes walk out while she is not quite asleep and she will settle. Usually though I stand in the doorway now, and she goes to sleep.

She will sleep until my eyes close (honestly!). When she wakes in the night I have tried not to go in immediately but she has never settled herself. She cries until I open the door then head goes down and if I stay in the room she usually is back to sleep within ten mins without me saying/doing anything.

When it gets to about four she then seems less sleepy and we have crying, standing in cot etc for about 1-1.30 when she finally goes back to sleep till about six.

I am desperate and seriously knackered! I also have a 4 year old and she has bad dreams and is easily disturbed so am on edge all night. I hate night time now. An hours sleep at a time is like torture sometimes.

So sorry it's so long, just wanted to cover as mug as possible. And it is 4am!

You sound desperate and I'm not surprised. A good night's sleep is needed all round, but I don't think you'll get it by chopping and changing what you do. Your DD needs to learn to sleep by herself - and to go back to sleep when she wakes in the night and by changing your response to her waking, you're just confusing her. Decide how you're going to handle the issue and stick to your plan for at least a week to see if it works. I would recommend controlled crying because it's worked for me, but if you break down and pick her up even once, you'll be back to square one! If you can't face this, you might consider having her in your room, but not in your bed and see if that's better. There's some really good advice in the MN baby pages that may help. Good luck!

I sympathise. We had a very similar thing with DS. I agree with the previous poster about sticking to one thing. We got millpond involved in the end as we were all over the place.

What I would say is that Seeing you is her prop. Be it in the doorway, her room or whatever, she needs that to go back to sleep. We did (very) gradual withdrawal but didn't really see any improvements on wake up (the crying lessened/stopped) until we were out of sight. Now he can drop back off without seeing one if us, he wakes far less and even sleeps through some nights.

Thank you both for your advice. Yes, sleep is seriously needed here!

It does sound like we have chopped and changed in my post but everything we have tried has been for at least a month at a time.
I think I am soon going to be left with no option than cc but I hate to wake my 4 year old as she is already tired a lot of the time (growing phase I think!) Dd is also a very clingy toddler with me in the day and so I don't know if cc will just stress her out more.

I would have her in our room but she shouts to come in our bed then! Although that doesn't help her to sleep. (I wish it would!)

I don't pick her up at all any more. And although she wakes often still she doesn't need anything usually than just to see me. Someone's she even stops when she hears me get to her door. But then when I wait outside the door to see if she will settle she screams even louder!

I think a lot of the waking is habit as until about a month ago she would often have stomach pains/wind in the night due to constipation. And then she would of course get comforted too.

Argh! Think I need to bite my lip and leave her to have the chance to self settle before I go in more. Even though that means tears. My other dd starts school in September and I think I need to crack it before then.

I think I will have a look at Millpond, thank you. Oh and maybe get a life size cardboard cut out of me?!

It took about 10 weeks with millpond to get to where we are now. DS is a terrible sleep for various reason (mostly health). He still wakes 2-3 times a night but I can just shh him from the door now, usually in a couple of mins.

At one point we were shhing from the door if we could, then going in if we had to, thinking this was fine. We thought at least we're not having to go in each time meant progress.
Millpond said its confusing for him and we needed to do the exact same thing each time.

I would say you could probably make progress pretty quickly from the sounds of it. Happy to give you're info if it would be useful.

Hi MoreSnowPlease, I did wonder about naps as at one point I had to trick her into a nap. However now she is (very!) active she really needs her naps and usually crashes herself around lunch time for a couple of hours.

NothingsLeft, if you wouldn't mind I would LOVE any info you have! Have just put her down, all very calm but she is now crying stood in her cot and calling me. I am stood at the door and every time I pop my head round and shush her she dives down to her sleep position but starts again within a minute of me going out of sight.
Think this will be hard work!

I think a lot of the waking is habit as until about a month ago she would often have stomach pains/wind in the night due to constipation. And then she would of course get comforted too.

Is it possible she is still getting stomach pains? What has been done about her stomach issues - has she been tested for dairy intollerance etc?

Wonderingagain - she had been on Movicol for constipation but In last couple of months she has come off it and been fine in that area. I really don't think it's her tummy now. When it was her tummy she would continue to writhe around, arch her back etc and no consoling, cuddles or rocking would help until her pains had gone. Now if I rock her she will o back to sleep. But then wake if I attempt to put her down or even just lie down with her.

I suppose it could be that she hasn't quite grown out of it yet and her tummy isn't hurting but maybe still disturbing her sleep?

I don't know if that means I should approach things differently?

I think if she's been waking because of tummy pains she may have developed a kind of fear associated with sleep. It may take a while before she moves out of this and can sleep and be reassured that she won't wake up in pain. You sound as though you've been through all the techniques to work on though so this may need something different. Not sure what to suggest other than a referral.

Have you tried the thing where you sit by the bed and put your hand on her tummy and breathe slowly?

I haven't thought of it like that wondering but I think you could be spot on. Yes we have done that technique and while it worked well for her, it just meant we were sat up most of the night with our hand on her. (I say 'we' but really it's me she wants in the night.)

Maybe though if we try to keep on with a calm reassuring technique she will learn that night time is a nice calm time and learn to self settle?

See this is my problem - I swing from one frame of mind to the other! Confusing for me and her!
Who would I be referred to do you think? I have spoken to my HV but she was all for cc without really discussing the issues.

Thank you for your ideas

I think a referral to support would probably only work if things persisted and you had run out of all options. In the meantime keep learning the reassuring technique and gradually withdraw the hand, then the body (yours - further away a bit at a time). CC might just push her back into regression if you try it now.

It's all trial and error really - as you seem to have noticed!

My advice would be to give a cranial osteopath a go. You say she wakes up screaming? My 22 mth DD did this, never slept well, always a very light sleeper, lots of crying. She's recently had 4 sessions and is now sleeping amazingly. Might be worth a shot.

Think you're right wondering. Will keep on with the reassuring stuff for a few months to see if there's any improvement.

Last night was retry good! She was talking and shouting me in her sleep at 10 but had stopped before I went in. Then needed brief settling at 10.45, 2 and 3. Unfortunately she was then up at 5.30 but I suppose she had slept better than usual so was ready to be up!

I'm glad something worked for you Domestic, I will look into it. Thank you

Really, not retry